by ESTEE 44 Replies latest social family
Estee: I am so sorry what is sad is that she doesn't realize this is the "something" in life you can't red-do you know. I can't imagine your pain. Just remember it is the dubs and their F******* rules not her dictating her actions.
BillyGoat: I am so sorry
((((((((((((((((((ESTEE)))))))))))))))
I am so sorry.
FreeFallin
Estee, I'm so sorry that your daughter has done this to you. I still remember your hopeful excitement when you learned that she would be fairly close to your new job. I had hoped that perhaps she might be a mature enough person to realize the important things in life. It seems that she needs more time to grow up, however.
You've gotten some good suggestions about sending a gift certificate and a card. Don't let her foolishness keep YOU from expressing your love for her. Her actions in this are making her the loser, even though you are hurting because of them.
You are a good person, Estee. ****HUGS****
cruzanheart wrote:
However badly she is behaving, she IS your daughter and somewhere down the road she may need her mama again, and you will have graciously left the door open for her. ~~ Nina
I realize that it is the religion that is dictating to her how to respond to me….she is on autopilot. I’ll be there when she has a wakeup call.
ScoobySnax wrote:
I wish Estee much love
Not to worry, scoob….I knew in what spirit you meant it…. and this is how I took it. (((Hugs)))
simplesally wrote:
Remember the KH is a public place
Ahhhh...I see you're not so simple, sal.......Yes, I’ve thought about that possibility. Not sure if I would at this point….I’m giving myself time to make a decision on that …
Scully wrote:
You have done everything in your power to show your daughter unconditional motherly love, and yet she continues to shun and reject you.
Unfortunately, it seems she is very resistant to growth and independent thought at this point. Try to remember it is not a reflection on you, but a reflection of how controlled she is, and her unwillingness to see your love for the pure and genuine gift that it is.
My room mate seems to think that the “marriage” will speed up the learning process for her...heheheh! Some day she will realize she is missing out on a special relationship with me. It is possible that her fear is preventing her from growth…it keeps her paralyzed in dumbdom.
oldcrowwoman wrote:
My thoughts are with you and to acknowledge how deeply the pain is indescribable losing a connection with a child and to follow their lifes path.
Yes, the pain is indescribable agony. I phoned work this morning to say I was taking a mental health day. My boss is awesome…he understood my grief and is supportive through this rough time. I soooo appreciate my boss right now!!!
I wished I had a magic wand to dispel and relieve the pain. What I can do is offer you a rocking chair and a of tea to comfort you and I sit quietly in the room with you. To allow 's to wash your soul.
Wow Kathi…..You are awesome!!! I would be pleased to sit in your rocking chair and enjoy a cup of tea with you. Blessings to you.
To let you know as a Mother myself. I was not invited to attend my daughters wedding. It was a very difficult time. So what I did to take care of myself was treat myself a week-end away and spend the time on Lake Superior. For being near water is a comfort for me.
I really love how you dealt with your pain and took care of yourself, darlin’….and that is the key….take care of myself. Heather must deal with her pain of her "mom issues" in her own way.
I support you in taking care of yourself surrounding this time. In what ever way it fits for you.
Thanks soooo much for your support. This means sooooo much to me right now….to know you are available. I feel like I need therapy right now….to look at the stuff I’m perhaps not seeing clearly, or that is clouded by so much emotion...............You have mail!
Xena wrote:
Hey beautiful rose lady, …. Just wanted you to know I was here and thinking about you.
Thanks Xena…I appreciate your kind thoughts.
talesin wrote:
This shunning is so hurtful, the pain can be physical. We have no choice but to survive it as best we can. I'm not a mom, but a daughter, so have dealt with it on the other end. It's good that you are reaching out to others who understand. Set your radar on 'receive' for all the good intent that is coming your way. If there is anything I can do (listen, share, whatever) please pm me. Gosh, I'm sorry.
Double Edge wrote:
I wonder if she's going to invite some 'worldly' friends/family? hmmmm, if so, what in the world would she say when they ask where you are? I hope she's honest with them, because if she is, she's never going to be looked at in the same way again by those 'worldlies'.
