by JH 20 Replies latest jw friends
Who is out there to help JW's when they decide to leave the organization? If it wasn't for forums like this one or internet in general, what aid would those who leave the organization get?
If we go back a few years before the internet was available to everyone, how did these people who quit, heal from their JW experience?
I can remember there being books and reading Barbara Grizutti's book in 1978. Buying them in a book store and checking them out for the library made me nervous. What is somebody saw me.
There were TV shows like John Ankerberg who had on ex-JWs with discussions of the hypocrisy.
I can remember seeing a show with Lorri MacGregor on it. The talked about a book that every JW was told to burn, The Way to Paradise. So I checked it in the WT Index, and yes the book existed. My family were JWs back then to I just checked my grandmother's library, and the rebellious woman had not burned it. So I read it. It contained the WT doctrine that the end was coming in 1925. That was an eye opener.
As to any other resources, I'm sure they were there but just harder to find. And harder to conceal that you looking for them.
I can remember renting a post office box so I wouldn't have a street address on the ex-JW books I was buying.
I'm sure it was harder pre-Internet.
Blondie
I left of my own accord. I think I am, or was the type of dub who wouldn't have trusted things I read posted on an internet board. I am a skeptic at heart. (why I eventually couldn't swallow the load of hooey the JW's were trying to spoon feed me)
I do think these boards are invaluable in keeping up my resolve to stay away however.
Since I was 16 I had struggled with wanting to leave, not believing it, but thinking I was the only one who felt confused, and that if I could just pray more, or study more it would eventually make sense. It wasn't until I was in my 20's I got up the courage to tell my parents I didn't want to be a witness anymore. But it was still hard.
While I was happy to not be going, I still felt guilty and often questioned my decision. I still went to the memorial, and when my parents asked me every few months or so if I wanted to go the meeting--I seriously thought about it. I missed my friends. Aside from a handful of co-workers who I went out with for a few hours on friday after work, I had no friends. I missed my old JW friends.
Then by luck I met Eyegirl. She and I bonded right away. She was having a lot of the same turmoil I was about not being a good JW kid and the fight with JW parents.
Then her sister introduced us to this wonderful place.
Like I said, I don't think had I been in, I would have left because of this place. Often when I saw or heard hateful things being said about JW's I would fight tooth and nail to defend it, even if I didn't always believe it. (I'd whip out the reasoning book anyway).
But I do think I was in a place, after I left, to start to heal by venting, and hearing stories of people who were going through the exact same thing I was. I finally knew I was not alone at all...but there were literally hundereds of people that had experienced much of what I had. And it made me giddy, and sad, and angry, and happy all at once.
And now I have loads of friends all over the world. I am back in a new and improved international sister and brotherhood.
Blondie, you scare me. The similarities are unbelievable.....so similar to the way I think....Tell me more about this book that was supposed to be "burned". Why that book and not others???........Regarding JH's one question of the day,, I think that there is now such a big ex Witness communuty out there that it's easier to "associate" with people. Years ago you were banished from everyone. Even DF'd ones were afraid to talk to another DF'd one. Not anymore!!!!!!!
I imagine it must have been extremely difficult leaving, much more so than nowadays.
The grip on the average dub was much stronger and there was no where near the support available.
It would have been incredibly difficult getting in contact with other Ex-JWs I imagine.
I think the people who used to go and picket assemblies were very courageous - they knew the truth and did their best to tell us. Now, we can read about it in the comfort of our living rooms. No wonder the WTS hates the internet !
Thank goodness for the internet. Had it been around sooner, i would have been able to save myself a lot of heartache. I have no idea how anyone went about aquiring reading material before the interent, well, not without risking getting caught. Occ. i would hear through the grapevine that apostaes were on a tv show, whatever, but we were told never to watch that. And no one that had left ever contacted me to try and "reason" with me , and the only way I would have ever gotten any material was to get the leaflets the apostates handed out at assemblies.. And no noe would be seen taking those. Funny, the WTS always knew when the apostates were going to be at an assembly. Doubleagents? weds
I think a lot of people who left years ago and have not found the truth about the WTS are still believers. My sister for example still believes strongly that the crap she learned as a kid is the real truth. The idea that she has left the one thing that could save her hurts so much she is slowly killing herself with booze and drugs. In her words "If I can't be a good JW I will be as bad at everything else that I can. She cannot listen to criticism of the WT. I think if she acknowledged that it was a load of crap it would hurt her too much to see how much she has lost/thrown away - not just from the JWs and believing that but because of her life choices as a result of those early teachings.
