The Watchtower Injures Families and Hurts Kids

by metatron 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  metatron

  I've made this point before but it bears repeating.
  The Watchtower, with its extreme standards, injures
  families and hurts kids.

  Parents have a responsibility to teach and safeguard
  their kids. Basic parental authority is legitimate
  and correct. Watchtower extremism damages and erodes
  proper parental authority. How so?

  First, because Witness children are taught that hypocrisy
  is a correct approach to life. For example, field service
  is a "vital, life-saving work". Yet, the reality is
  strolling from door to door, talking about the weather,
  taking coffee breaks, getting warm in the van, and
  above all, ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING. Much the same goes for
  meetings and those long painful conventions - endless
  repetition, mindless instruction, and no one really
  paying attention. Sex? Nope, there's TWO chapters in the
  Your Youth book on the dreaded masturbation! Sorry, but you
  can't use that thing between your legs til marriage (ten years,
  perhaps?). You may as well throw in some corruption and cover-ups
  by the elders, that's common these days - and kids may know FAR
  MORE about it than you do, believe me!

  The parents authority is bound up with being Witnesses.
  After a few years of this, Johnny says to himself
  "My parents are ****ing crazy! This is stupid!".

  and then:

  "My parents are religious fanatics and idiots! They
  don't know what love is/how to have a good time/
  how to live life".
  Now, Johnny Witness may end up worse than non-Witness
  kids simply because the extremes of Watchtower religion
  have caused him to DISGARD PARENTAL AUTHORITY to a
  greater degree THAN MANY NON-WITNESS KIDS WOULD.

  I know this happens because it happened to me!
  I NOW realize what a mistake I made following WT
  dogma - and having my kid turn out worse in many respects
  than her friends at school, who belonged to ordinary religions.
  I also know that Pentecostals and many born again types have
  MORE unwed pregnancy and moral problems than the average population,
  partly for the reason I just explained.

  Second, the guilt and extremes of Witness life cause some kids
  to give up inside - a Witness kid might reason that they're doomed
  anyway - a Pentecostal kid might say "I'm goin' to hell anyhow!"
  The same principle either way - often leading to bad results.

  I am trying hard to improve relations with my (grown) child.
  Don't make the same mistakes I did and follow Watchtower
  dogma to your family's injury. These propagandistic
  extremes preached by the Watchtower can lead to painful
  outcomes. Moderation and reasonable authority are to be
  preferred.

  metatron (Oh, for a time machine!)
• 

  hybridous

  Wow, what a great post. Count me as another one who, because of the f-ed up WT religion, went off the deep end when I got old enough to. I know exactly what you're talking about.

  I had enough of leading the overly sheltered and protected JW life. I had enough of not doing all the normal 'bad' things that normal kids did. So I did EVERYTHING...which led me to some REALLY BAD things. Overall, I can chalk it up to a lack of balance during my formative years. Somehow, I made it through my period of 'backlash'. I thank God every day that I didn't die driving hammered or die overdosed on coke.

  All you witness parents lurking out there, listen to this! Imagine the exact life you don't want your kids to lead...I led it. And I will not, for one moment, place the blame on mother. She did what she thought she had to...follow the instructions of the WT cult leaders. She allowed as much as she could, but the line was still there...that was 'them'...this was 'us'. I had/have almost no friends from school. I was determined to make up for all I missed, or thought I missed.

  You know what? I don't think that these feelings were unintentional. These freakish life rules were carefully created to 'section off' JW kids from other kids. If you're running a cult, you want your members seperated from others, somehow. I'm too worked up now...maybe I'll add more on this later.
• 

  jeffory

  Metatron.
  Ditto. I have 3 daughters, I love them dearly, If I could turn the clock back 10 years I would be a happy camper.
  My oldest daughter was baptized at 14( bad move) I should have never allowed that to take place for now my parental rights were to be removed from me and my wife just as number 1 daughter was moving into pubertyville. She was now accountable to the '''drum roll here for effect''''Judicial Committee. God the things I would change if I vcould go back in time. She was disfellowship[ped at 16 an unwed mother at 20. fINALLY i CAME TO MY SENSES I was not going to be a good ,loyal J>W> Caanitite and sacrifice my firstborn on the altar to Watchtower, She came home ,we nurtured her ,helped her get a start of an education so she could take care of herself and now she is married and reasonable happy.
  Last week she was visiting and I apologized for putting the Org. over family ,encouraged her to further her education while she is relatively young [27].
  I'am so glad for second chances in life.
  Life is still good
  jeffory
• 

  Latte

  Melatron,

  Great post!

  It's hurts long time friendships too
• 

  Mommie Dark

  what a wise person you've become, Metatron! Your family is fortunate to have you.

