Can "Born-Into-Its" Ever Be Happy? (page 4)

obiwan

I also have to add, why they left. I left because of being df'd. There's alot of issue's that will never have any closure. That in itself is hard to deal with. There is the other issue on how much it was shoved down your throat. It was pounded relentlessly on me for years. Having an abusive upbringing to go along with it doesn't help. I have had a very difficult time overcoming this. I don't think it has anything to do with close mindedness. Sometimes the issues are so great, one must be on guard at all times not to fall into the jw mode or trap. Your relationships also affect how you cope. Do you have family to turn to? Do you have friends to associate with? If you have none fo these, and have to start all over again, it makes for a difficult journey.

Englishman

"Englishman:

You and others here seem to be totally ignorant of developmental psychology. Get off the sports page and read up on a topic before you try to develop a case." You smooth talking silver tongued devil you. Englishman.

blondie

I might adjust the question a bit:

Can Children Molested By Their Parents Ever Be Happy?

Yes, yes, yes

The same techniques that these children used can be used by children "abused" by their JW parents.

Blondie

AlanB

Oh what an interesting thread, can relate to a lot of that.

From my own experience, I was brought up as a JW from about the age of 4, left aged around 28, so I guess most of my formative years were influenced and yes of course it affects you. It was made worse by having a very biggoted and dogmatic father. I think the JW rules suited him because it gave him justification for control.

I think I have mostly got my act together and had about 8 years of learning loads of things, some painful some fascinating. I walked out of an assembly and never went back, I moved to a new town in Excile and found it liberating, I could think, do, read what I liked. I believe its a lot like people living under a totalitarian regime suddenly liberated, East Germany for example.

It went to my head a bit, I read all sorts of fascinating things from cosmology to witchcraft, became a bit of a hippy smoked loads of pot <g> made loads of new and interesting friends.

But yes, I think there is a legacy, which as I do feel more comfortable with myself are largely history. The more I become convinced that the doctrine is flawed the more I see the whole thing more in perspective. Dont think I consider myself a Christian even, I do have views on religion, however they are more eclectic and definatly my own personal views, subject to change at any time.

I do not consider myself apostate though, my father accuses me of that and I find the term as offensive as the word 'nigger' would be to an Afro-Carrabian. The term is code speak, similar to 'enemy of the people' in Soviet Russia, or 'Untermenschen' in Nazi Germany, the labeling of people. As the tern actually means 'against God' and as I have a greater personal understanding of the nature of God than I ever did then for me the term does not apply.

A

AlanB

'to stay busy trying new things and meeting new people. '

I agree, no point looking to the past, and meeting people in the world, many of them had different upbringing, Catholics for example and on the bright side I do feel that my upbringing had 'some' benefits, not that I would have chosen that path myself.

concerned mama

I am very much and outsider, so my personal knowledge is limited to observation in real life. It seems to me that someone who only half-way leaves....who remains ambivalent....sitting on the fence....will struggle with happiness. If they leave the JW community, but still hold onto many of the beliefs they will have been brought up with, no birthdays, no holidays, not comfortable with worldly people...they will become socially isolated. I would also guess that that person would be at high risk to return to the Watchtower.

I think that as so many of you have said, deprogramming/exit counselling, either done through your own research or with help is vital, and making the effort to enjoy the world and all the ordinary nice people in it.

I have found all of your comments very encouraging . I have always wondered how may "born in", who pay a big price with loss of family and friends, make a successfull transition. I am so happy for you.

Englishman

OK, here's my twopennyworth:

I think that "Born into its" often have a problem with maturing into persons who have a set of morals of their own. Seems to me that, when they leave, they often go haywire and cause great hurt to others simply because they have no idea of where to draw the line. It's only through time and experience that they are able to catch up with "normal" persons, and although they can usually achieve this, the learning process when they leave dubdom can be very painful for those who love them.

Englishman.

tinkerbell82

i think that's very well put, englishman. it very accurately describes my own experience, at any rate.

logansrun

I think that "Born into its" often have a problem with maturing into persons who have a set of morals of their own. Seems to me that, when they leave, they often go haywire and cause great hurt to others simply because they have no idea of where to draw the line.

Personally, I'm completely dysfunctional. Time for another humpty hump.

B

stillajwexelder

Well I am in my 40s and used to be an elder though not out of the org yet -- leaving gradually. Came into the truth later in life so has not been too bad for me -- I experienced the world before the truth and then experinced the truth and now experiencing the world again -- I like to think I have balance and will not have too many issues apart from leaving family in etc. It does depend on the person

Can "Born-Into-Its" Ever Be Happy?

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