Some people are just so scared of the demons and the WT that they are still controlled by the beliefs and refuse to read or listen to anything negative about the JWs.
But for those who are strong enough to start doing the research the info is out there and easy to find. There is support and encouragement.
Plus I think the WTS has such a negative hold on people that those who do walk away are able to see the negativitily sooner
Leaving has to be so much easier today. There is so much more info out there, and not just "apostate" info either. If you want to check out actual earthquake figures, for instance, the US Geological Society's website is out there. Facts on disease, wars, etc. All your world info no longer comes from the pages of the Awake. And it's not just the internet. Publishing became a lot easier with word processors, computerized typsetting, and other modern inventions. All making more information available.
Back when I was a kid, I remember very few people leaving because they didn't believe anymore. They got DFed for smoking, sex, drugs, etc. Or they just couldn't keep up the routine and just fell away. But "apostacy" seemed rare. I think back then there was very little published info to dispute the JWs and it was very hard to find. The majority of JW stuff I remember was doctrinal debates from other religions (hellfire, trinity, heaven, etc). Things where they can haul out their scriptures and you yours and go on forever.
When I was a kid of around 10 in the mid 70's, I remember the "annointed" lady we rode to the halls was all melodramatic about some book "30 years a watchtower slave". It had to be all lies, lies, lies. How could anybody have had a bad experience as a JW and left? My first thought was, "I gotta read this"! But (a) because I was a kid and (b) because this was years before internet book shopping, where do you find such a book? Same thing when Franz left. I heard about his book when I was a teenager, but where do you find one? A friend had me watch an Ankerberg show on JWs that her mother taped. On this show, I found out where to order COC. But if I wasn't in the right place at the right time, I'd have missed that opportunity to find COC.
When I finally got a copy at about age 24, I had already been inactive but still believing. I think I decided to leave before I even finished the book. But there still wasn't much of a support group. There were other religions who were happy to pull you out of the JWs and retrain you into their religion. But after the JWs, I didn't really want to follow a religion.
I think places like this are the best therapy. You can come, meet people who share that common experience of being a JW. They can help you to know that you don't have to feel that lingering guilt some do. Did I leave "the truth"? You can laugh about all those experiences you had like pretending to ring a doorbell and know you weren't the only one who hated field service. And for some, the tendency might be to look where others have gone and follow them into some replacement religion. This board shows that we have all gone seperate ways. There is not some "next religion" for all ex-JWs. We are now free.
My wife and I started our trip out in about 1987. For a long time we didn't tell each other what we were doing, but both of us had gotten copies of COC and were reading it on the sly. One Sunday morning in the spring of 1988, after going through what had become a regular back and forth over whether or not to go to the KH, my wife comes out of the bedroom with COC in her hand. I about crapped my pants thinking she'd found out where I'd stashed it, and now I was busted. Then she grins and says "This is MY copy." She had in fact found mine and realized what was going on.
For years there had been a guy picketing the Seattle area conventions, he had big sign with a phone number on it - 244-FREE. My wife wrote it down while we were attending the the last DC we went to and we called it in the fall of 1988. He had a support group of exjw's meeting at his church once a month. We went and hooked up with some other ex's, it was a good group to be with at the time.
I discovered a ton of stuff at the public library that really opened my eyes. I do think the whole process would have been a lot easier had the internet been available. Through this board, I've been talking to a number of ex's here in the Seattle area. If I really felt the need for a face to face meeting it could be easily arranged. Years ago ex's were very isolated people. Now we're a world wide community, even if only in cyberspace. No wonder the WTBS is afraid of the net.
JeffT, You wrote:
No wonder the WTBS is afraid of the net.
I have to wonder if the rate of shunned people returning to work for the publishing corporation is way down now. Get the boot, get shunned, go to the net and . . . . Walla! No return postage attached. Whatta ya all think? GaryB