Her worldly alcoholic dad is going to be there….the man who cheated on me and now has liver failure and Hepatitis-C…..he’s better than me, you know..…’cuz he never left the dubs….he never was in…..
breal wrote:
Or just a quiet moment spent thinking of her on that special day!
Yeah…I think it will probably be the quiet moment….anything else would be too intrusive or too demonizedTM…..
Prisca wrote:
I hope that all the love and empathy that everyone shows to you here will give you the strength to get through this difficult situation…..Like talesin, I am the daughter that is being shunned, and on top of that I have no mother anymore - she died
Thanks, Prisca…I’m sorry to hear you are shunned. Shunning is a PunishmentTM that is waaaaaay beyond whatever perceived crimeTM committed….I just know. I too, lost my mom four years ago….two weeks later I was disfellowshipped. Those elders just know how to make it sting, don’t they…part of my DisciplineTM…..huh…
RAYZORBLADE wrote:
(((Estee))) - I just got in from hanging out with Jesse who is visiting me here in Toronto. I was just reading to him, your post. His first response was: 'Oh no'.
Hey Rayzor….Jesse went a looooong way to meet me, huh? And via the forum…??? He coulda just met me at Robson Square!!!!I'm just glad he is there with you Rayzor....(((Hugs to you both)))
I have no suggestions or ideas. I just wish I was there in Vancouver to simply be with you.
Awwwww…thanks Rayzorblade…..I look forward to meeting you, too….whenever that happens. I think you are one awesome human being!!!
Incidentally, I mailed off something to you yesterday. You'll receive it, hopefully by the end of the week.
A treat…???....for meeeeee???? Oh boy-oh-boy-oh-boy!!! <jumping up and down>
Funny how being here on this forum has created a vast and rather extensive network of 'Chosen Family' - one that I love and cherish on a daily basis.
Isn’t that soooo true! Chosen family….for sure! I now have an extra brother named Ray and a sister named BReal…and Prisca seems to have adopted me recently as well….
Any other takers??????
Lots of hugs, love and moral support from yer l'il bro', east of Manitoba.
(((((((((((((((I accept!!!!)))))))))))))) from yer li’l sis, west of Manitoba!!!!
happyout wrote:
you raised your precious girl, and will know the best thing for the both of you.
Yes, I did raise her as a dub….and now I’m beating up on myself for doing it. I keep reminding myself why I did it. It was the only way I knew how to keep her from going the way of her dad…an alcoholic….I wanted something better for her.
Candlestick02 wrote:
I know all too well about how painful it is to be in a torn mother-daughter relationship. ….. how I wished I had a mom like you who would just accept me for me. ….Crying with you,
Awwww….((((Candlestick))))) You could be my “other daughter”….after BReal!!! I already love you! I’m sorry to hear how the shunning has affected you, hon. I would not wish that vicious practice on anyone!!! To think the dubs feel it is LovingTM is appalling…
Billygoat wrote:
It is sooo disappointing to be treated as the forgotten crazy relative. ~~ Andi
(((((Hugs))))) billygoat…I’m so sorry that you have been treated badly by your relatives. It is a PunishmentTM that no way fits the perceived/imagined CrimeTM…
SheilaM wrote:
Estee: I am so sorry what is sad is that she doesn't realize this is the "something" in life you can't red-do you know. I can't imagine your pain. Just remember it is the dubs and their F******* rules not her dictating her actions.
Yes, I certainly realize that she is not running on her own power at this time…she is living some delusion that the dubs are going to give her happiness. She does not see that she is brainwashed. I weep for her....
FreeFallin wrote:
((((((((((((((((((ESTEE))))))))))))))) I am so sorry.
Thanks for your love and support, hon...
RedhorseWoman wrote:
I had hoped that perhaps she might be a mature enough person to realize the important things in life. It seems that she needs more time to grow up, however.
((((Hugs))))) thanks, Redhorse Woman…Check your PM.
