First I ignored all of the elders phone calls to send my recommendation letter to my new congregation, truth is I had already started my fade and moved across town and didn't have a new congregation. I deleted all jw friends on facebook. I also threw away all of my public talks recorded on CD, all literature, even my book bag and my bible. I wish I had kept my bible as it was custom and signed by my jw family and so it had sentimental value, but i realized why keep it when they don't speak to me anyway? Technically im not DF or disaccociated I just left it all alone. I didnt want to give them the satisfaction. In hindsight, I think throwing everything away was a defense mechanism to free myself mentally and physically.
What steps did you take to free yourself from the cult? mentally or physically?
by HereIgo 21 Replies latest jw experiences
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Ucantnome
I wrote to the society and phoned the elders asking them to come round which they finally did 9 months after I wrote my letter. We had a discussion. I asked them If they wanted to disfellowship me they declined.
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Chook
I rang my close friends and expressed my new views and I showed them crazy quotes from WT. I regularly rang my friends at the same frequency and those that ignored my calls got the big delete. I'm afraid there are only about 3 or 4 that answer, the trajectory is definitely down hill. I'm lucky of have wordly family and worldly friends whose friendship is not conditional on my prayer direction. Forums like this really help me emotionally. I have a good attitude regarding the JWs that reject me, I know it's their loss not having my acquaintance. I didn't reject them, so my loyalty will be better directed elsewhere.
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tornapart
Physically it's quite hard with family still in but I've managed to become inactive and only go to meetings once in a while. Mentally it's been more successsful as I make sure that in my mind I no longer belong. This makes it easier to react to others as though I am on the outside, not allowing them any power over me (even if only in my own mind). It helps a lot to be able to visualise them as friends who are trapped rather than enemies and allows me to set boundaries that they cannot cross. I really think freeing oneself from a cult is more mental than physical and takes a lot of time and patience. Once you've been able to do it, it becomes a lot easier and you find yourself being accepted rather than shunned.
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OnTheWayOut
While in, I finally reached the doubt stage that allowed me to thoroughly investigate the internet links such as jwfacts and freeminds. I ordered and read Steve Hassan's COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and Ray Franz' CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE. Since I was a very involved elder, I had to make some drastic changes. I resigned as an elder claiming I had doubt, particularly in following the lead of the anointed without knowing any of them personally. Basically, I was honest enough to make the brothers scared to talk to me, because they seem to believe that apostasy is contagious.
I quickly faded because my doubts were well-known among the elders.
To deal with my own psychological letting go, I embraced the idea of meeting other former JW's. I went to counseling to face the things that made me join the JW's and to face letting go. I even had a solemn private ceremony denouncing my baptism and allowing myself to violate my own conscience when dealing with lying to the JW's or withholding information or dealing with JW family in the same way. Since baptism was a water thing, unbaptism included fire- the burning of Watchtower literature.
I have since traveled across the United States and included meeting with other former JW's. While not afraid of them, I have found it better in my case to just avoid all JW's except for my mother and my wife and her family. I just have no reason to have any interaction and it keeps the elders from bothering me- no fellowship means no need to investigate a need to disfellowship. -
just fine
I moved 2000 miles away and dropped every JW I knew. Didn't keep in touch with any of them. I now keep in touch with my parents but that's it. No other JW contacts. I needed time and space to get my head straightened out and I couldn't do that with witnesses always trying to guilt me back into the cult. And now I just don't have the patience for that kind of crazy in my life.
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OUTLAW
What steps did you take to free yourself from the cult? mentally or physically?
I Walked Away and Never Looked Back..
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redpilltwice
I fully found TTATT after years of following Candace Conti and discovering jwfacts, ad1914 and jwsurvey during the summer of 2015. Talked to the wife and kids and they got it. Thank god no other family in. Two meetings with elders regarding my doubts, where we respectfully disagreed, just two sunday meetings, field service from auxillary pioneer in september to zero hours in five months and voila...mission completed. No jc, just some shunning here and there and at most a handfull of witnesses that still see and mail me now and then but hey...I'm not complaining 😆.
So, physically out 100%. Mentally 99% but still angry and frustrated about the waisted years. Not sure how much anti-Jw activism it's all worth at the risk of being disfellowshipped after all. A fade under the radar gives subtle opportunities to reach some witnesses that are not completely brain dead, but... all at the right place at the right time. In general, we have reached the state that the internet, understanding English and some courage should be enough to get someone out of the Borg, at least mentally.
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scratchme1010
To me it was very important to leave in my terms and because I said so, so I did a whole lot of lying and pretending to avoid getting disfellowshipped.
I changed congregations and went to a place where they didn't know me (even though I knew that the record will follow), I started college in the evenings, I started building relationships outside the congregation. I also had a boyfriend who gave me a lot of support in my fading process.
When elders and other people in the congregation started asking questions, I kept my responses vague and will throw something about a very recent WT article so they saw that I was current, and I kept myself as undetectable as possible.
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RogueLeader
Mentally 99% but still angry and frustrated about the waisted years. Not sure how much anti-Jw activism it's all worth at the risk of being disfellowshipped after all.
I understand what you mean redpilltwice. I'm still angry and bitter about the years of deception and treatment from so-called friends and those 'taking the lead'. But I'll be officially DA'd next week, so not worried too much about the risk. Just worried for my teenage children who are still in the 'organization'.
I deleted all jw friends on facebook. I also threw away all of my public talks recorded on CD, all literature, even my book bag and my bible.
I did similar HereIgo. I started blocking JW friends on Facebook and Instagram, since I realized that some were visiting my social pages either to report back, spread info among family members, or just curious. I figured, if you're so curious about what's going on in my life, why not call or text me instead? All of a sudden, you're curious about my life but never took steps to maintain a decent friendship or association (like invites for coffee at least) during my years in the 'truth'. I blocked as many as I could figure out, except my children of course.
As for discarding literature... I've done the opposite. I've kept my 'revised' grey Bible, along with the previous versions of the NWT like the black and green editions from the past decades. Also kept my Kingdom Interlinear Translation of the Greek Scriptures, as I've heard that this proves valuable to refute some of the changes that were made in the NWT. I also have my own King James version of the Bible and plan on obtaining other Bible editions. Now that I'm out, I feel this spiritual void in my life... I need to search for truth. This all has to make sense for me.