Family Insists on Having Relationship with My Child -

Cimarrona

Hi gang, I'm a single mother of an 8 month old baby boy. I've been df'd for over six years now. My parents are super dubs and most of my siblings are dubs (on paper - a couple have been inactive my entire life but still claim to believe) with the exception of a brother who was never baptized. For awhile, I had no choice but to rely on my parents for childcare support when I had to go into the office or had a pressing deadline or just wanted to clean my house. Regretfully, I would let them pick him up to go to their house, knowing that I was not allowed there. Now, granted, I wasn't trying to go over - I had my own shit to do. It was just a bad precedent to set. Anyway, I had to put my foot down a week or so ago when my sister (who had been df'd when I was a kid; her husband and kids aren't dubs) told me she'd be in town and asked if my baby could come over to my parents house (where i can't enter cause Jesus or paul or somebody said don't let them cross your threshold) to visit with them. I was just like, "As long as your desire to have a relationship with my child is contingent on my absence, you will not have a relationship with him. I'm not allowing him to be taught that I'm to be treated as less than for any reason, biblical or otherwise. I am open, as I always have been, to developing a loving, respectful, harmonious relationship so that you can show him by example that I am to be loved and respected. He will not be exposed to anything else." She responded saying that she wasn't ignoring me but was running late getting on the road and she'd reach out later. I haven't heard anything back yet. I'm glad to have ended 2017/started 2018 with some former boundaries. I've seen my dad a few times since her visit (my parents are my landlords) and none of those times has he asked if they could pick up the baby (a standard question for him) which leads me to believe that she conveyed my message to the rest of them. It definitely makes life harder. I'd like to clean my house and take a shower and get my work done and run errands without having to get a baby in and out of the car. But life could be much harder. I have no expectations of them and at this point can't even say I miss 'em. I do wish my sister would let her husband invite me to his family holidays though. He reached out via social media to apologize for not being prohibited from doing so by her. Eye roll.

M3tadata69

I to was df'd when my two kids were tots. My jw family did not want to associate with me or then wife, but they did want to have time with my kids. We did allow them the time with the kids until the kids started coming home saying "Jehovah doesn't like that", "Jehovah doesn't like birthdays...Christmas". We ended up having to cut ties with the in-laws because of this but a couple months later they went behind our backs and went to my own jw grandmother and begged to see them through her and she let them without our consent.

I agree with setting conditions for the jw family seeing your child. You should not have to raise your child while being undermined by your family, or having them teach your child that your an evil person that is doomed for destruction.

Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

Hey @Cimarrona, I've posted this before, but will paste an excerpt of an email I've sent to my parents using the Bible to debunk the disfellowshipping arrangement enforced by WT. You referenced Paul's words in your post, so hopefully this will give you some righteous indignation about where you stand with your family in regards to the scriptures:

"First scripture I implore you to re-read is Jon: 10b-11 “do not receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For the one who says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”

For context, please go back just a few versus to verse 7: “For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those not acknowledging Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh. This is the deceiver and the antichrist.” Verse 10a reinforces this by saying "If anyone comes to to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your homes…”

This is in reference to those who are KNOWINGLY denying the resurrection of Jesus Christ, or that he came in the flesh.

The second scripture is 1Cor 5:11 “…stop keeping in company with anyone called a brother who is sexually immoral or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.”

Again, context is very import here. This verse is highlighting a special circumstance that the Corinthian congregation was faced with: Verse one of chapter five refers to the man who is sexually immoral with his father’s wife and living with her. This is the person acting as if they were are brother, carrying on as though they were doing nothing wrong and, ultimately, acting like a hypocrite. And notice - in spite all of that - nowhere does this account instruct not to say a greeting to such a person. It’s simply saying not associate with him as normal because he is doing something very disturbing. Another detail to take note of: the scripture says, “But now I am writing you to stop keeping company with anyone called a brother--” so when one decides to leave the WT organization, they are no longer considered a “brother” or sister. How can this apply to ones who have disassociated? This scripture has nothing to do with refusing to say a greeting to these people in public or shunning them even in private (refusing contact).

The custom/tradition of disfellowshipping ones and the process of “applying for reinstatement” and undergoing a set period of time of “proving” oneself before contact can be made with family and loved ones is completely foreign to what the Bible teaches. One just has to consider the parable Jesus made about the Prodigal Son. His father saw the son returning from a distance and… subsequently sent three servants to sit with him, test him for repentance and gave him a full twelve months to sit outside the father’s home before even being acknowledged by his family? We both know that’s not how the account went. The father came running, fell upon his son and kissed him tenderly - in SPITE - of not knowing his heart condition. This is the essence of true Christian love, as taught by Christ. It is unconditional.

As for sinners who still wish to belong to the organization, WT offers us this scripture from 2Thes 3:14 “But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter keep this one marked and stop associating with him, so that he may become ashamed.” Verse 15 reconciles this with “And yet do NOT consider him an enemy, but CONTINUE ADMONISHING HIM AS A BROTHER.” Contrast this with the coldness of shunning as practiced by the Society with video dramatizations and WT articles urging family to not even answer the phone if their disfellowshipped son/daughter/parent is calling. Remember, the Prodigal Son’s father saw his son from a LONG WAY OFF and didn’t have the indoctrinated reflex to turn his face the other way."

If you show this reasoning/explanation of context to your family, the real test will be whether or not they genuinely follow God's teachings instead of those of men (the WT).

Wasanelder Once

We make it harder on ourselves when we compromise as you have expressed. Once you "use" witnoid family to make parenting easier you have invited trouble. So now you are setting boundaries that will serve your child very well. If you stick with it, it will be a protection from a life squandered on fairy tales, conditional love and cult captivity. Stay strong. Just be the parent you signed up to be, throw the child on your hip and get busy!

smiddy3

And above all beware of the "Theocratic Warfare Strategy" which includes withholding information from you that could influence your decision or allowing you to believe something implied but not actually stated to also give you a false impression.

Don`t be sucked in

moreconfusedthanever

Good for you. Stick to your resolution. If they won't have a relationship with you then why should you allow them to have your child in their care to indoctrinate in your absence.

It may be harder for now but it will get easier.

stan livedeath

its happened in my family. my ex--a born in--shuns our d/f son (41). she has never seen his boy --hes 32 months now..sons wife wont allow it.

i hate how the watchtower has wrecked my family.

Diogenesister

Another detail to take note of: the scripture says, “But now I am writing you to stop keeping company with anyone called a brother--” so when one decides to leave the WT organization, they are no longer considered a “brother” or sister. How can this apply to ones who have disassociated? This scripture has nothing to do with refusing to say a greeting to these people in public or shunning them even in private (refusing contact).

Wake-me -ups rebuttal Is brilliant and I would urge you to show your parents, adding that *their* conscience should be their guide, no one else's.

It also occurred to me that this is talking about " brothers", NO WHERE does it mention to do this to family members.

LisaRose

Good for you in setting boundaries. I know how difficult it must be to not have that child care at times, but you don't want to go down that path and have your child grow up thinking it's OK to let people treat you like that, better to have your house be a little dirty.

scratchme1010

I would let them pick him up to go to their house, knowing that I was not allowed there.

Your family, your rules. If you are not allowed in or invited, then your child isn't.

Family Insists on Having Relationship with My Child -_-