Hi paradiseseeker,
When looking at options for leaving the idea of fading comes up. The goal of fading is to slowly disengage over a long period of time such that essentially the Ex-JW is forgotten. That is, as far as the congregation is concerned. The advantage of course is the Ex-JW can then hope to be treated by JW family and friends in a non-shunning manner.
However I would suggest there is another option: Abrupt stop followed by no substantial communication as to why. In fact jw [dot] org claims this approach will not resulting in shunning. They claim: "Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to
others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow
believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest."
The key to this approach (assuming the goal is not to be shunned) is "no substantial communication." JWs generally have cultivated a deep sense of loyalty to the organization. Well meaning family and friends will often report to the elders those who say anything contrary regarding the organization. Thus statements such as, "Yes, I've haven't been to meetings in sometime. However, please, I don't want to talk about it. Know that I love the brothers and sisters as I always have." This communicate that you don't want to talk but also that you are not a threat.
I left abruptly. Literally the same day I was out in service. I even had to call the elders to tell them my home could not be used as a book study center. No action, other than a marking talk, was taken at the time. I left in October 2007 and openly celebrated Christmas in 2009. This did prompt a response. After being contacted twice by phone I wrote them the following letter (see below). This did cause them to pause but finally in March in 2010 they announced my name without informing me in advance. After chatting with a lawyer I decided not to pursue the matter. Such a case would be difficult to win and costly.
All in all I'm reasonably happy with the actions I took and the outcome. JWs have crafted the statement to protect themselves legally. While that works, it also leaves me to say, quite correctly, that I am not disfellowshipped, I never disassociated, and at no time was a JW ever directed to shun me. When I show up as memorial (as I do each year) there is little they could do other than ask me to leave. But since no one knows all the details I find some shun some don't.
Here is the letter:
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I have prepared
this written response in anticipation of your concerns.
Ecclesiastes
7:1 says “A name is better than good oil”. Most people are
concerned about how others view them and I am no different. For the
most part, our good name results from right action on our part. Yet
not everyone will agree what is considered right and proper. For
example, you and I may see nothing wrong in enjoying a cup of hot
coffee, yet a devout Mormon may view such as a serious sin.
Likewise,
one of Jehovah's Witnesses may look upon a house decorated with
Christmas lights with disdain. In contrast, the majority of the
community may see such as a delightful display of “Christmas
Spirit”. More informed individuals may reflect upon the ancient
beliefs regarding the winter solstice and note how connected our
lives are to the power of the sun.
For
the Christmas season of 2009 I have decided to decorate my house with
lights for good reason.
As
a member of the community who has had no substantial1
association with Jehovah's Witnesses in over two years I am not under
any obligation to explain myself. This is private matter of no
concern to Jehovah's Witnesses. Yet two principals found in the
Bible motivate me to explain.
Psalms
26:4 says, “I have not sat with men of untruth; And with those who
hide what they are I do not come in.”
Matthew
7:12 says, “All things,
therefore, that YOU want men to do to YOU, YOU also must likewise do
to them; this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean.”
I
have no desire to hide what I am. When asked, I have always tried my
best to honestly explain how I feel about matters. By doing so, I
hope to build mutual understanding and respect, even if, when all is
said and done, fundamental differences of viewpoint remain.
It
is my desire for my choices to be understood and respected. On the
other hand, I must try and appreciate how my current actions may
reflect on my former faith. I am confident the golden rule continues
to work as well today as it has in the past. Although I will address
some serious aspects of protecting myself from slander, libel and a
possible religious hate crime, please be assured my desire is to
leave both myself and Jehovah's Witnesses in peace. I will outline
some easy steps that will allow this goal to be accomplished.
Today
I identify myself as an atheist although I do not insist I know for
certain God does not exist.
When
I was baptized in July 1981, I joined Jehovah's Witnesses
voluntarily. When I ceased association in October 2007, I left
voluntarily. I make no pretense among Jehovah's Witnesses or in the
community that I remain one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Even
though I do not believe in God or think of Jesus as anything more
than human, there are several important reasons for decorating my
house with Christmas lights.
The
foremost is an outward signal to the community I no longer adhere to
my former beliefs as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. By refusing to
participate in most holidays, Jehovah's Witnesses ask their members
to act in an esoteric way. These actions cause a separation between
members and non-members. Part of the difficulty one experiences in
leaving the faith is working through a reintegration process. It is
my belief that taking specific actions which outwardly show my
affinity with the community at large will be cathartic. Unless you
have gone through the experience of leaving a faith such as Jehovah's
Witnesses, it is hard to appreciate how difficult the process can be.
