by pale.emperor 42 Replies latest jw experiences
It is fitting that this has been compared to experiencing the death of a friend.
Familiarize yourself with the stages of grief; you should give yourself permission to spend some time with each stage. Your anger may be great; direct it in an appropriate way.
I also felt sad at first. It seemed like a waste of time and energy. I felt a little lost like what do I believe now type thing. Now I'm able to look back and be grateful for some of the things I learned like showing love and kindness to all.
I've adopted some of the Buddhist principals like do no harm etc. I'm still a little bummed I'm not gonna live forever and sometimes wish I could un-learn ttatt when it comes to that but I can enjoy my life now. It gets better hang in there.
Of course you don't have outside friends. The organization engineers your life to exclude all others so you don't leave.
Using rewards and punishments, efforts are made to establish considerable control over a person's social environment, time, and sources of social support. Social isolation is promoted. Contact with family and friends is abridged, as is contact with persons who do not share group-approved attitudes. Economic and other dependence on the group is fostered. (In the forerunner to coercive persuasion, brainwashing, this was rather easy to achieve through simple imprisonment.) source
You can rebuild a life worth living, a truer one at that.
Pale.emperor,
I feel ya bro, we all have been there. You are smart getting advice here online. I see much good advice I sure wish I would have received when I started to wake up. I am sure I did and ignored much of it. I tried to convince my wife the JW's were wrong, and all my family. You are already showing much wisdom by not doing that.
The real test will be your relationship with your wife. My wife and I were the best of friends married 21 years. It's a long story, I'll try to keep it short. When I came out and told them I was blogging online and I didn't believe it anymore, my family cut me out of the corporation, stopped my company draws and my wife left me. I was then disfellowshipped and on my own. After a year of loneliness and heartache, I went back and got reinstated. My wife came back to me. This did not last long however and after another year, she left me again because I use medical cannabis and I stopped going to the meetings. Our divorce was final last September and that notice came on September 5th, our wedding anniversary... 21 years over. You cannot imagine the anger I felt inside my soul. I was robed of everything.
You still have your wife, it is up to you. I miss my wife so much, at times I wish I would have just put up with it and kept my sweetheart, and she was a real sweetheart, a beautiful woman I miss everyday. I have tears right now just typing this. You think you have pain now? Believe me, it can get worse and its all up to you.
It is all a matter of growth and enlightenment. No pain, no gain. There are good times as well as bad. You sound like a smart guy, I bet you will do better than I did.
I think the best thing to do right now is be a loving husband. You don't need to tell her your reasons unless she asks and then you better think twice. Just love her and do not isolate yourself from her. I started blogging and debating on forums like this one. She knew what I was doing and it hurt her. I should have been walking with her on the beach, taking her out and spending more quality time with her. I was so angry for my family selling me out financially I couldn't see straight. I started the toy business that made them rich. I still have huge resentments I deal with on a daily basis.
Count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have right now because you can loose it like many of us have. I even went to other churches when I first discovered TTATT. Can you imagine how my wife must have felt? She tried her best, she was alway loving, perfect in every way. You don't know what you have until you loose it bro. It can happen and who knows, in my case, it probably needed to happen. I have done nothing but learn more and more. I went through the atheist debate right off. I am convinced there is a spiritual world and I do not need to explain why. Seek and ye shall find. The truth will set you free but with wisdom one increases pain. Ignorance is BLISS.
I believe your going to do alright! Make the BEST of your journey and don't let anyone get you down, cause no harm to anyone because it will come back to you. Just be nice, not easy when your around a bunch of blind judgmental hypocrites who are sleep walking...
You are the one with the truth now and you can win her without a word if you can keep your mouth shut, I couldn't so I am passing this info on.
Good luck my friend and happy trails to you! Don't worry, be happy... work on that :)
Greybeard....well said. Great wisdom.
Thanks for all your kind words friends. I feel a little better today. I downloaded and printed the UN letter and im creating a file in work (away from "concerned" members of the org). It's funny, 90% of the evidence is from their own mags, former "spirit guided" members and the bible itself. I dont feel as afraid as before.
If elders come to me im going to refuse a discussion "i dont talk about religion". They cant get me for that (i downloaded and read Shepherd The Flock Of God and know their rules).
I'll keep you all updated.
Thanks again.
Accepting the TATT often comes in stages.
Disbelief.
Anger.
Sadness.
Anger.
Acceptance.
Anger.
Vidiot....add one more anger.
Once you realize being angry is only making you miserable you move on to a more productive state of mind. I choose to expose them for what they are and drop seeds of doubt when i'm around those still in. They're so many victims trapped in this cult, so any crumbs i can leave that will help them think thing out is paramount to a successful exit.
Yup.
The TATT will set you free, but first, it'll piss you off.
PALE EMPEROR- As many have said here- you are experiencing normal emotions and going through the normal grieving process as many do when leaving this high control organization. It's NOT our fault that the WT Society lied to us and millions of other people. WE are NOT unethical for leaving the Witnesses - WT leaders ARE unethical for lying to us and for covering up child abuse in the organization and letting thousands of people die within their organization due to insisting they follow orders of " no blood transfusions " to save lives. WE don't have blood on our hands - WT Society leaders DO.
That being said it's a really good idea that you downloaded a copy of the latest elders manual. Many people here have done that as well in order to be informed of the twisted and ever changing " rules " that the WT leaders insist the elders play by. It's a good thing to stay informed and one step ahead of them.
You are doing well. Hang in there and just show human love and compassion to your wife - she's under the influence of mind control so she's not as awake as you are to the subversive undercurrent within the WT Society- YET. Don't get in any debates or arguments with her as it just might put up a brick wall even more. There are some great books on how to deal with our cult mind controlled relatives written by Steve Hassan that I highly recommend you read if at all possible. His website is : www.freedomofmind.com. Titles of his books are : Combatting Cult Mind Control. 2. Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves. and 3. Freedom of Mind- Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and beliefs. These books were an incredible help to me after exiting the Witnesses in understanding the tactics that high control organization leaders use to manipulate members inside the organizations. If you get a chance to read them- please do. It will help you understand what happened to you- and it will assist you to understand how your wife is still being manipulated. And how you can carefully assist her in possibly waking up !
I wish you the best man. Just realize and know that we are all here for you buddy. Lots of us have been through this and are here to offer our support. Lots of good people here on this board. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. I offer my friendship to you as others have. Hang in there- Peace out, Mr. Flipper
