I need a good beating for what I did this morning

by freeman 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Nosferatu

  Hi freeman! I basically agree with the others about apologizing to your son about getting pissed off, but not apologizing for stating your opinion. I also agree with taking him down to the hospital with you. Invite him out with you for a burger, and stop at the hospital on the way there - in other words, do it JW style :). It may be a wakeup call for him.

  One thing I'm hoping is that the boys in the hospital don't think "Damn, the org was right about the world".

  Also, I know where you're coming from with the warning to readers. I realized the consequences I could face if I got baptized, and I put baptism off until I was completely out of the org.
• 

  Abaddon

  I think that you didn't do anything 'wrong'. You reacted in a very human way. That is a good sign; it is the suppresion of humanity in cases such as this by the cultist that disgust and outrage many people - regardless of whether they used to be a JW or not.

  You doing this is a good sign for YOUR development. It happened under circumstances that now give you cause to regret what happened. Take strength from this sign of your continuing recovery. And learn skills to deal with this situation.

  I find I can usually control my human reflexes when my parents hit my 'hot button', shunning being a case in point. I just try to always bear in mind I have FOUR parents.

  I have two parents who are quite wonderful, whom I love deeply, and who are really remarkable people. I have another two parents (and here's the tricky bit ) who are mad cultists.

  I can (again, usually, sometimes you just say something) filter the damn stupid things they say sometimes. I know if I react the wrong way, then the cultist persona will just assert itself more strongly.

  It is relly hard. You have to be the grown up, as they are in a cult. But, for me, it really helps.

  All the best.
• 

  Balsam

  Freeman,
  I see it this way. You gave your son something to think about. The JW mentality works even more problems on those who have mental disablities. We can sugar coat everything we say most the time, but sometimes a situation like this deserved some stronger words.

  Those two fleshly brothers who were once witnesses could surely use some kind words and love. Dad how about you, can't you visit them and let them know you are there for them. I am sure they are foundering.

  I have a 19 year old son who left the JW when I did, and he as at times taken the wild road, but because I am here for him he has become more stable thankfully. My son and I also had to mourn the death of his 15 year old brother in an auto accident. So my son was overwhelmed with pain and grief. Love is very healing. Even the love we can give to someone outside our family.

  Balsam
• 

  Double Edge

  I can't really add much to what others have said, only a couple of thoughts from one who has never been a JW...

  I’m sure he and my DUB wife will likely mischaracterize it as an attack on GOD; anything said against the TOWER is always an attack on GOD.

  When my JW friend and I got into a discussion about Christian persecution, they indicated that JW's were the most persecuted people for their religion (I guess trying to prove they had the truth through their persecution). I said, "JW's aren't the only ones that have been persecuted, almost every Christian sect/denomination has somewhere in their history been persecuted, some more than others, and some certainly more than the JWs"... this history goes back 2,000 years... I then sited several historical incidences, which of course they never heard of. So, does this prove that all these sects have the 'truth' since they were attacked, or "God" was attacked?

  One other thing, my JW friend and I always get into biblical discussion (until they get frustrated and won't speak to me for a couple of weeks). One time, when they were trying to prove some ridiculous JW belief from the scriptures, I just said "You know, if I had to pick certain seemingly contridictory scriptures, I would only use the ones that came from Christ... I would discount the others... because He was our example, one we were to follow and imitate, so as simple as it seems, I do ask my self "what would Christ do"? He wouldn't shun, but would visit the sick and always uplift people by showing unconditional love.... between Peter, Paul and Jesus, I'd take Jesus and what he said over the other two any day of the week".... Well, my friend got huffy...shut up... and didn't speak to me for a couple of weeks.

  Bottom line ... your example to your son seems to be more Christ-like than Tower-like ... hopefully he will recognize it for it's true value.
• 

  freeman

  Thank you all for the many kind words of encouragement and some pointed advice.

  I was told I can’t visit the boys as of yet because only immediate family member are allowed to visit due to their serious condition, also my wife did not tell me which hospital they are in and I doubt she even will now.

  My wife is no doubt kicking herself for letting me find out that this happened in the first place. I’m not supposed to know about anything bad going on with the JWs as I might use that to attack Gods organization. As far as my son goes, I truly think he needs therapy or at least an examination, and most likely medication, God that is such a hard thing to say. Now getting him to realize he needs this and must do something about it will be the next big hurdle. Again thank you all for your kind words, you guys are the best.

  Freeman
• 

  mouthy

  All I can add is Dont be hard on yourself. I might have done the same thing-it takes a big person to say "I'm sorry" that is what you have to do.But make sure you tell him you love him> even if you have never been in the habit of saying it before ((((((((((freeman))))
• 

  waiting

  Dear Freeman,

  You can find out what hospital the boys are in - just make some calls. What about calling their parents? And PLEASE send flowers to each of them. Consider it your Christian and/or Human Duty. Why? Even if the boys can't appreciate them now.....their family will. They'll KNOW that they still have friends - and aren't shunned by caring humans.

  You didn't mention if the parents & family are still active jw's? If so, it's so lonely when you have a df'd child. You have no one to share your love & pain with - as jw's tend to think of the df'd person as dead.

  Your son? Yeah, an apology for the manner of the facts perhaps.....and for his father being human.

  If your son is Bi-polar, there are fairly simple medical test to confirm this. Medication might do him a world of good. I have several friends who've been on Lithium for years - the difference between a Black world.....and a Colored Horizon.

  Take care & try to make amends - you'll feel better. Being a parent is crappy sometimes.

  waiting - mother of 3
• 

  pettygrudger

  I agree w/all the sentiments here. If you feel the need to apology, then for the way you said it, not what was said.

  Also yes, please let us know if you can find out where these young men are staying. Some of us would like to send cards & perhaps even flowers, to let these young men know there's a better way, and to know that there are people out here who understand what they are going through, and care.

  (((Freeman)))
• 

  Rush

  Hi freeman.

  An interesting point. I think you have the prerogative and even the right to air your views an issue that is more human than spiritual.

  Yes, apologise for getting heated. No, do not back down on your views. You're relied upon as a father to provide emotional guidance to your prodigy whether you know it or not, and whether it's recognised at the the time or not. The witnesses create a strict template for emotions and actions for difficult situations, one which is hard to fill when you have to find your own feet.

  You definitely don't deserve a beating for what you did. Almost invariably, the problem is in the manner it's discussed. I think you've done very well to speak your mind, and for god's sake, don't worry about how they interpret you're views. As Oscar Wilde said, 'There's only one thing worse than being talked about, and that's not.'.

  Being a good father is the best you can do. Remember you're fighting for your family in this game, which isn't always the same thing as the other team.

  And be careful; you know that putting up with persecution is the finest way to hone your devotion.

  Keep us informed,

  Rush.
• 

  Bendrr

  Freeman, you don't deserve a beating you deserve a pat on the back. Yeah sure, apologize if you must for how you said what you did but not for what you said. It's a battle and battles are fought. As for those two boys in the hospital, you had better find out which hospital and which room and go there. As soon as possible. With or without your son. Those two need some love and to know that someone cares about them.

  When it comes to shunning, that's the hardest battle to fight for us. Only when you give up does the Empire win. Hang in there bro, you've got a better chance of winning your family over than the Empire does.

  And when you see the two boys in the hospital, tell them I and a whole lot of folks here are thinking about them.

  Mike.