Can u I ask u a question? And please be honest....do u think part of the draw is the challenge? The fact that she's not making it easy for u. I am usually drawn to a guy that's a bit withdrawn and makes me work. I may not have acknowledge that before and I'm not proud to admit it. As a woman who has been an active witness, I will say stay far far away and find yourself someone who u are just as much drawn to I'd not more who is still a challenge for u to acquire. Do not date or fall in love with a jw.
In The Name of Love, Need Your Opinion
by thankyou 77 Replies latest social relationships
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The Searcher
Hey THANKYOU, my immediate conclusion after reading your post was this:
You're right, she wants you to succeed in your efforts to win her affections - by informing her that you're prepared to "examine" her beliefs by having a study with a brother she can recommend. Then you can start attending some meetings to learn more and to see how loving J.W.'s really are. She's acting like a Siren. Move on, don't stop.
I think you get where this is going; she may fancy you, but nothing will happen if you don't play ball - fact!
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Incognito
When I met this girl I had 2 very attractive girl friends. Actually much better looking than this girl. But, I've forgotten about them.
Much like mommyfirstandalways, I think your obsession with this girl is due to the challenge in winning her over. If she had easily agreed to dating you, you likely would soon become bored and start looking elsewhere.
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thankyou
Thank you very much to all you kind folks who have taken the time to give me your loving, best advice.
Every sentence in every post is loaded with stuff that I need to think about carefully.
In the meantime, I will not call her tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day. Thank you. That's the kind of help I needed.
Just to answer your questions. Yes, the two girlfriends that I have been fading from do know each other. One is hurt-angry. The other one is confident. But, they avoid each other.
I am white, she's black. I mention it only in case I am missing some cultural thing that will help me.
mommyfirstandalways:
Good question. I know what you are saying. To the best of my self-awareness I'm not motivated by any challenge that she may represent.
This is not enjoyable. And, honestly my "ego" is not hurt either.
It's just that we connected ever so deeply, at least until her JW beliefs were triggered.
Based on what was said and done, I know she cares about me. But she has been tormented by her JW beliefs.
I know she's counting on me to bring her out of this. I would much rather I get hurt than her.
I'm afraid that if I forget about her, probably not possible, her JW beliefs will be confirmation in her mind that I was just another worldly insincere person AND SHE WILL BE PUSHED HOPELESSLY EVEN DEEPER INTO JW. Lousy analogy but it's like trying to dive in to save a drowning person that you really care about.
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Phaedra
Don't love him, but respect him for the bold move that jostled me out of compliance with a parasitic organization. Thanks, Ray. -
Half banana
Just don't get your hopes up until she realises what a sham and toxic religion she is in. Otherwise...
the disaster is not immediately apparent, it will come with children and she wants to return to the cult and you don't want to go there. It's hell on earth friend.
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Nathan Natas
Do you watch "The Walking Dead" on cable?
I hope you do.
When a person becomes a walker, their humanity dies in a way that you are unable to "fix."
The same thing happens to people who become JWs.
She will eat your brains and feed them to her controlling parasites in Bethel.
If that sounds like a good life choice to you, go for it.
When your brain becomes infected with the Watchtower parasite you won't remember this discussion.
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Listener
I'm afraid that if I forget about her, probably not possible, her JW beliefs will be confirmation in her mind that I was just another worldly insincere person AND SHE WILL BE PUSHED HOPELESSLY EVEN DEEPER INTO JW. Lousy analogy but it's like trying to dive in to save a drowning person that you really care about.
There is a problem here. You will be trying to pull her out and she will be trying to push you in. Who is going to win?
If you care deeply for her then it may be kinder to let her find her own course, except that will be difficult if you continue with a relationship. Your own desires will override any plans to help her in a more constructive and objective way. That's not good for her or for you.
I personally think that the wisest course is to put the ball in her court. Be upfront and tell her that you would never accept her religion but you know you are right together and that you will support her whole heartedley if she wants to pursue a relationship with you but she needs to make that move, without the constrains of the religion. She can never hold it against you and it will be a deliberate and conscious move on her part.
This is my opinion but I don't think she is your true love. I say this because you are comparing her to your previous two girlfiends. When you find the right person comparing them to anyone else would not even enter your thoughts. You cherish and love that person for who they are. It is difficult to quantify it but it is as if anyone else becomes non existent and losing that person is like losing the most precious gift. From a male perspective this may not be the case and it may not be the perspective of other females.
You are trying to weigh things up from a logical viewpoint which is good. From a logical viewpoint, run and don't turn back.
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whathappened
This cannot end well for either of you.
She will have to get you to join the cult or she will have to leave all her family and friends to be with you. The pressure will destroy the relationship Go find someone who is free to love you. She has already indicated she prefers the cult to you. Take your leave!
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whathappened
Another thought... If somewhere down the road you should have children, are you willing to accept the fact that she and the child will not take a blood transfusion in any event. They are taught if they take blood, Jehovah will not resurrect them if they die. Read up on this dangerous religion cult. She may leave it temporarily for you and then return to it, upsetting both your lives.