I had thought I had gotten over all this crap.

pamkw

Hi everyone,

This has been a very bad couple of weeks for me. I thought I was having a fairly okay relationship with my mother, and even though she was not happy with me not being a jw anymore, she seemed to live with it. I have even recently been able to have conversations with my jw younger sister and not come away angry. Well, I was just dreaming.

There has been a disagreement in my family, really it is nothing. But it has triggered so much anger. I can't believe how angry I am at my mom, and how much I don't like here. I am way more upset than I should be. I have never felt hatred like I do toward my own mom and sister right now. Part of it is because my mother has talked to me since July 19, when we went to my neice's bridal shower. But I keep hearing from my non jw sister and sister-in-law what is being said, and done behind my back.

What hurts me is I thought we were getting along better. this week I have been going from being terrible angry to terrible depressed. I shouldn't be surprised because this is how my mom has been treating me for years. I just feel like I have been blind sided. I really thought I had worked out all my anger at my mom for not protecting me when I was young and rasing me a jw. But I seem to be having a relapse. On top of not finding a job and my unemployment will be running out at the end of the month. I am just not doing very well.

Thanks for listening

Pam

jgnat

Consider it a bump in a road. You have likely come a long way, you just got triggered this week. Give yourself some slack. ....and I hope you find a position soon, too. Payed bills always makes me feel better.

berylblue

Oh, Pam. I am grieved that you are going through this. If I can help, let me know.

Rosemarie

OrbitingTheSun

((((( Pam ))))) I am sorry you are struggling, but it is good that you are able to articulate how you feel and confront it. One of the most difficult things to learn in life is that our family members are people too and they will not always play the roles we need or want them to play in our lives. We can't tell them what to do, but I wish you the strength and endurance you will need to get through this as an individual--regardless of whether or not they decide to change. Keep your head up and vent about it as much as you need to. That is what we are here for.

cat1759

Hi Pam,

Sorry to hear all this. Think about it like this, maybe you need these old feelings to come back so you can change the outcome this time. This is a refining time for alot of us. Our personal struggles are many but always know one thing the wheel of fortune keeps going around and this time you might be down but give it another spin because eventually you will find yourself in a much better place. A place of exceptance for yourself and love of yourself.

I too am going through personal issues with my mother and the way she treats me. I am seeing a shrink to get an oustide opinion. I was told some flat out truths this week that shocked my world but I took off the Neptune glasses and could see where my shrink had taken me to. Usually I would have left my shrink in the dust but what she said hurt like hell but I am working through it. I am 44yrs old and no one disses my parents. Yeah well she did. I am reworking by visualization the things that were done and actually taking my mother out of the picture. So when the memories come back they don't hurt anymore. I felt like this was an illusion working through the reality of what actually had happened. In my case there was no other choice.

The truth hurts. Good luck on the job front. There are some positive things that will come along.

Cathy

Guest 77

Reflect on your experience and extract the negs from your experience and pursue the positives. You will get positive feed back on this forum, let the positiveness cuddle you.

Please accept my and 's

Guest 77

pamkw

Thanks for the kind words everyone. My mother has been talking about me to my sisters, but I have heard anything yet. It is sad to realize that if we were not related, we would not even be friends. If I were her co worker I would just shake my head and walk away. But we are related and that is why it hurts.

Pam

berylblue

Just hang in there, okay, Pam?

R

talesin

{{{pam}}}

mom stuff can be challenging. it can be hard to see the reality of who 'mom' is. sorry this is a difficult time for you.

hang in there, pam. my thoughts are with you, along with lots of others. hope employment is in your near future!

sf

{{{{{{ compassionate hug }}}}}}

Pam,

You are SO not alone here. 'Sharing' this was a very kind gesture on your part. Many, I am sure who are reading this now, yet don't DARE post, are grateful that you 'vomitted' verbally. Such deceit and betrayal and sheer backstabing by your own mother. A person can only bear so much. I Know this all too well mySELF Pam.

I carry such TOTAL ambivelence (lolololol, i Know what some are thinking right now, but thats ok...i Know what i'm thinking on a higer level, so i'm safe...whew!) towards my 'mother'. She has displayed, BYE HER VISABLE AND SPOKEN ACTIONS Absolute Betrayal.

I loathe her daily, yet yearn for her eternally. I dream of her in many dynamic 'ways' Some dreams are from the past. I'm back 'there', before The Tower Men Take Over. I cry so hard sometimes in these dreams that my eyes are wet upon Awakening! Sometimes, the dream will be of the apartment we lived in during my disfellowshipment and I am trying to 'climb the stairs' up to her (we lived on top floor). When I get 'there' she isn't there, yet I feel her presence and suddenly the apartment morphs into the apartment we lived in before the Tower and I just keep seeking her and calling her on the phone trying to find her. Then it hits me...she is at the bar down the street where she used to go before the Tower. In reality, she would go to the bars alot. In the dream, I can never find her. Yet, keep seeking....

Pardon my 'vomit'. But you know how it is for some...just the smell of anothers 'vomit' can cause a gag reflex.

I hope you fel better soon Pam. Truly.

Try a hot oil bath and a good cry then get some rest. Tomorrow you, can breathe again. Take good care.

Sincerely, sKally

I had thought I had gotten over all this crap.

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