I’d sure love to thank everyone for their hugs, love and moral support. You are a lifeline to me right now…this is very painful stuff to go through alone. I’m thinking how it must have been for my mom years ago, without the internet, and in a small town where she would go downtown and feel/experience someone shunning her every day, including meeee….how paaaainful….She ended up going back, after years of groveling at the elders’ feet for mercy…..
Well...I won’t be going back! I have support here on the forum…and support from friends here in Vancouver. I get hugs any time I need them! I’ll be okay!!!....More than that, even….I’ll be GREAT!!!! In fact, even more than THAT!!!.....I AM GREAT!!!!! .... And I give myself permission to grieve….
ESTEE
((((((((((Estee))))))))))
My thoughts, love and support are with you.
Love ya,
Robyn
estee,
your thread really touched me as I had a (formerly) close family member shun me yesterday. It hurt a lot, no details needed. I started thinking of how we could exchange some positive energy.
I went out for a walk about an hour ago (430 a.m. here) and looked up at the beautiful half-moon and realized you, too, might be looking at that same moon. Wow, the energy just zoomed - east to west coast, in a flash! I hope you received.
Anytime you want, just look out at the moon or the stars, and you can be reminded that I am at your side, sharing your pain, sending you some of my strength.
Hugs,
talesin
Estee,
My ex-wife, a JW did the same thing to her father when we got married. But she took it one step further. She invited him to the wedding but didn't let him walk him down the isle (he was DF'd and divorced from her mother). Instead, her brother did it - and he was worldly! Not to mention he was a drug user and an adulterer (he was cheating on his wife at the time). Ironically, she wouldn't let me have my best friend participate as a best-man because he wasn't baptized?!
Though it may hurt, it's necessary to let family members discover the error in their logic in due time. In the case of my ex, she hasn't figured it out yet. Her father died a few years ago, now she's fighting with her step-family for the money he left behind.
(((((((ESTEE)))))))) I share your pain, cherie....there's nothing worse than being shut out of the hallmarks in your kids' lives......hope you figure out a successful way to show your love to her in the face of this...
Frannie B
((((((((Estee)))))))))
i'm sorry. that just sucks. how anyone could treat their flesh and blood that way is just beyond me.
Wow!!! More responses to my thread! How wonderful!!!
Robdar wrote:
((((((((((Estee)))))))))) My thoughts, love and support are with you.
Love you too, ((((Robyn )))) Thanks hon!
talesin wrote:
your thread really touched me as I had a (formerly) close family member shun me yesterday. It hurt a lot, no details needed. I started thinking of how we could exchange some positive energy. I went out for a walk about an hour ago (430 a.m. here) and looked up at the beautiful half-moon and realized you, too, might be looking at that same moon. Wow, the energy just zoomed - east to west coast, in a flash! I hope you received. Anytime you want, just look out at the moon or the stars, and you can be reminded that I am at your side, sharing your pain, sending you some of my strength,Hugs,
hmmmm...that's 1:30 a.m. on the west coast. I was sleeping soundly....((((Hugs))))) to you, too, talesin...what a lovely sentiment about the moon. I love how you think...very positive and encouraging! I accept your positive energy of healing and strength...thanks!!!
Latin assassin from Manhattan wrote:
My ex-wife, a JW did the same thing to her father when we got married. ........ In the case of my ex, she hasn't figured it out yet. Her father died a few years ago, now she's fighting with her step-family for the money he left behind.
Frannie Banannie wrote:
cherie....there's nothing worse than being shut out of the hallmarks in your kids' lives......hope you figure out a successful way to show your love to her in the face of this...
riz wrote:
how anyone could treat their flesh and blood that way is just beyond me.
Thanks for your support, hon...I really appreciate it right now!
I'm sure a lot has been said about shunning via books, internet, etc. It is inconceivable to me that in this modern enlightened day and age, that shunning is still practised. I'm sure that a lot of people out there do not realize that this behaviour is alive and well in dubdumb...
Thanks again for all your loving support.!!! If only you knew how much you all mean to me!!!
(((((Love you all!!!)))))
ESTEE
