by jwbot 21 Replies latest jw experiences
I'm sorry to hear this "jwbot!"
I'm in a similar position. I'm sure once I completely cut myself off from "mother-Watchtower," my family will shun me too! I'm a little afraid of this, but what can I do? I believe we need to "pick-up-the-pieces" and move-on.
Hang in there "jwbot! On this board you have a plethora of warm friends that truly care and understand how you feel! They're going "through-it" or have "been-through-it!"
Cyberguy!
Of course, what you say makes perfect sense, BT. It's just hard, sometimes, trying to get the heart to reason rather than feel.
It's threads like this that make me wonder if, in the end, standing up for principle is really worth it.
Freedom at all costs. It's worth it. You didn't ask to be born into a cult. Why should you pay the emotional price? Do you really want to be the victim of emotional blackmail?!?!?
You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. I choose not to surround myself with people who feel that they need to make sure that my beliefs are as narrow-minded as theirs. YUK
Lisa
Well worth it Class
I'm a big believer in the idea that sometimes, you've got to feel the way you feel until you don't feel that way anymore.
In other words, if the feeling is that big, then you should go ahead and wallow in the feeling for a while. We're all allowed.
I think sadness, especially over being separated from family and friends, is a big deal. Don't get me wrong, it took me years to get over my family. I was terribly sad and depressed over it. Now those feelings have melted into an emotional scar that no one sees but me. But I know it's there.
One of my therapists told me once that the feelings of anger and sadness I felt about my family would always be there till the day I died. The trick, however, is that the more I dealt with it, experienced it and moved past it, the smaller the feelings would become. I've found that to be true.
I think the same holds true here. It's very natural and "normal" to feel deep and long lasting sadness over loss. I submit it is better in the long run to face it, go through the experience (and that means feeling really bad for a while) and then healing begins on the other side.
Hhhmmm, I hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of psycho-babble. I do get to rambling sometimes. I also re-read my original post and I want to make it clear that I am not trying to diminsh jwbot's feelings (or yours teejay). I really hope it didn't come off that way. I was only trying to share a bit of my experience.
Bottom line, it's not an easy situation to get through.
Chris
Thanks for the advice guys, it helps a lot.
My S/O and his family has taken me in, but its still hard. Makes me realize that maybe it is not better to have loved and lost, but to never love at all...so I wouldn't know my loss.
I think the same holds true here. It's very natural and "normal" to feel deep and long lasting sadness over loss. I submit it is better in the long run to face it, go through the experience (and that means feeling really bad for a while) and then healing begins on the other side.
Due to problems not related to JW stuff, my father has shunned my sister and I for the past 15 years. It has made us virtual orphans, since our mother died 22 years ago. For a long time we were sad, we grieved over the situation but the thing is, sometimes there are circumstances beyond our control, that will not change no matter what we do, so we have to accept what has happened, and get on with our lifes.
It's natural to feel sad over the friends and family that you have lost. But this is a consequence of what you have done, and since you can't change how they feel, you will need to accept it and find friends who will love you for you.
I know you can do it.
{{{{{jwbot}}}}}
I could never support or even look like I show support to a disgusting, immoral, sexist religion that is against everything that I stand for and know in my heart
Keep these words (above) in mind on those difficult days. I've felt the same way as you at times, but have chosen to never go back to KH, not for a second. The first couple of years was the hardest, but it gets (IMHO) easier over time. The shunning is nothing but cruel manipulation - don't let it work!!!
Those who are shunning you are NOT YOUR FRIENDS. They are brainwashed drones who have lost a really good soul (YOU) from their lives. It is hard to deal with the fact that were close one day and the next day, poof!, they're gone.
You can and WILL make real friends who choose to be with you because of WHO YOU ARE instead of because you are a pioneer, or go to all the meetings, or have the best wardrobe, etc. You have the whole world at your disposal instead of a limited number of Kingdom Hall attenders.
Pls. remember that you made a choice based on your gut feelings of right and wrong (refer to above quote). Your gut is right. You are now FREE. You'll get lots of support here, esp. when you're a 'little depressed', like now.
I'm happy that your S/O and family are supportive. Already, you are not alone. Take care, and always remember ...
F R E E D O M R U L E S!!!
tal
I have had the same situation as most of the others. I still feel a little depressed after 13 years away from the dubs. Occasionally my family will do something to make me feel guilty for staying away.
You will get through this. I have just recently started counseling to get through some of the depression, loneliness and anger that flares up sometimes. It is really helping.
My therapist told me that depression feeds on itself. And that is exactly what the dubs want. They want you the feel weak and helpless so that you will turn to them for support. Don't do it. There is help out there. And you have the support of everyone here.
Give yourself a big hug from me.
BERYLBLUE! the ONLY thing immoral is to live without true, unconditional love. Now tell us again how you are living 'immorally'? Shame on you for even thinking that you are capable of immorality!
And JWBot, everyone has already said how much they can empathize, and so can I. But things get better. And what would you go back to? Friends who would stab you in the back again if you were true to yourself and left again? The family settles down eventually, and if not, then the hurt does. But by all means--get out more! Make new friends offline! Take a class, go to the library and volunteer to read to children or older folks. DO something and get out there. It is a big wide WONDERFUL world out there and it is all on your plate now! The number one thing you can do to get any of your loved ones out of the BORG is to prove to them how happy you are out of it. Not gnashing your teeth or regretting leaving. It will be ok. Really.
Ravyn
Ravyn: Fortunately, I have a great resource in my life to use, I currently attend a great university full time, in addition to part time work, and hopefully an additional job soon to get me through college. I have been able to hang out with new friends, go to parties and clubs without a "are they watching me?" feeling. My mom and dad actually would have people spy on me! Not anymore...This year, I am more determined than ever to make more friends and build relationships all the while, becomming educated and indepenant...and I realize that no Jehovahs Witness could do the same, and that I could not achieve that if I fell back into that trap.
