Model Jw family?

MrTheocratic

I would like to get the opinion of those on this community. Does serving as an Elder make one a bad family man. With all the demands placed on those serving... how can one make time for family life? And especially if this person works full time. I suspect that a lot of these model families that are placed on pedestals ( pioneer mother, kids sitting quietly and attentively at mtg., elder dad) are all phony.

Now I could be wrong.... but I don't think so. As you think about the so called model families in your time with the Jw's , or maybe that was your family, .........was it for real or was it all for others to see?

OneEyedJoe

Serving as an elder definitely made my father a much worse father. It got so bad that he actually stepped down for a few years because he didn't want to miss his kid's childhood.

DesirousOfChange

Often elders & their wives are more concerned about "appearance" than about reality. As long as the kids "appear" to be spiritual, that's OK as then Elder Dad and wife LOOK GOOD to the CO and all the sheeple.

Problem is that kids soon learn what hypocrisy is all about. If they think "appearance" is all that matter, then they'll conclude that they can break any of the rules, as long as it still "appears" they are "good". Thus, sometimes Elder's kids are the "worst".

Doc

Divergent

Being an elder gave my father a superiority complex & made him an unpleasant person who was extremely hard to deal with!

When I was growing up, I needed not just a father - I needed him to be a friend who I could talk to, someone whom I could confide in without judging me. My elder father failed miserably to be that kind of friend. He was judgemental, always wanting to lecture & judge instead of listening, quick to criticize & slow to praise. As a result, I couldn't get along with him, we clashed often, & our relationship was strained. I didn't care about his being absent from the house often - I was happier whenever he was away!

Wild_Thing

I can guarantee you that our "model family" ... elder father, pioneer mother ... was completely phony. Maybe they are not all that way, but mine definitely was.

In order to be an elder, I think you have to be willing to sell a piece of your soul. Becoming an elder changes a person. When they announced at the Kingdom Hall that they appointed my brother in law an elder, everybody else clapped and congratulated him, and I sat there and cried. I really liked him.

Wasanelder Once

The self righteous PO (back then) did all the parts on "family study" etc. His late teenage son was ordering porn at a disabled brother's house and smoking weed as he was bedridden. The mother was cheating on the husband. Ended up divorced and the son was DF'd. He was probably the smartest of the lot. The oldest son's wife cheated on him when he was all growed up and an elder too. lol. Everyone worshiped these people as the ideal. Sad really. I knew they were full of crap and thus was very unpopular with them.

Cangie

My family was considered a "model family." In reality, there was a lot of dysfunction in our home---my elder father had a problem giving up smoking and occasionally "slipped", he was a functional alcoholic, he had no ability to connect emotionally to his children. My mother was angry, abused her children, and she misused prescription anti-anxiety pills that she did NOT get from a doctor. So, our home life was totally unlike what we presented in public, the congregation and when being used for parts on the assembly/convention programs.

But looking good was all that mattered to my parents and what people thought of them---and their children--- was the most important thing. I felt more like a performing pet and less like an appreciated and loved child. I couldn't wait to get out of their house, so at 19, I married the MS who most closely matched their attitude and behavior, thereby repeating their pattern of living in a crazy house and having to hide how bad it really was.

LostGeneration

I didn't like the person I was becoming when I was made an elder. The pressure of it all, the lack of time for myself and my family. I think if an elder makes it past the first few years, they and the family just start to accept it as "the way it is" and deal with it however they have to, meaning there could be a lot of double life stuff going on.

I was out within two years of being made an elder, it literally woke me the fuck up.

Mickey mouse

Going to the meeting was like a comic strip in our "model family". All the way there we would be arguing then we'd step out the car and be all smiles and "hi, how are you?" 😇 After the meeting we'd get back in the car and continue the argument exactly where we left off. 😈

James Mixon

LostGeneration: same here "didn't like the person I was becoming when I was made elder".

What do you tell a sister with a unbelieving mate when she ask, "can I talk to my daughter who

is df". I was 31 years old, this sister and her husband were in their 50's and it was her only daughter.

Model Jw family?

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