Please call and report your brother to Adult Protective Services if you have proof that he is stealing or misappropriating your mother's money.
Going to see my abusive jw mother tomorrow
by Simonsez 19 Replies latest jw experiences
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Anna Marina
I don't know if you are in UK but if so, don't get your expectations up too high regarding professional support. I know of one case where the involvment of a barrister could not overturn a sad matter regarding an elderly one.
What I have learnt over the years with the elderly is to be kind and be there. Stay in touch. The injustices they suffer are probably not going to be addressed. Maybe a little but it'll be a tiring fight. In the end what matters is your love for them.
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tiki
Good grief....forget about money and legalities. Just visit the woman who gave birth to you ..... Chat....tell her all your happy things..... Forget religion and anything divisive and live in the moment. Feel some love...express it...and let the visit be a fun uplifting time for the two of you.
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GrreatTeacher
My parents have their medical power of attorney signed over to the elders.
I found this out when they both nearly died in a car accident several years ago.
Just as well, I would definitely tell doctors to give them blood in an emergency.
We haven't had that conversation, but could you imagine their horror?
"Yes, Mom and Dad, I would tell the doctors to save your life!"
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LV101
Of course visit(s) need to be made especially since she's reached out and wants to see her daughter unless Simonsez determines her mental/physical health is on the line and she can't! I think it's wise to make sure her mother's assets are protected for her living/care needs which could end up being a substantial amount if she lives a long life. If her funds are not managed wisely she could end up being placed into a nursing home that is not so good. So many elderly in nursing homes end up being uprooted from the facility because they or the family no longer can pay the fees - decent ones are very expensive for minimal care in assisted living - the more needs one has equals more added expenses. Elderly can blow through savings accounts pretty fast once they need extra care.
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dubstepped
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Simply because someone had sex and you were the byproduct doesn't mean they were ever good for you in any way or that you owe them anything. Many people have toxic and abusive parents that end up spending their lives acting like they have Stockholm Syndrome, chasing that love from people that never had it for them, continuing the abusive cycle. I'd walk away and leave her be. You're likely going to drag your heart through the briars again and for what.
I find that many ex-JWs make a mistake of seeing their parents through an ideal lens of who they wish they were instead of who they actually are. They spend their entire lives never being good enough for people that are often abusive and possibly full blown narcissists. You can't get anything good and they will take everything they can from you, leaving you broken, just the same pattern as the cult but in the form of a parent.
You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run. Work on grieving that bad relationship and accepting that it is what it is and losing the tight grip on a hope that it somehow could be different, and let it go.
If there's some sort of elder abuse you could report then you might do that but then it's out of your hands. And just because your abusive mom requests you doesn't mean you have to indulge her.
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JoenB75
I agree too many old assholes out there. They must reap what they sow
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Simonsez
It was a disaster. She tried to guilt me into changing my stance. My wife and her nurse could not believe her behaviour. I guess no matter what a leopard can't change their spots. I guess it is a toxic relationship , no matter how much I wished otherwise. I did not even present her with the evidence of her financial abuse. What would be the point sigh.
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Betheliesalot
I wish I had seen a elder abuse attorney when my dad died 7 yrs ago, just to get in and see what my brother was up to early in his POA rampage. Mom was in a rest home and my brother was in complete charge of paying her bills. The courts never followed up with making him account for her money and in 4 years he spent all her money on himself and her, then called me to take over. This cost me and my older brother over $30,000 to take away POA legally and make up her debts he had made in her name. In some states you are legally liable for your parents nursing home bills. APS got involved and bad brother got away with just a scolding for elder abuse. I wish I had seen an attorney earlier before all the money was spent. So my suggestion is contact an elder abuse attorney,because this is a legal matter whether you like it or not
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LV101
dub stepped -- you are right. How many times I've read a toxic parent is always forgiven by the abused, adult, child. I don't think it's so bad today - psychology and help has come a long way and not all humans/churches pressure adult children to forgive. Some people are still like that -- very sad.