Hey Craig,
Ya know, it was a lifetime of questioning, and even resentment towards the organization that led to that day self awareness, in the field. Being a Jehovah's Witness, just wasn't 'me'. Although I was raised a JW and left (for a couple of years) and then returned to really give it my all, in the end, I was just too independent of a spirit to be continually told what to do, what to say, what to believe, how to act, etc., to be able to continue on as a JW. What I guess I mean to say here is, that it was 'easier' for me to leave than to stay because of my personal make up. Its really not something I can take credit for. Wasn't really that much of a struggle. I have more much respect for those who agonize over their decsion to leave and then act on it (perhaps like you).
I do remember the night I finally decided that I could no longer be a JW. I was at the K. Hall, sitting there next to my then wife during the meeting, and I just felt this feeling like I didn't belong. Kinda Twilight Zone-ish of a feeling. I got up, went to the bathroom, splashed some water on my face. I looked up into the mirror and said these words back to myself, " I don't belong here. This is not who I am. I'm going home right now, and I'm never coming back.". I walked over to my wife and told her I would see her at home. I left right then and I never set foot in another K. Hall. I was finished with it, all of it. The ride got a little bumpy from there (as you might imagine), but to continue to be a JW at that point wasn't even an option. I just went with. Since then, I've learned to listen to my 'gut' more willingly. It has saved me, many many times . . .
Steve