I
must stress I am not seeking to officially disassociate from
Jehovah's Witnesses. I also am not seeking to be officially
disfellowshipped from Jehovah's Witnesses. I merely wish to be left
in peace as I have left them in peace.
Membership
in a religious organization in a free country is on a voluntary
basis. I joined voluntarily and I left voluntarily. Jehovah's
Witnesses, like other organizations, have rules and regulations which
govern membership. Those who do not adhere to these rules may have
their membership terminated, even unilaterally. Thus the voluntarily
aspect applies to both parties.
I
would not ask Jehovah's Witnesses to accept me as a member in my
current state of belief. Jehovah's Witnesses believe in God while I
do not. Membership, therefore, would not be compatible. Likewise,
the Phoenix Atheist Group, with whom I occasionally associate, only
accept atheists and agnostics. Those who would identify themselves
as “Christians,” for example, cannot be members.
I
nonetheless, have four reasons to resist official recognition of my
non-member status by Jehovah's Witnesses.
First,
it would serve no purpose. I make no pretense of being one of
Jehovah's Witnesses. I am open and honest with everyone about what I
believe. If some Jehovah's Witnesses feel my current beliefs make
friendship with me impossible, such is their personal choice.
Second,
I have family and friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses. Although my
relationship with them has changed somewhat, by a display of mutual
respect, I have been able to maintain a level of warmth and
communication. An official status of disassociation or
disfellowshipment would impair these relationships, perhaps
irrevocably. This is not a burden I seek to place on myself or these
family members and friends.
Third,
many former Jehovah's Witnesses have found comfort and support by
seeking out other former members. Online forums and face-to-face
support meetings can now be readily arranged through the power of the
internet. First time members to these communities are often fearful
of who they will encounter. Being able to truthfully report I am
neither disassociated or disfellowshipped can assuage such fears.
The
Phoenix Atheist Group would be interested in how religious
organizations treat former members. However, unlike former Jehovah's
Witnesses, my status as disassociated or disfellowshipped would not
be a concern to this group.
Fourth,
the leadership of Jehovah's Witnesses has made no provision for a
dignified resignation that does not involve implying bad character
and subsequent shunning of the former member.
You
may find such frank talk about former members and meet-up groups
disconcerting. Yet, upon reflection, you may realize this should be
of little concern to Jehovah's Witnesses. These groups are for
former
members who are seeking support while transitioning out of the faith.
As a Jehovah's Witnesses congregation elder, you are only able to
assist those returning
to,
remaining in
or joining
for the first time. Support for former
members and those leaving
the faith is the exact opposite of what you can provide. What would
it say about Jehovah's Witnesses if they sought to interfere with a
few thousand former members who meet in rag-tag support groups around
the world?
Nonetheless,
we must reach a balance where legitimate
concerns of Jehovah's Witnesses relative to actions of Randy
Galbraith can be addressed while avoiding punitive
measures simply because of your dislike for atheists and former
Jehovah's Witnesses.
If
I am made the subject of slander or libel with clear intent to bring
harm to my good character, I will resist, legally if necessary.
Since
I have left voluntarily and am no longer a member, the only
legitimate concern may be a misunderstanding of my views by some
Jehovah's Witnesses or members of the community. I am sure you do
not want any to conclude Jehovah's Witnesses have relaxed their views
on Christmas decorations because of the choices I have made. I do
not want misunderstanding to persist either. I thus offer these
suggestions as avenues for resolution.
-
You
are welcome to leave me in peace, concluding some misunderstandings
may happen from time to time, but do not carry enough concern that
they need to be addressed.
-
You
are welcome to direct any with inquiries to contact me for an
explanation.
-
In
private, you are welcome to explain to any who inquire that I am an
atheist, however, I have not been disfellowshipped nor have I
disassociated myself. Therefore, the congregation is not directing
anyone to shun me.
-
You
are welcome to make this one time public announcement, provided it
is stated clearly and read in full:
“This
is to inform the congregation that Randy Galbraith identifies himself
as an atheist. He has not been disfellowshiped. He has not
disassociated himself. The congregation is not being directed
to shun him. This announcement is being made for informational
purposes only.”
I
hope at this point all your concerns have been answered and the
matter can now be settled. My sincere and best wishes go with you.
What,
though, if you are unable to comply with the above suggestions? I
want to stress that my only desire is to be peaceable with all
concerned. I hold no malice towards Jehovah's Witnesses. I will ask
a court to judge our concerns only as a last resort.
