Welcome 1799,
How brave you are to be able to come to this site to tell your story. As someone said, it helps you and others to tell your story. Many think it's them...am I the only one that see it....Thank goodness for sites like these...
You must have seen and experienced a lot being an elder a lot of behind the scenes stuff...I am happy you know ttatt. You are right to be sure your wife's health is more stable because depending on her love for the org. how she will receive your decision. I mentioned how much she loves the org. I think many get it confused...the bottom line does she love God more than the org.
I hope you are not upset with yourself for the time you were an active witness and elder, do you know along the way, even if you spoke to a person and they didn't accept the doctrine, who knows you may have changed their life just a little...you may have spoken to someone who was on drugs, or whatever, you don't know what effect you may have had on someone down the line of your service...you may have even brought a smile to someone's face one day....don't discount your service...if you did it for the org....then I see how you feel disappointed, because you can never please man, just slip once & they hold it against you. If you still believe in God, not the God the org. portrays the God of the Bible and his son Jesus...this scripture comes to mind: 1 Cor. 4:5: Therefore, do not judge anything before the due time, until the Lord comes. He will bring the secret things of darkness to light and make known the intentions of the hearts, and then each one will receive his praise from God. I want to point out, the intentions of heart...and Heb. 4:12: For the word of God is alive and exerts power.....last verse, and is able to discern thoughts and intentions of the heart. ....
1799, your intentions when you believed, was purely innocent, you didn't want to mislead anyone, you just wanted to show ones a different life, then the ones they lived. Some took the bait and some didn't. Know this, God knows you meant well. God is nothing like man. With God, even if we intend to do something with the right motive, and you miss the mark, he knew you had good intentions...this is proven by the book of Psalms...We know that David was a man after God's heart...we also know David was a bad boy, but God saw his heart...now if David was judged by man, even though he won all the wars and conquered many nations for man...but because he committed adultery and murder, today if man judged him we would not be reading Psalms today, If a monument was erected of David, man would have knocked it down, But because God saw Davids' heart and intentions...that's why today we are still reading Psalms....why, because God doesn't judge like man...he sees the heart....now I know I've gone on and on...I'm just saying this if you still believe in God....
I think many put too much worship and allegiance to the org. more than God, because when the org. does something or has mislead, folks fall away from God...& how many times have we read, man cannot direct their own steps...I guess for some the org. is the Mom they never knew....the org. shows a certain type of conditional love and if you never experienced love ....conditional love is better than no love at all.
Take care of your wife and family. Show them love and support. They won't expect that because most witness think if you leave you'll go rogue, but what they don't get is that you really learn to love if you don't love the way the org. teaches...
Enjoy this journey....don't let the org. turn you away from God...but if you don't believe in God, that is your choice..this site welcomes all..
Tor