Filing for Divorce

iiz2cool

I got married while I was a JW and have been married for 16 years. The last 10 years have been totally loveless, and we have merely existed under the same roof, nothing more. Now that I've disassociated myself we have nothing in common at all. The only thing we ever really had in common was the cult, but now all we do is argue about it. I suspect my wife is already considering divorce too, but is waiting for my mother to pass away, so that she can get half of my inheiritance. She can legally do this if I receive it while we are still married. My mother doesn't have long to live, as she's 81 now and has cancer.

I don't know anyone who has gone through a divorce, so any advice on this would be appreciated.

Thanks

Walter

m0nk3y

Hi iiz2cool, the only advice I could think of is if you have children make sure they feel loved from both your wife and yourself if possible and never bad mouth the other party in front of them. Other than that all I can think of is keep it as civil as you possibly can in this situation, divorce can be a hard process in most cases, keeping it civil will avoid in making it drawn out and difficult.

monk3y

notperfectyet

You don't know anyone who has gone through a divorce???

Oh my, where do you live?

The last question is for every country has it's own laws.

edited cuz I said county instead of country

Lady Lee

get a lawyer to protect yourself

Most large universities have a free legal information service - check the front of your phone book or I think it is York University in Toronto and the U of T that have legal departments. See if they offer free info. They cannot give you legal advice but they can tell you what your rights are and point you in the right directions

Skeptic

From what I remember of Ontario Divorce Laws.

Get a book called Divorce in Ontario...I think that is what it is called.

Assets are divided based on what you have on your day of separation...so if you want your inheritance, divorce soon.

Assets and debts are divided equally, based on day of separation.

Child custody payments are based on your income vs your spouse's income: translation: the higher income gets screwed royally. Recent changes to Ontario's divorce laws do this. Child support is ridiculously high if your income is reasonable at all.

If you have been married more than 10 years, your spouse can get spousal support, until her death....even if she remarries. The amount is not by a formula, but it can be hefty.

Child support is no longer deductable off your taxes.

To make the divorce final: one year separation OR adultery OR emotional/physicial abuse.

Legally, a divorce agreement ends when the divorce is finalized...so get a separation agreement to handle child support, etc issues.

If you do the paperwork for the divorce yourself, the cost is about $200. That's assuming you and your ex agree on everything.

Email me if you wish.

berylblue

Don't have any advice, but I've been divorced ....twice. It really sucks. Please pm me if you would like to "talk". I've seen only a few of your posts, but you seem extremely intelligent and kind.

iiz2cool

I neglected to mention that we don't have any children, which should make things less complicated.

Walter

Scully

Walter:

Under Candian law, if you and your wife separate now, you will be legally eligible for a divorce in a year's time. That's usually the best (ie, least expensive) route to take. Your shared assets and liabilities will be equally divided. There is an Ontario-based website that takes you through the steps, and gives you an idea of what it will cost you in terms of legal fees, etc. I'll find it and e-mail it to you.

You can also pick up the self-help book Ontario Guide for Divorce (readily available at places like Staples Business Depot). There are two different versions of the book, one for joint filing - where both parties agree to a "no fault" divorce, and another one for sole petitioners - where only one spouse files but the other doesn't. The Guide contains all the forms you will need to file, and specific instructions on how to go about completing the forms.

The Law Society of Upper Canada offers a service whereby you can make a brief (1/2 hour) appointment with a lawyer for a free consultation. Check that out. Also, look into mediation rather than lawyers, so that the terms of your separation agreement and spousal support arrangements are settled in advance.

Finally, it might be a good idea to go for marital counselling, either with your wife or by yourself. If you don't, then you can't say to the court that you tried every available means to reconcile with your wife and save your marriage. Even if you feel that you've done everything (within the JW realm of what "everything" constitutes) it's something that can be helpful for both of you, to help you get an idea of what lies ahead, if nothing else.

Love, Scully

MegaDude

Call me. I run a small home based business "edit for Ex JWs." It's a small niche business but growing every year.

sunshineToo

Get a good, very good divorce lawyer. I'm glad that you didn't have to go through a custody battle for your children. I wish you the very best luck.

For my curious, megaDude, what do you do as a "edit"?

Filing for Divorce

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