anger

by Rush 11 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Rush

  I've made a few posts on the forum to date, and have read more. i'm in a really bad mood and looking for some shoulders to cry on. i will try to keep my story brief.

  i left the jw's 9 years ago and never went back. i left over doctrinal beliefs, specifically creation at the time, but was never df'd. part of the reason was that i went to university not long after so was not in the area frequently. i also kept quiet about my views so as not to cause a stir. i went through my fair share of hell, my parents treating me like i'd died, my dad accusing me of being 'haughty and arrogant' that i knew better than jehovah. and going to university was just 'massaging my ego'.

  to be honest, things have settled down a lot and i'm on good terms now. all of my siblings fell away, my sister became a single mother and my dad stepped down as an elder not long after i left because he couldn't keep control of his family.

  last night, i had an argument with my mam about this time. it's been brewing up inside me and it just poured out as soon as she started her holier-than-thou chat. my mam is a fantastic person, and she would be the world's best mother if she wasn't a jw, but she's seriously misguided. i told her i thought they'd acted despicably in the past, and it has never been talked about since. since i left, i've been very successful in my life and career and have every reason to be happy, but i've suffered from bouts of depression that have really taken me down, and i KNOW that it stems from me leaving the witnesses. how much more of a life-changing event can you get than your entire social network, family and friends, turning away from you? my mam tried to tell me it was my fault, that it was my decision to turn away from them. she said she'd never lied to me, that my lifestyle was conditional on staying in the truth.

  i've recently moved in with my two brothers and it's really brought home to me how important family is. i've read some of the posts on here about kids being shunned and it really breaks my heart. i told my mam i thought it was disgusting that the organisation undermines the family, which is the definitive social group.

  anyway, i've upset her now. i texted her saying sorry for upsetting her, but there are a lot of issues there that haven't been aired and don't go away, but she hasn't replied. i'll call her today. i know i should be bigger than this, and not get involved in petty arguments that i cannot win (i'm arguing against god, right?) but it's so hard.

  this site has been a godsend for me and i appreciate other's stories and views. i'll bounce back. and it's nice to know i'm not alone.

  thanks for listening to my rant,

  Rush.
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  TheSilence

  Rush,

  I'm so sorry. It's hell when you need to deal with something head on and the other party isn't willing to, especially when that other party is your family. Know that if you ever need to talk my email is in my profile. I'm sure your mom will get over it in time and getting it off your chest was probably good for you. Perhaps you can move on to an even better relationship with her now that you've said the things you needed to say. I hope things go well.

  Jackie

  hmmm... apparently my email is not in my profile. [email protected] if you need to chat.
• 

  cat1759

  Rush,
  After all was done and said with my mom she hates the fact I am not there. The fact that in her mind I am already dead so why bother with me. She has learned to not say anymore to me about jws because I did state my stand many times to her. It finally sank in.

  Your mom is feeling a loss that only time will help her deal with it. My dad also stepped down and not because I was livign with him. He felt he should not sit in judgement of others as he had been through alot of what he was sitting in judgement on. Also because he was not going to turn his daughter. I lived 800 miles away from them all and this helped alot to grow up as I didnt have anyone.

  Give your mom some time. State your position and leave it be. Always tell her you love her. Never let it get to you and depress you. Easier said than done. You have gone out and made a life for yourself without their help. Be happy for your accomplishments and don't let others belittle you about them. You are who you are and no one can take away your personal beliefs.

  Good luck,

  Cathy
• 

  SisterLiz

  Hey there, It's really hard when you leave the JW's and your family doesn't. Even though, you've realized that the organization is not "the truth" and you've gone on the improve your life, you're probably depressed because maybe deep down you feel like you let your family down. Family is obviously important to you and the thought of "ruining it" for everyone is causing you tons of grief. It's difficult for your parents too because they love you but feel torn or disappointed that you left. I think that eventually they'll come around. I've seen this many times. I've actually lived it. You just keep on the road you've chosen. You make sure that they're clear that you've left for good, but that you still love them and are sorry for any grief you may have caused them but it's your life and this is the path you've chosen and leave it at that. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, it's different for everyone, but stick to your guns and make sure they see how much you still love them. Eventually they'll adapt to the situation and things will get better.
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  Special K

  Hey rush,

  It's ironic that the ones we love so much.. can also hurt us the most.

  I salute your courage on bringing up this "elephants standing in the Livingroom issue, and everyone pretends it's not there" with your mother.

