need input: My older son has an interesting theory as to why my wife has her head in a watchtower 90% of the time

by goingthruthemotions 22 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Landy

  Maybe stop trying to convert her? Don't talk about JWism and just enjoy your marriage. Try to rekindle your friendship and spend time together.

  There's lots of couples where one goes to the meetings and the other doesn't who have perfectly good relationships. The key is accepting that the other person has free will and can do what they want to.

  Just accept that being a JW is her 'hobby' and let her get on with it.

  She may come out at some point, she may not. One thing is for sure is that if you keep challenging her beliefs when she's not ready for them to be challenged she will become more entrenched.
• 

  Cold Steel

  I believe she's reading the WATCHTOWER for reinforcement...or she's sending you a message in the hopes you'll return to the faith and get with the program. In many ways I'm sympathetic to ħer which is why I urge patience in the matter. In her present state, she sees in you a role of a betrayer. You need to get her to see the Organization as the betrayer.
• 

  Crazyguy

  When I was leaving my wife was getting more in to it. Study reading all the crap etc. now that I'm out and really don't talk to her about anything she has relaxed a bit. I hear this is common all the time.
• 

  The Searcher

  As a fader, I quickly realised that fellow J.W.'s were recoiling and baulking at my sharing truths with them (telling them about the org's corruptions) and that simply asking them questions about a topic rather than making statements was far more effective.

  FACT: J.W.'s absolutely detest being given any new information which has not originated from Brooklyn.

  Plant little seeds - acorns & tall oaks stuff.
  
• 

  Half banana

  The Searcher I had exactly the same experience, even with those who had been close friends. Yes subtly provoke thinking and never condemn the org to an active JW.
• 

  Disassociated Lady 2

  Unfortunately she will not see you as a her husband but the "Devil" who is using you to destroy her true faith. If she is not ready to listen there is no point in trying. Let go and she will see these things more for herself (hopefully) in time. :-) x
  
• 

  WingCommander

  If your sons are old enough to know the cult is crap, and are on your side, why continue to live like this? Get a DIVORCE!!! You can then be free, and she can marry her cult that she obviously loves more than her family.
  
• 

  nonjwspouse

  GTTE I did that same thing to my husband, felling sure he was intelligent enough to recognize all this evidence.

  But I was so wrong, it's about a mind controlled emotion, not intelligence. I pushed him deeper in.The eye glazing, the fingers in the ears, the rages, increased meeting attendance... all of it.
  

  I learned as others here have written, to just.stop. with all negative talk about the Borg. I make negative comments about parallel type current event, or current topic type things to the borg that he will then agree with, until he at some point recognizes the parallel. Then it shows on his face, and I then know it is time to stop. The seed was planted.

  It's going on about five -six years now since he decided he was going to study his born in religion to become baptized, and he is still not studying or baptized. The studies stopped about 3 years ago. He is still mentally in but the seeds continue to be planted. He still reads WT material, but not much. I have no idea if he will eventually go head first back in again, or figure out TTATT.

  It's super stressful to live in limbo isn't it?
  
• 

  sir82

  It sounds like your wife has a strong emotional attachment to the religion.

  If so, all the logic and sound reasoning in the world won't budge her. In fact, it very likely drives her even deeper into her emotional attachment.

  If your goal is to get her to question her beliefs, you need a different strategy. Something that appeal to her emotions.
  
• 

  StarTrekAngel

  Why people join cults
  “Cults form and thrive,” says Deikman, “not because people are crazy, but because they have two kinds of wishes. They want a meaningful life, to serve God or humanity; and they want to be taken care of, to feel protected and secure, to find a home. The first motives may be laudable and constructive, but the latter exert a corrupting effect, enabling cult leaders to elicit behaviour directly opposite to the idealistic vision with which members entered the group.
  But cults, because they only serve the leader, exploit and pervert that useful habit and, to establish and maintain itself, does everything possible to destroy family ties, and any other secure and conventional anchor in a person's life. This has the effect of strengthening a member's bond with the cult and its leader. From this viewpoint, the cults that promote celibacy and the cults that encourage indulgence in sexual promiscuity are seeking the same ends — the destruction of normal family life and the substitution of dependence on the cult group authority. Although ordinary institutions in our society do not yet directly seek to destroy family ties, 'nanny state' interference may be having a similar effect.

  This is so true. This is why you should make an effort to be that protector. Forcing her to question her belief is not going to portrait you as the protector. You are an advantage point if your kids are with you. It is hard to stand watch and do nothing while they rape her brain silly with impunity. But this is the only approach that works. I did not want to believe it myself at the beginning and it was worst for me because my kids are small and they do not know any better. You have your kids on your side. That is pretty powerful.

  Give her the freedom she craves. They won't.. guaranteed. And the day that becomes evident, she will be as mad with them as she is with you now... But when that day comes, she will weight everything and you need to make sure that day she will put you in the right side of the scale. If you keep up the pressure, she will throw you in the same plate as the watchtower.