  My relationship with my two oldest sons has been permanently scarred by our cult life. The middle child especially has a hard time finding his place in the real world. (my grown sons are ADHD, and although of high intelligence, they are socially and emotionally still adolescents.) He has problems accepting that my parenting of his 9-yr-old brother is radically different from the cult methods I used on him. At one time I had to get really hardnosed about the older boys trying to discipline Little Dark. Ike thinks I should be spanking and whipping Little to get his attention. Ike thought HE was going to whack some respect into his brother, until I intervened! We've had several discussion, a few unfortunately at the top of our lungs, about the differences in their childhoods. Ike, quintessential middle child, is having a hard time dealing with it. He seems to feel that this proves I love Little more than I did him. Nothing I can do about this, but it's frustrating to have the cult getting between my kids in this peculiar fashion.

  Both grown sons also have no ambition, no goals, no future plans at all. I don't know how much of this is brain damage and how much is residual cult effects. My consolation is that my littlest boy, never exposed to the cult, is a good student, good citizen, and mostly happy kid, with plans already for his education and future. Is this proof that unconditional love and no spanking is a better way of parenting? Can't say that for sure, all I can say is it's worked better for us.

  I recall a similar discussion about JW kids on a mail list a few years ago. Someone likened JW kids to tightly-coiled springs... once they let go... SPROING!!! It may take some pretty big bounces for that spring to relax and settle into its final shape. That analogy sure seemed to fit.
• 

  Jang

  My relationship with my two oldest sons has been permanently scarred by our cult life.

  I have all three scarred permanently Mommie Dark - My beautiful daughter and sons may never recover from their experiences with this true believer mother just before Armageddon, determined that her children would survive with her. I think back now and have to remind myself that I was so desparate to survive so I could see my deceased children that I forwent my living ones emotional well being. My youngest was ADHD and life was so awful at the hall. I always swore I would never hit my children like I was abused as a child, but when an Elder followed my out of the hall so I could keep my son quiet he really pulled my strings and gave me his belt so I could really discipline my little 3 year old baby. I cried and cried while I hit him and I kept that up at that KH until we moved a year later. At my next cong I would just quietly slip out and let him run riot at the local park ..... it was frowned on, but at least they didn't pull my "get through Armageddon" strings and have me hitting him.

  My daughter, when she was 25, told me about the horrible nightmares she was having. She described them and I immediately recognised the Paradise book pictures ..... I showed it to her ..... This led her to going to a counsellor who then "helped" her remember how she was inducted into a Satanic Coven while she was a JW ..... that we had all been involved in it in our first congregation!!!!! All the ruminating on the power of satan was a good basis for what that counsellor was able to do so bot the eldest are now caught up in False Memories ......

  We have 3 families I know of who have been are are still involved in JW's here in Oz who have that problem.

  Yes.... that organizations influence lasts for years and breaks up families even 20 years later!!!!

  JanG
• 

  patio34

  Wow Metraton! Thanks for the wise view. I used to think "my kids are worse than the worldly kids--how can that be?" I have never been able to crystallize the rationale until right now. What an epiphany! Thanks!

  There may be a lot of individual jws whom I like and think are fine people--but I am getting a really HEALTHY hatred for the WTBS.

  I won't go into my kids now (ages 22 to 32), but most are okay, but not good compared to the standard of our culture. Would have been so much better had I not followed such a twisted cult . . .

  Like Hybridous, it gets me too worked up to think about it.

  All the posts were helpful. Great thread! And, to answer your question: YES, YES, YES, the WT does hurt families.

  Pat
• 

  patio34

  After posting the above, I was talking to my 28 yr. old daughter about it. She made the point that it's not just that jws are strict, but that the rules are SO unreasonable. 'You can't play sports, you're not going to college (back then at least), you can't go to a dance, you can't talk to worldly kids, blah, blah, blah.'

  It's the wierdness that drives them crazy.

  Pat
• 

  waiting

  Yo Pat!

  It's the wierdness that drives them crazy.

  Mine always told me that it was me. Go figure.

  Love

  Sis
• 

  waiting

  On a more serious note - my children all exited the WTBTS before my husband & I. They all have done well in life and school - along with major upheavels in their lives (called growing up and being dorks).

  The WTBTS doesn't seem to have grossly negatively impacted their lives. For that, I'm thankful. My children, in general, speak more positively of the WTBTS than I do. They appreciate growing up without drugs, too much insane drinking, good grades, and good work ethics, along with fine personalities in general.

  My sister, Pat, doesn't mention that she has good kids. They are - she's done a fine job by herself. I think that we all might have done better, but she did good. Trust me on that one.

  hey Jan

  My daughter and I read from the Paradise book also - and she had the same nightmares. Thankfully, she recognized them for what they were. When she told me about them, I wasn't upset. I was raised a Roman Catholic with my father's belt to remind me. I had similar nightmares, just different images. I just shrugged.

  I'm sorry about your daughter's experience with the therapist. I went to a jw therapist for a while - she was a True Believer in Satanic cults. Did me much harm, but I recovered. Cost a damned lot of money also.

  I think the therapist issue of whatever they call it now (stupidity?) is separate from the the jw issue of raising their kids.

  But when they overlap, the child can be hurt further, as you have shown.

  waiting