For those who are newly out, and especially for those raised in it, they have a huge task in dealing with all the effects of the abuse. They have little or no "self" to build on from a pre-existing self. Many need to start from scratch and discover things about themselves and learn about how to make good decisions versus being told what to do or asking an elder. This is a huge task.
I used to tell people recovery is like a jigsaw puzzle that you have to put together. Someone hands you a bag with all the pieces but dumps it on the floor and then takes away the box. So you have to start putting your puzzle together. You don't know what the picture is. From the pieces you see or turn over you may see blue that could be sky but it could be water. You may see green but it could be grass or trees. You may see brown that could be a house or a tree.
Slowly you sort out all the pieces. You separate the browns and the blues and the greens. You find all the edge pieces and slowly begin to build your frame. You begin to see there is water and sky and there is grass and tress so you separate your pieces even more. As you fill in the pieces, you find some fit and later realize a different piece goes in that place so you re-arrange your pieces until your picture begins to take form and come into view. You begin to realize the brown is actually part of a horse and cart.
Each person's picture is unique to themselves. There may be similarities but the particular image that belongs to the individual is as different as we are.
I find it fascinating to watch people put their puzzles together. There are always delightful surprises, talents undiscovered and wisdom learned along the way
Bravo to all of you who are working on your puzzles.