Do you ever contact those who shun you?

by Xanthippe 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Xanthippe

  Do you ever test the water and see if your relatives or friends still feel the same way? I don't have mobile phone numbers or email addresses for my family because we left a long time ago. Long before Facebook. I have landline numbers for my brother but for only one of my two sisters. Sometimes I wonder if they have the same attitude, but they have my landline of course. Just wondering what your experience has been of this?

  The problem I have is I'm sure in the past they have enjoyed shunning me and my efforts to make contact have just caused me pain. I know the most obvious answer is don't do it, what's the point. But is it possible that their cruel treatment was caused by their pain in losing us plus the cognitive dissonance they experience when someone they knew as very strong in 'the truth' leaves and they've now learned to live with those feelings? Occasionally over the years, when things are tough, like now when my cousin and theirs is dying of bowel cancer, I just think, life's too short for this nonsense. You know?

  So I'm just wondering have you got anywhere making the first move with long-time shunners?
• 

  Simon

  No fuck 'em.

  What would we talk about? Would we start hanging out or having get-togethers?

  I don't think you can pick up on a relationship after someone has stabbed you like that, especially after so much time has passed.

  Many would just see any attempt at contact as "weakening" and proof that their hard-line unchristian inhuman treatment was working. I'd rather not give them that satisfaction. I'm shunning them as much as they are shunning me. It's like the Watchmen quote: I'm not stuck in here with you, you're stuck in here with ME (but reversed).

  They should know I'll attend their funeral and tell everyone that they wasted their life in a cult.
• 

  done4good

  I decided to check in today, (didn't take quite a month :-)).

  I tried this. It does not work, and is almost guaranteed to cause extreme pain. Look at this way, there are probably a very limited number of people that you want to reach out to. The ones you think are worth it, you think that way because they mean something to you. These are the very ones that are going to hurt you the worst when they decide to shun, simply because you care enough about them. The axiom is as simple as that.

  Simon is right. You really have nothing in common with them anymore. It is sad, but it really is their loss.There is no water to test provided they still believe. The belief system itself is toxic, and will force them to passive-aggressively cause you pain. Been there, done that.
  

  d4g
  
• 

  Iown Mylife

  I had one person contact me many years after she began shunning me. (I was in good standing but had told her that we were hiring an atty to help my daughter attempt to regain custody of her daughter. Also this was long before my husband and I dis-a.)

  She emailed asking if I wanted to resume our friendship! For me the best decision was to ignore her. The friendship was ended by her at a time when my life was full of pain already. Resuming a relationship with her was unthinkable.

  Marina
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  dbq407

  A fun way is for those that haven't unfriended you on FB,instagram etc. is to wait until they post something you can counsel them on from the WT, such as violent sports, video games, concerts, clothing, or whatever it may be. They'll unfriend you real fast that way :)

  Someone had posted about their favorite football team winning so i just quoted the watchtower about shunning competitive sports.......didn't take long to get unfriended after that lol.
  
• 

  Xanthippe

  Simon and done4good (Couldn't keep away huh?😀) yeah you're right it probably would cause me pain and what would we talk about anyway.

  Thanks for your perspective Marina.

  I'm on Facebook but I doubt if they are dbq407, but thanks that sounds like fun.

  Anyone else ever done this, please?
• 

  cofty

  I tried it...

  Made no difference in the long run but it made me feel better.
• 

  ToesUp

  Heck no! Don't want them to be in my life if they don't want to be. I agree with the comment above...it's their loss! Good riddance!
• 

  OUTLAW

  Do you ever contact those who shun you?

  No fuck 'em.

  I don't think you can pick up on a relationship after someone has stabbed you like that, especially after so much time has passed......Simon

  .................

  .
• 

  Anders Andersen

  Outlaw you made me lol.

  Or maybe it was the imported American beer I just had (10%): Doubting Thomas (in my language his name really is Unbelieving Thomas).

  Posted a pic of it on my FB and said it's better than KoolAid. Hope my still-in friends can appreciate the joke :-p

  Or next week I'll post something about a JC invitation :-p