There was this oldtimer interviewed on one of our conventions a few years ago, and he joined in '24. He was asked about the urgency of our times, and his reply was that "Back then, we thought the End would come any month, that it was just around the corner - and I still believe that!" The audience laughted and smiled and applauded this role model, this oldtimer who supposedly gave us all the impetus to constantly be on guard, because "any day now".
Me, I felt a lump in my chest and felt uneasy - and have ever since - that a lifetime had gone by, a life had passed by, and all one had done had been to wait, because "any day now".
Waiting and waiting. Dreaming one's life away. I don't recall the actual quote, but John Lennon said that "Life is what goes on while you are busy doing other things", and as the years go by, I find that a terrible truth. It is hard to change it, there are so many things to do - but they are almost all of them totally useless or unimportant. It is do damned hard to find time to do the important things - caring for one's children, enjoying the creation, just letting life in all its aspects - calmness, sun, children, sounds, smells - float in, encompass you. It's lik eyesterday that my children were 1 year old and I had so little time for them. Now they are 15 and don't care that much about me any more. What have I been doing these few, short, important years? Been telling myself and a whole lot of other people who don't really care for me, that "any day now". THEN we'll have time for the children - but in the meantime, the children have grown into adults. What children are we then to finally have enough time for? By then they are too old to sit on the lap and be told stories to.
Lifes lost thru waiting. And the worst is, you cannot kill yourself because of the despair, because death is what you fear most of all. "People are to be felt sorry for", a poet said - and man, was he right!
