I felt guilt/fear before I clicked the link (European Commission of Human Rights), after I clicked the link, It wasn't guilt that I was feeling. I was angry/upset.
I didn't do a slow fade. It took about 3 months for me to get over the fear of the WT tactics, ie: expulsion, shunning, manipulation of the facts, wasted life, harm to child, etc.... but I was right in the thick of it while I did that. (I did a TV interview, and I can tell you, it throws you into the fire pretty quick so I had to deal with a lot in a very short period of time)... I'm grateful for that though.... An individual can suffer a lot and for a long time over those things and the witnesses, rank and file as well as those that lead them are pretty quick and very efficient on the attack. The phone calls, and there were tons... the tactics, the accusations and the rediculous pettiness is a lot to stand up to.
I got through it. I knew I wasn't dealing with faith anymore, just those who broker it for profit. Once I had that in hand, it was a matter of stepping through it. The support I received was the best part. Phone calls from people all over north america and europe, and DBs just like this one helped me to know and feel I was not alone. People checked in to see if I was alright. It helped me to know that there was another better, healthier side and I was on the right track.
After the three months, it was a matter of checking what I beleived and why, and throwing away what didn't work for me. That was a longer process, and in a way, I am still in that process. Not nearly as intensely as I was. I can see life-long effects from having any involvement whatsoever to do with a cult. That's the reason I find myself always coming back to this DB. I have the ability to share this with those that understand the experience.
I did lose some things though, I lost my innocence, I lost my naivity, and my ability to trust. I lost my rose coloured glasses, and for a time, I lost joy. I got joy back though, my son and nature, humour and knowledge give that to me. I can live without my innocence and my naivity, and to a great extent, I can live without trust... still workin on that one... I refuse to live without joy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, whatever way it happens, it's a long haul. It has trials and pain but it has it's rewards too. I am free now, to the extent that anyone really is free, and life and my perception of it is based more in the here and now rather that in some distant, vague promise. I'm free from fear to explore it and enjoy all of it's wonders and mysteries, without restriction. And I'm much more comfortable with exposure. So now, I set the limitations in my life. No person or organization will ever do that to me again.
*Theme of rocky playing in the background*
Just my two...
Inq