If
you decide to form a Judicial Committee, please be aware I do not
view myself under your ecclesiastical authority. I am happy to meet
with you or other Jehovah's Witnesses to discuss matters. If you
view such as a Judicial Committee, that is your right, however, I
will not. Since the outcome may involve charges of slander, libel or
religious hate crime, I must insist on certain things up front.
-
All
face-to-face and over-the-phone meetings will be recorded for
posterity.
-
No
face-to-face meetings will take place without my legal counsel
present.
-
I
must be informed in writing who I am dealing with, who they
represent, what their charges are and what action they intend on
taking.
-
All
written records, including, but not limited to, letters, forms and
notes, pertaining to my case must be kept for posterity and be made
available to me or my legal counsel upon request.
-
All
correspondence and oral direction given or received between the
local congregation and legal entities of Jehovah's Witnesses must be
recorded and kept for posterity and made available to me or my legal
counsel upon request.
-
I
must insist myself and my legal counsel be made aware seven days in
advance of any intended public announcement involving my name. I
must be allowed suitable opportunity to record the announcement for
posterity. My legal counsel must be allowed to be present.
-
I
must insist myself and my legal counsel be made aware seven days in
advance of any meeting parts, such as “local needs” or “marking
talks”, wherein the substance of my private life is discussed,
even if my name is not mentioned. I must be allowed suitable
opportunity to record such for posterity. My legal counsel must be
allowed to be present.
-
I
must insist names, addresses and phone numbers of congregation
members who hear any announcement involving my name or talks wherein
the substance of my private life is discussed be made available to
myself and my legal counsel for possible depositions.
-
Any
private counsel written or orally given to congregation members
involving my case must be recorded and made available to me or my
legal counsel upon request.
My
understanding regarding disfellowshipping is the following format is
used: “So-and-so is not one of Jehovah's Witnesses”. I call
this the “short-form”.
Within the context
of free exercise of religion, such a statement may find
justification. For example, if one of Jehovah's Witnesses who seeks
continued association and views himself under your ecclesiastical
authority commits adultery, such an individual may not object. In
fact, they may be grateful details of their “sin” have not been
elaborated upon. Such an individual may then seek reinstatement, and
through this process, feel the “sin” has been put behind them and
once again enjoy fellowship within the faith.
However,
my situation is dramatically different. I have not shown any moral
lapses of which I might be ashamed. My belief Jehovah God most
likely does not exist is as sincerely held as yours that he does. I
do not view myself as under your ecclesiastical authority. I have
left and am not seeking continued association.
If
the short form is used without elaboration, I can only conclude you
have decided to slander me with clear intent to bring harm to my good
character. This is so, because both you and I know the public
statement “Randy Galbraith is not one of Jehovah's Witnesses”
suffers in what is not said and what is implied.
Several means of addressing misunderstanding and confusion about my
status as a non-member have been given above. If this “short-form”
statement is used rather than the more precise one I suggested above,
I will ask a court to conclude the following:
This
“short-form” statement was made with the full knowledge it would
do far more than merely clear up any misunderstanding regarding my
non-member status. It would directly result in harm to my good
character. My family and friends who remain as Jehovah's Witnesses
would be obliged to shun me. Former members who may wish to interact
with me may become fearful upon learning I have been
disfellowshipped. This outcome was known in advance and pursued
despite viable alternatives because
of your dislike
of atheists and former Jehovah's Witnesses. You intend
to bring harm to my good character. You intend
to interfere with the functioning of former Jehovah's Witnesses
support groups.
Likewise, any private counsel wherein
my name is used or implied that has clear intent to bring harm to my
good character or impair my relationships with family and friends who
are Jehovah's Witnesses I shall view as slander.
In conclusion, it is good to reflect upon the true meaning of
religious freedom. For we cannot rightly secure religious freedom
for ourselves if we seek to deny it from others.
The July 2009 Awake! said “God allows each person the
freedom to choose how he or she will respond. No one should be forced
to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose
between his beliefs and his family.”2
I commend the Awake! author on such a reasonable view. I only
ask you apply such sentiment not only to those leaving other faiths
to join Jehovah's Witnesses, but also extend such to those of us who
do the opposite.
Yours sincerely,
Randy Galbraith
1Within
the first year after leaving, I attended 3 meetings, since then, I
have attended no more.
2http://www.freeminds.org/blogs/from-ctrl-to-ctrl-alt-delete/recent-email-with-jw-on-july-2009-awake.html
