by SpannerintheWorks 20 Replies latest jw friends
They are four and seven, both girls. And I love them. I love them more than my life.
At last I was able to post my real (although sub-concious) reason for being here!
My JW wife is intent on bringing them up as little JW's.
I do not want that, of course.
So, has anybody got ANY idea how to control this situation? Has anybody had sucess with this type of problem?
I appreciate all your replies.
Spanner
Teach them to love the world, and the things of the world. It's working great for me and my daughter.
Six: Thanks.
Spanner.
Hi, Spanner
I am not in this situation (fortunately), but I have seen a few of them actually work out ok. The parents basically traded off Sundays with their different churches, and agreed to leave the rest of the week alone. Around holidays, they were celebrated with both religion's traditions. Now, I know this is harder with a JW, but hopefully your wife will understand that your beliefs are just as important to you as hers are to her, and that you have the right to equal time. Even if your time isn't spent at a church, but maybe at a cultural event, then it is "fair". And, as for holidays, maybe you could take your children to a relative's house and celebrate there, trading off Christmas for Thanksgiving, etc.
I would be careful, though, to make sure your children don't carry a blood card, and that you have a notice on file at their pediatrician's office as to your wishes in that regard.
How do your children feel about it? Had I been given a choice, I would have elected to stay where I could have Christmas
Good luck,
Happyout
Boy, that's a tuff one. I can only expand on Sixofnine's comments, take them to places that the dub's would not take thier children, obviously in a constructive manner. Take them to other kids activities such as soccer, football, birthday parties anything to get them to see the reality of life...that it is not jw oriented.
Good Luck
You're welcome :) It really is that simple too.
Kids have room in their hearts to embrace alot of different things. Think about it, that's why witnesses have any sucess at all with their kids... the kids embrace these crazy ideas, love this mean old god, in spite of everything not being "quite right" from a kiddos perspective.
You simply have to teach them to do what comes natural for them, to embrace their fellow man, love the earth, love people, love competition, love knowledge, love learning. You don't even have to point out the sillyness of JWism, they'll see it themselves (although it wouldn't hurt if they see you as someone who knows all about it, and thinks it silly and a waste of time compared to really living). Roll your eyes alot.
Sports, movies, BIRTHDAYS, friends and family before religion, acceptance of everyone... etc etc etc.
Just being reasonable with them and giving them a way out is best, I think. Most kids don't want to be witnesses, and if they know they'll have family who will love them unconditionally outside of the JWs, then I think you have a great thing there. Also, get them to play with 'worldly' kids. They'll see how much more real they are, and naturally gravitiate towards them.
Trust the kids. They can smell bullshit far easier than adults can at times.
ash
This is really hard (difficult).
My wife: I have never restricted your beliefs!
You have never been a JW!
You have no idea what it is like to be a JW!
Standard issue, I know!
But how do you answer them?
Dum Dum Spanner.
I don't have kids, so my opinion probably doesn't mean a hill of beans to you. But as a witness to Six's relationship with his daughter, I'd like to comment.
I think his little girl (I say little, but she's quite the lady now!) is a very smart and intuitive creature. Most children have a naturally innocent curiosity when things don't add up. Play that up! When your children see things NOT adding up to what they've been taught is "right" in JW eyes, it creatives an opportunity for dialogue with them. They may hear the Jehovah is supposed to be loving, but when they see his followers being everything BUT, it will make them wonder. Give them as broad of a view as possible in terms of activities OUTSIDE of the JW Camp so they can have a foundation to work off of. Keep the channels of communication open with your child, a safe environment for them to come to you with questions, doubts, sharing their hearts. If their mother is a JW, chances are they won't have this with her. Soon enough her "pat" JW answers will be boring, dull, and not answer their questions sufficiently. They will soon have their own opinions and make their own decisions regarding Mom's crazy religion. Follow Six's advice - he has a beautiful, intelligent and free-thinking daughter. I wish I'd had that opportunity with my dad.
Good luck!
Andi
I have to agree with Ashitaka, Let them know that If they don't like going to the meetings u'll be able to understand and explain to u'r wife that u both have to raise the kids together even though u don't share the same religious background, she sounds like she's new to the JW people, she will have to learn the hardway the Kids will make up their own minds and by the time they are teenagers they let u know, but keep letting them know that u support them, Ask them to wait to make any descion about the religion until they are old enough. Ask u'r wife to not "push" the religion on the kids, if she says she has a right she does but so don't u. No matter what let the kids know that they are the ones in control of their own lives not MOM or Dad in the religion department.
