I'm just so sad and I'm so angry at myself for believing and living a lie. I hurt so many people in my family by becoming a jw....why didn't I listen to my sweet grandfather when he cried and begged me not to become a jw...I truly thought it was the truth...my grandfather cried...he was so hurt....my bible study teacher told me that Satan would test me and my grandfather's pleas were my first test...he's gone now...years before I left the religion....I so wish that I could tell him that I am sorry and how very much I loved him..
I'm just so sad and now I'm mad
by KimD 17 Replies latest jw experiences
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zeb
DearKimD,
Go to his grave and tell him there whats happened and say how sorry you feel. Doing this is so very therapeutic.
I reach out to you and my heart is with you.
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DesirousOfChange
Take your anger out on the assholes that are knowingly pedaling this bullshit.
I do understand being angry at oneself. I wonder how I could have been so damn gullible. Pisses me off! But I also realize that there are those at the top that KNOW that it's a scam but continue to sell their false prophecies.
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KimD
zeb, I will certainly do that...I hope that he will hear me...I loved him so very much. Thank you my friend
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KimD
desirousOfChange...it is so hard for me to comprehend how those at the top could blatantly lie...but now I see that it is for their benefit.....so shameful.
And I too was so gullible....I believed everything without question and in the process...I caused hurt to the ones that I loved the most..I am greatful that i got out before my children got older...my son's do not remember ever going to the kh...my daughter was 10, so she does have a few scars...so very sad...she went through kindergarten through 3rd grade having to be different....so she remembers and i think that she will always carry a part of that with her. She actually wrote an article about it for a paper at the college that she attended...if I can find it, I will post it...
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john.prestor
You didn't know back then. Now you know. All that matters is how you live your life going forward. Don't beat yourself up over a past you can't change.
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JW GoneBad
Listen KimD...many of us on this forum are grandfathers. Believe us when we tell you...your grandfather forgives you...he heard you loud and clear!
All's forgiven...Now live your life away from this cult & be happy...Love, Grandpa!
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LoveUniHateExams
Hi KimD
How you feel is how you feel.
But there's no point carrying on being angry or having anger as your default setting. You've got to get out and make the most of your life.
Whatever happened in the past, you can't change it.
You can only worry about the present and the future.
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jeffdavis
Pay it forward. Tell anyone who will listen about the cult and how they destroy lives. -
Incognigo Montoya
I do not know you, or your grandfather, but I am absolutely sure he would give you a huge hug, and all would be forgotten before you ever finished telling him. Family (except jw) and true friends, forgive and forget. The older we get the more we learn from life experience and mistakes. One of the most difficult things for a parent or grandparent to do, is to watch our kids make those mistakes, when we can so clearly see them. But the thing about life experience is, we understand. We know what it's like to be young and make poor choices. So we love and forgive, happy to see you come around. Grateful that you have the rest of your life to live. Now, dont let the cult keep its grasp on you by wallowing in your sadness and anger. Go live your life, happy and free!