Intro

by hillfy333 17 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  hillfy333

  Hi, although i signed up two years ago, and filled out the "interview with an apostate" as Hillfy54321, i have since only read various posts. Then purchased a new computer and lost my password, thus no new posts. I have since reapplied, and now go under the handle of hillfy 333.

  A little about myself. I'm 62 years of age, born in to the delusion. I'm not disfellowshipped, or disassociated. Both my parents, and my sister died in the delusion. At about the time my sister passed, in 2008, i began to seriously doubt my faith.

  I began to search on line about the JW religion. At first what i found shocked me, especially about their UN association for ten years. However after the initial negative reaction, i decided to go for it and search further. I discovered "Crisis of Conscience", and oh what an eye opener that was. I can still remember me devouring the book, then periodically racing out to my wife in another room, and angrily telling her about the facts i was finding.

  At this point in our lives, we had ceased going out in field service, and only attended some meetings. We had also given up on going to the circuit assemblies, but still attending the district conventions, as they were called then.

  Ray's book had a huge impact on my life, much greater for me than for my wife. Although not overly enthusiastic about the org, she still defended them when i highlighted their failed prophecies, and all their misdeeds. But for me it was full steam ahead. The next book i purchased was " Apocalypse Delayed", by James Penton. I followed this up with "The Four Presidents of The Watchtower", then Ray's second book "In search of Christian Freedom".

  I now felt well supplied with factual evidence against the Watchtower, and i knew i no longer wanted to be a Watchtower slave. So no more meetings, no more token field service, no more identifying myself as a witness. Sadly my wife still wanted some contact with her family, so her progress out of the org was stifled, leaving me feeling a little lost as my friends began to shun me, even though technically i was still a JW.

  As the years began to tick by, my resolve against the Watchtower grew, whilst my wife remained stagnant. She did not appreciate my rants against the org, however she loved me enough to not rat me out to the elders. Strangely enough the most loving people on the planet were dragging their feet when it came to shepherding us back to the flock. Though my wife and i had been in our then congregation from the time of our marriage, some 16 years, only halfhearted efforts were employed to get us up and running again.
  

  To be continued.....
  
• 

  Je.suis.oisif

  Hi hillfy333,

  Pull up a chair, grab a cuppa and chill. Lovely to hear from you. Your amongst friends.
• 

  lurkernomore

  Thanks for that bit of background information. It's amazing how people who've called themselves your 'brothers' just don't bother once you've made the choice to no longer attend meetings.

  We've been out 18 months now. There was no call from the elders for last year's memorial and I'm sceptical as to whether they'll bother this year.

  I'm really glad to made the choice to cut off and enjoy your life, hopefully your wife will follow soon.
• 

  Sabin

  Hello Hillfy, it is so incredibly nice to meet you. Look forward to hearing more.
• 

  hillfy333

  lurkernomore

  Yes in fact if the elders had shown some interest in the early days, i think my indoctrination would have kicked in and rejected apostate thinking. Thankfully they failed in their christian duty, and i allowed myself critical thinking.

  There has been some improvement in regards to my wife, she has not been to a meeting in eight months, and she doesn't cringe as much when i bring up negative thoughts against the org. Still a work in progress.

  Thanks all for your kind responses.
  
• 

  millie210

  Hi hilfy,

  Your much more well read in your exit than I am but your story really resonates with me. A born in finding their way out finally.

  Circumstances within the Org are actually conspiring with you to help your wife feel able to leave.

  There is an apathy and disorganized feel within that is helping its members become more feeble and detached.

  Really good to meet you!
• 

  Skedaddle

  Hi Hillfy333,

  I am very interested in what you write as I'm currently in the same position with my mother, who is just a little older than yourself. We've exposed ''the truth'' and recommended the same books for her to read in private but she's resigned to staying ''even if it is a load of crap'' because to think otherwise would mean to give up the idea that she will see her baby, my sister who died, in paradise. How ironic that she can live with the thought that I will die at Armageddon and my other sister who is out and we'll not be there. She says she is pioneering and doing everything she can in order to hopefully have mercy from Jehovah on my sister and my life, like it shows in the bible Jehovah has done before (hufffff!). We're all living a life of torment - even if we leave, our loved ones are still in which affects our lives immensely. I'm sorry that you're in a similar position with your wife. All those years wasted. So, it's time for my sister and I to change tact. If my mother won't get out, then we have to try all we can to bring the ''house'' down. And as Millie210 said, the org. is doing it for us anyway but I for one will be here waiting to see how I can stick my boot in, on it's way down. So, hang in there as we might see the whole thing go up in the not too distant future. Thank goodness you have got out and can now enjoy your life! Well done you!

  Good luck and lots of love.

  Skedaddle
• 

  MarkofCane

  Welcome Hillfly

  Same here, when I first learned ttatt I tried to share it with my wife, she pushed back hard, so now I share small increments at a time. I'm more skeptical by nature my wife more loyal.
  

  We have been contacted many times by elders and people from the Hall, we live pretty close to the KH and they drop in to say hi when out in service. At first it was ok, but now it's irritating, we just don't answer the door which is irritating in itself.

  Thanks for taking the time to share your story
  
• 

  Magnum

  Very interesting to see a 62-year-old born-in wake up and leave. I'm a little younger than you and almost a born-in. My wife and I woke up at about the same time.

  millie210: Circumstances within the Org are actually conspiring with you to help your wife feel able to leave. There is an apathy and disorganized feel within that is helping its members become more feeble and detached.

  I agree with that.

  Looking forward to part 2. I have two questions I'd like to ask, though.

  1) Since you've been around JWdom for a while, I'd like to know whether you feel that JWdom has changed significantly since the Fred Franz days (60's, 70's, 80's), and if so, how?

  2) Do you remember exactly what your first doubts/questions/issues with the org and/or religion were, and if you do remember, what were they?

  edited to add:

  hillfy333: ...after the initial negative reaction, i decided to go for it and search further.

  It's really telling that we had such feelings about searching the history, etc. of the religion. Instead of just freely looking up such as we should have been able to, we had to "decide" to, and when we did, there was a feeling that we were doing something wrong. Why did we have such a hesitation? Because the org had programmed us to feel that way. It didn't want us to search its history, etc. for obvious reasons.
• 

  James Jack

  Have you held any "Privileges of Service?"