My husband and I told our families we want to disassociate (page 2)

nowwhat?

Trust me you are way better off just being inactive. It works for us! Please do not disassociate!. Besides you never know you might be able to plant a seed with some

erinee

Thank you everyone for your kind words. And thank you for sharing your story Tameria2001. That encouraged me a lot.

Well, why not keep being inactive? I guess I could, but I simply don't want to, simple as that. My husband and I don't want to be recognized as Jehovah's Witnesses anymore. I'm a very easily stressed and anxious person, which I think will get better if I just DA and remove it all from my life. We all have the freedom to leave religion. Granted, it's not really free in the JW world, as your family is taken away from you, but still. I want to move on and never look back. I feel that by being inactive, your family and friends will always have that hope that you'll come back. And of course I want a relationship with my family, but what kind of relationship will it be now? It's going to be awful now, anyway. Should I stay inactive just so we'll have someone to help us if we ever have to move, or our car breaks down, or need to borrow some money? I'll never depend on my family financially, I'd never want to be indebted to them, anyway. What's the point of staying in? I don't want to be around JW's or have conversations about the end coming soon or them trying to convince me of something, or them disapproving of my lifestyle. I only want normal, reasonable minded people in my life from now on. Like I said, I love my family, but now that they know the real me, I don't feel connected to them anymore or see a hope for a normal relationship.

bsmart

While I can understand your feelings; why dont only one of you disassociate (just you) and your husband fade. Then family who really do want to keep a relationship will have a reason to come over etc. Depends how he feels of course.

dubstepped

I feel you on the urge to disassociate. My wife and I did. It's the best decision we've made. No more anxiety, it's over. Why continue to sell yourself out? Go be you, do what you want, believe as you see fit in freedom, and stop supporting the organization by taking a stand. What your family is asking for isn't compromise as much as it's enabling. In the end, many spend much time and effort playing JW games to try to keep people that won't do anything for them. It's often JW codependency at work.

Whatever you decide, this is your chance to make a decision that suits you. Nobody here, your family, none of us have to live your life. Only you.

DesirousOfChange

I only want normal, reasonable minded people in my life from now on.

Keep dreaming! NO ONE HAS THAT!

If it's not your wacky JW family, it will be some wacky workmates or neighbors, etc.

Good luck with whatever you do!

Just keep in mind that you can wait to DA and think about it further and change your mind.

You CANNOT take the position of DAing now and ever go back (with out months or years of eating shit).

Incognito

Welcome to the forum.

ALL our family said they would shun us for the rest of their life, no matter what. Even if we have kids in the future ...
... they want us to just be inactive so they can keep talking to us.

They wish to blame you for their actions instead of accepting responsibility for their own choices.

No one is holding a gun to their heads to force them to shun you, but they gladly comply with the dictates of a cult run by men. For a group that claims to be bible based, the most loving and the chosen people of the 'god of love', it does not take much for them to ignore Jesus examples. They quickly discard family relationships if they are told by men that they 'may be' (not assured) rewarded for doing so.

We haven't done our research.

They have not done their research, but they are only reaffirming their belief that the cult they are members of, could never do such things. As they are too afraid to research for themselves, they accuse any one that states info that is negative or contrary cult teachings, to have fallen for false stories and half truths that have no basis in fact.

I recall a scripture that states to keep making sure of all things and hold onto that which is fine (proven), but JWs commonly ignore that scripture.

While your families accuse you of breaking your vows, were any of them members of other religions before becoming JWs? If so, did they not break their vows to God?

While there is no one course of action that is suitable for everyone, most PIMO and inactive (ex-)JWs remain such to maintain relationships with their families who may not know their true status. As your opinions are now known to your families, there should be no fear that your families will learn of your life choices so that may lessen your fear (looking over your shoulder) in just remaining inactive.

nowwhat?

Correct if you have regrets later because you miss your family you have to go to every meeting for a year and get dirty looks from everyone

laverite

The whole breaking your marriage vows, becoming gay (HAHAHAHA OMG like it's possible to switch your sexual orientation), and becoming swingers just made me laugh. I read it a few times. That's exactly the way they think. It's all so muddled and messed up. I can so relate to that, as a born-in who DA'd in my early 20s almost 30 years ago (!!!).

I didn't want my name associated with the Watchtower Corp in ANY way. I wanted to be officially out of there. I didn't want them to have any power over me, so I DA'd. ***BUT**** Years later, in some ways, I look back and think "Why did I play by their rules? Why didn't I just say EFF it and walk out and ignore them?" So I have mixed feelings about having DA'd ONLY because their rules about DF and DA are so ridiculous in every way and I hate the idea that I played along with those rules.

I am so thankful for my life outside the Watchtower. So so so so grateful in every way. I've had 30 years to reflect on that. Even with the shunning etc. I would leave all over again. I just wish I could have mentally checked out before becoming an adult.

cyberjesus

I was PoMi for 15 years. We didn't have a lot of communication but we talked and we had family gatherings. Then one day I realized it was all a lie and told all of them. they stopped all communication.

People on the forum told me to wait and not take any rush actions. And I ignored them all. Sent a letter to all my family members.

What is shunning me is not them, but their cult personality. But now there is no way I could help any of them wake up.

Both way suck. You need to pick which sucky option you like best.

DesirousOfChange

No one is holding a gun to their heads to force them to shun you,

That is not a true statement!

The Borganization is indeed holding a gun to their heads and threatening them with "spiritual" death if they disobey GOD (Guardians of Doctrine).

My husband and I told our families we want to disassociate

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