Things You'd Love to Say But Don't

Yizuman

Things You'd Love to Say But Don't1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3) How about never? Is never good for you?

4) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10) Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13) I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19) What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24) Do I look like a people person?

25) This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26) I started out with nothing & still have most of it left!

27) Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28) If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29) Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed it.

31) I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32) A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33) Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34) Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

35) How do I set a laser printer to stun?

36) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

37) File that under "Never".

searchfothetruth

I'm going to save them all and use them when answering threads....

may liven things up a bit.

Reborn2002

LOL

Thanks for the laugh Yizuman.

I can certainly appreciate those comments above. I cannot count the occasions I have wanted to say something like that to a coworker or employer.

Perhaps that is why I now am self-employed. I don't bite my tongue anymore, for anyone.

freein89

I love sarcasm, why didn't you include any? he he, that was my question

you are funny!!! can i be a groupy and glum on to you?

Nosferatu

... An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to cor
... After God created women, beer was the bug fix.
... A woman's speed limit is 68, at 69 she blows a rod.
... A PC takes the guesswork out of it. So does a bikini.
... A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to remove it
... 4 types of miniskirts: mini, micro, don't bend over, and "nice view!"
... A life? Where can I download that?
..."Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."
... A mind is a terrible thing to ugh... I forgot...
... Amazing what alcohol does to a sense of humour. Death becomes funny.
... A mind is a terrible thing to... OOOOH, DOOM 2 is here!
... And that is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped.
... An optimist is a guy without much experience...
... A product with 'ZERO DEFECTS' doesn't ship!
... And God said: "E = /mv2 - Ze2/r" ...and there was light!
... And God said, "Let there be light, but make it quick."
... 64,999,964 firearm owners killed no one yesterday..
... Love thy neighbour, but make sure her husband is away first!
... Say nothing & they think your stupid..talk & they know for sure
... Any bank will give you a loan as soon as you prove you don't need it
... Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
... When it comes to giving, most people will stop at nothing
... Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
... To error is human, to blame it on someone else is more human
... When in darkness or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout.
... It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
... If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
... A closed mouth gathers no foot.
... Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
... Women....You can't live WITH them, and you can't live WITH them.
... It works better if you plug it in.
... Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.
... When in doubt, down a few.
... Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier
... A desk is a wastebasket with drawers
... Don't ask me - I just work here
... Don't ask me--I'm making this up as I go along
... Do unto others before they do unto you
... All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and *unlimited power*...
... Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is out of town.
... Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
... Smile -- It makes people wonder what you're thinking.
... A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
... Two's company, three's the result.
... A person forgives only when she is in the wrong.
... And Man said: "Let there be God," and there was God!
... Any club that would accept me as a member, I wouldn't want to join.
... All of life's answers are on the wrong side of progress.
... Advice is what we ask for when we already know.
... AIDS is a virus; Bill Gates is a punishment from God.
... Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
... Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
... An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
... Ambition destroys its possessor.
... A husband is a man who gave up privileges he never knew he had.
... Anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you.
... Anyone who willingly runs Windows deserves what he gets
... Always make stupid moves. It confuses your opponent.
... Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
... And God said, "Let there be crap..." And Windows appeared!
... Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
... And God said, "ATDT204-255-4588", and there was connect.
... Sure, I know how to copy disks. Where's the Xerox machine?
... All for one; one for all; ME above all!

drwtsn32

1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I think I've heard people say exactly that on this board.

Yerusalyim

"No dear, that dress doesn't make your butt look big, it's the two boxes of Twinkies a week that's making it look big"

Swan

"I'm sorry, but I think you've confused me with somebody who gives a damn!"

(Actually, I have said this!)

Tammy

maximumflash

I always loved when you are walking out to your car with fishing poles over your shoulder and one of the neighbors sees you. Then without missing a beat the neighbor just has to ask you "are you going fishing?" I always say, "not really, I am on my way to the archery range".

Princess

28) If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I bought my husband a t-shirt that says that.

I tend to bite my tongue less and say more than I used to. Must be being a mom that makes me do it. Last week my five year old was in the throes of a meltdown when a strange woman started to sympathise with her. She told me to give my daughter to her, she likes little girls. I turned around and looked her straight in the eye and said "GO AWAY, now, just go away." All the while I was waving my hands at her. She was totally shocked, turned and left.

Last year at Disneyland my son was having a fit this time. A woman stopped and told us that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, he shouldn't be sad. I told her to go inside and be happy.

Things You'd Love to Say But Don't

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