  You have just pointed out, to your mother,.. that you indeed do see the Elephant standing in the Living room.. and this is how it looks from your point of view.

  Family... comes from a word similar to "Familiar".. are families are or were.. our familiar place to be..and by now telling them the truth of YOU..they choose to push you away.. so to speak.

  I think probably, that you may have entered a time of grieving.. Grieving the familiar type of love, that you had recieved in your family while the Elephant was standing there.

  Give yourself permission to grieve your loss,.. and also be happy, that this will lead you to be stronger in your resolve to be yourself.

  Continue to visit with your family, if allowed, and continue to show your love to them because you don't have the wool still over your eyes. You can give them unconditional love... something that they "because of this religion, cannot give back."

  I feel for you, many of us are in the same position as you...

  Keep in mind , that you are not alone in how you feel this day.

  Special K
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  mizpah

  Rush:

  You are very fortunate to have contact with your family. I think you will find it to your advantage not to discuss doctrine with your mother. Just be a loving and caring son. When zealous JWs are challenged they become very defensive. They are usually not open to reason. And, like good lawyers, they can always argue an opposite view.

  The one thing that can't argue with is love. When they observe people outside the organization who still maintain a good life and are kind and considerate of others, their defenses have to come down. The old adage that "actions speak louder than words" can apply in this case too.
• 

  gambit

  Rush,

  Here is a short poem that I wrote when I started my journey a little over 2 years ago. My poem fell on deaf ears, but it didn't stop me from going on. I'm not sure at this point in life if I believe in god, per se, but I do believe in finding your own spiritual path in life.

  I've found magical power in journaling... It has helped me seperate my anger, confusion, and pain from others... I only wish that I had found this board earlier so that I could have gotten some supportive feedback during the process.

  Raindrop of Love

  God poured to us his love through life From mighty hands of will With love the world to fill

  God showered us with angel wings To send the world his love From all the heavens above

  God flooded us for days and nights To wipe away our sins So we could love again

  God hailed to us our Christ the King No truer love he’d show To all the world below

  God’s done it all but one last thing One last thing that I have not One last thing that he cannot

  God's done it all but one last thing I ask of you my dove A raindrop of your love
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  Tinkerbell4125

  Rush, it's very understandable why you are feeling these feelings. My mother and I locked horns many times on our views at times. There was a time when she didn't speak to me for almost 10 years. Long story short, at her death in 1999, we were on good terms even though I had disassociated myself. It was a tough period, but I can say that I am finding peace with things, even learning to forgive her and myself for things, realizing that a person cannot give me what they don't have. Be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself, for showing that you have a brain and one that you are willing to use! I have some siblins that are still in the org. and the way I look at it, is they are hurting too. I look back on our dysfuntional childhood and I can't hate them for the choices they've made. How can I expect them to respect my beliefs if I can't respect theirs. Yes, it's unfortionate that I'm not able to see them, but that's life and I've learned to deal with it, and you will learn to deal with it and be okay. I've got other siblins that I'm really close to. I take what I've got and I'm thankful for that. You are not alone in your feelings. And I've learned it's very healthy and healing to talk about it sometimes. You hang in there and realize that your depression will pass too. Many many people have to deal with depression, including myself at times, but just know that things in life don't stay the same, so it will pass. There are good anti-depressants out there that work well for many people too. My advise would be to just back off alittle, let things settle down, then just lay low and try to avoid toxic situations, whomever it may be.

  Hang in there! It does get better, I promise!
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  Rush

  thanks for all the support guys.

  i phoned my mam in the end and apologised for upsetting her. she's a good woman. i won't bring up anything flammable for a while anyway. i know it's not worth it. we do get on well these days, they've both had to chill out since my day due to family affairs and i respect that they have moved part of the way towards reconciliation. but it still bugs me that they preach these hurtful policies with their mouths still.

  as for the depression, i've needed medication at times and am perfectly accepting of the fact i am at risk of relapse. but hey, millions of people take a tablet a day for thyroid or blood pressure so how am i any different? it's cool.

  thanks again.

  Rush.
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  Vivamus

  ((((Rush))))

  As others have said, its perfectly normal to be upset and to rant and rave about this from time to time. The people you love most, can also hurt you the most, even when they do not intent to do so.

  And I think its sweet of you to apologize to your mum. Give it time, the future is open, and who knows what it will bring...

  -

  And the world shall tremble in the wake of the Blue Bubblegum
  Dutch District Overbeer