Hello, I was hoping to get some clarification about how people are disciplined for immorality as a JW. I became involved with a co-worker a few years ago, she was fairly aggressive and she initiated a physical relationship very quickly. At the time I did not know she was married and a JW. When I found out she was married she explained she was in the process of getting a divorce, but it was complicated due to her beliefs. I was, still am very much in love with her, so I did not question her. Sometimes on trips for work (work in Portland but also travel for some things) she would meet other people in front of and end up sleeping with them. She had explained to me that she could not commit to me yet, but wanted something serious, but just needed some time to figure things out. After a few years we ended up spending practically every day together, and we're basically living together, but she maintained an apartment on her own. She successfully hid our relationship from her family and friends for over 4 years. I tried to start conversations about what would happen is she became pregnant, I did not want the first time her father net me as her partner to be under the circumstances of explaining a pregnancy. Besides that we were very much in love, and I was hoping and planning on marrying her. In the fall out of nowhere, she said she was conflicted and needed to stop our relationship, she wanted to start living by Bible principals again. For years she had written me countless notes stating how she couldn't wait for us to be together forever. I was devestated. She said we could not marry because it would be too complicated, and she was already once divorced. Despite breaking up she would still call me occasionally to just be physical. This went on for a few months. One occasion, she wanted to be physical, but would not remove her top. It was a very awkward scenario and troubled me. She was planning a trip to California for over a month in early December, and we were supposed to talk before she left. She ended up leaving without contacting me. I became very upset and sent her many messages detailing my anger, confusion, and hurt, as well as some suspicions. This upset her, but she did admit that the reason she did not want to remove her shirt the one time was because she had marks on her chest from another lover. I was devestated. She was already seeing other people physically, and was still physical with me. After this she stopped talking to me, said she needed some time and would explain after she had some time.to think. It is now May and I still can not think about being with any girl besides her. She will not speak to me, but informed me in March she had a new boyfriend. I feel incredibly guilty for my actions now, and am very heat broken. I want to get apologize to her husband for being with her and being at the house they shared when he was away. I want to get closure so I can move on. Portland is not a big place, I will undoubtedly see her out and about once quarantine is lifted. If I doninwill not be able to help myself, and I will want to ask why everything happened the way it did. If I do this in front of one of her family members, I will essentially be giving away the secret she kept. I do not want to hurt her, but I am so distraught and I know that if I do see her I won't be able to help myself from asking her questions. How severe is the JW community regarding this kind of behavior? I don't want her to lose anything, I just need closure, I am constantly troubled by this, losing her was worst thing that has ever happened, it haunts me daily, keeps me from sleeping. I'm so conflicted. If I do nothing I fear I'll just have a nervous breakdown. Hoping to get some honest insight from you all here. I appreciate anyone who takes time to read this and respond. Thank you
Repercussions for sexual immorality
by Veryconflicted 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Finkelstein
but it was complicated due to her beliefs.
That's because full fledged JWS are not allowed to get a divorce unless there is adultery by either of the two partners, they follow the ancient Hebrew laws of social conduct via from the bible.
Sorry dude but you may have been exploited there a bit.
Sounds like she is now on a rebellious out of control do want she wants personal agenda, which says she is going to sleep with whoever and whenever she wants to now.
Some good honest advise for you would be just move on forget her, put it into your history book, look out for other women .........really !
JWS are mostly Fu..ed up in the head, trust me on that, mixed up emotionally, intellectually immature and imbalanced, this religious cult does that to them for the most part.
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Veryconflicted
It's not rebellion. She still goes door to door and goes to meeting. It's just like a secret thing she does. She is a good person besides all of this. I would move on if I could. If I see her I won't be able to hold back, even if a family member is present, I just know it. I am curious as to how badly this would affect her standing with church. Maybe if I understand what would happen but would help me resist saying anything.
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Finkelstein
I should also mention that the JW church would have disfellowshipped (Publicly shunned) her by the Congregation she went to for her conduct while being married.
Some JWS who have that happened to them will go on a careless behavioral path, thinking well if this was I have now I might as well make the best of it, I will try and get back into the religion later on after I have some fun.
Seen this quite often and certain men and woman later on find their love partners are wanted to get back into the religion pulling them along .
Like I said previously stay away from woman who are half playing a role of non-JWS and JWS they will screw you up badly in the end.
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DesirousOfChange
Likely the best thing you can do for yourself is move on! Fast!
This lady is totally f*cked up with the JW Bullshit!
Obviously she has moved on. You should likewise.
Good luck!
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the girl next door
As hard as it may be for you to walk away and not give it another thought or action, that is exactly what you need to do. She is not in love with you but instead a very toxic person. Don't let her destroy your life any longer.
Her past and present will catch up to her without any input from you.
Get yourself tested for STDs.
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Veryconflicted
I'm trying very hard to move on. Five months and it is only getting worse. I know I am going to see her out after quarantine at some point. I just don't want to be the reason for her getting found out. I'm already feeling so guilty about the lying to everyone, I had met her parents briefly a few times, they know me as a co-worker only. I suppose that it is up to chance. I hope I can restrain myself if I see her and she is with family. Also, I don't want to totally burn my bridge with her because people can change, and I would want to give this another chance if possible. I know I sound silly but she is the love of my life. She is younger and I understand that people go through that. This is really helpful, I appreciate the time you all have given to respond. I've been so distraught, I needed to talk to someone about this but I can't because of the need to keep the secret. I wish I would have found this forum months ago.
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Vanderhoven7
Unfortunately your ex-girlfriend has serious commitment issues as well as uncontrolled desire for new sexual experiences. My take is that you should have nothing else to say or do with her or her family. Never thought I'd say this....but let Jehovah handle this one and avoid all potentially vindictive reporting of yours or others sins.
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Finkelstein
I know I sound silly but she is the love of my life.
By the information you offered you are not the love of her life.
For that reason alone you shouldn't invest your emotions and heart to someone who isn't responding in kind.
Be smart and move on.
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caves
Yes, move on.
As far as repercussions for her, that depends on how well she is able to lie and hide it. You'd most certainly be painted a lying crazy person if you try to confront it.
Either way she will not be pursuing you beyond sex. That should be glaringly apparent.
For your mental health, grieve, and move on. Don't expect closure. This gal is messed up.
The bitchy side of me wants to say 'blow it all wide open' , but honestly it would be a waste of your time and energy. Or not, you were taken for a ride for several years. Id have a hard time letting it go.
The ball is in your court. You could take her down if you wanted in terms of the jws. But what is the price you will pay if you do or don't. That's the only thing I would be focused on. The price you pay.
Is 1 women on this planet worth the turmoil?