Just in! Opinion of the court:
"Most of the time I'm proud of my work as a judge. I work tirelessly each day to deliver just and legally rulings. This case, although straightforward, took the court an extended amount of time to rule upon. All documents had to be reviewed and all evidence considered. And herein caused the delay, as I found it difficult to get through more than two paragraphs at a time without vomiting uncontrollably. I think it's fair to say that I had more control over my fits of projectile heaving than Mr. Evans had over his penis."
Ouch.