I joined this forum a few months back and I'm just getting around to giving my personal story. Here goes: I was raised as a witness like many of you out there. My mother was in the truth lie but my father was not. I have an older sister who was also affected by this sick religion/cult. I didn't start going to the KH until I reached the age of 10-my mother was inactive for many years. The reason my mother started going to the kh again was because my great-grandmother (who was also a jw) died, and shortly before she died she asked my mother to start attending the meetings again so that we could all see each other again in the "new system". By the way-the elders never came to visit my great-grandmother. So much for taking care of the elderly, huh? So that's how I ended up going to the kh.
Anyway, to make a long story short-I got baptized at the age of 17-so as not to get destoyed in Armageddon and when I graduated, I wasn't so foolish as to pursue a higher education. Nooooo-I had the "kingdom" to pursue. When I graduated I went to a trade school in order to support myself and because I was still living at home with my parents, I was able to auxillary pioneer at the same time. During this time, I was constantly criticized by the elders for wearing my skirts slightly above my knee. I couldn't understand the big deal because I was only 18 years old-I was young and I didn't look like a whore, so I couldn't see what the big deal was about the length of my dresses/skirts. I also thought that Jehovah put more emphasis on what was in a person's heart than in what the person was wearing. Although I was zealous at the time-I never agreed with the treatment of women at the kh. I can't tell you the number of "local needs" talks we had on skirt length and women were wearing their blouses too low. This was constantly. When I turned 20-fool that I was, I decided to regular pioneer. Upon turning in my application-I was told by the elders that I had to make a drastic improvement on the length of my dresses/skirts in order to even be considered. I also had to start commenting regularly. I always had a thing against commenting at the Watchtower and book study. First of all, no matter what the question was EVERYONE had to start their comment with: "As the paragraph brings out....." For some reason, this irked me terribly. I mean, just comment already!!! Everyone knows you're reading the answer from the paragraph-no need to tell us that's where you got the information. Another thing is that no matter what one person said in their comment-you always had 3 or 4 other people to repeat the exact SAME thing. I never could see the point in commenting. Anyway-back to my story, when the elder told me that I had to start wearing my skirts longer I made an effort to buy extra long dresses to look like a good little witness (and partly to be a little sarcastic) and within about 2 months I was approached by the same elder and told that I had conformed improved greatly and I was now being accepted as a regular pioneer (By the way-I never gave in to the whole commenting thing). When I became a regular pioneer, I was criticized even more. Now the problem was NOT that my dresses were too short but although they were long-they were now too tight!! This was lovingly brought to my attention at a pioneer meeting held by the visiting circuit overseer. He kindly left out our names (referring to my sister and I) letting everyone in the meeting know that he had received many complaints from other pioneers and others in the congregation. But here's the punchline: all the other regular pioneers were at least 60 and over! He didn't have to name names! Could he be referring to 77 year old sister White, who may have worn her dress too tight and have been getting complaints about her?? This was quite discouraging to me, because here I was giving 110% and instead of getting encouraged; all I get is criticism. Although I was talked about and "complained" about-as the humble CO put it, that didn't stop others in the comgregation from asking me for a ride to various places like the store-or to pick up their kids from school since I was not working in the daytime. I was never even OFFERED gas money. I may not have taken it-but it's the thought that counts. When I had fallen ill, I was bedbound for about 3 weeks, Not once did the elders or anyone from my congregation call or stop by to see me. Since I was so discouraged in my congregation, I started visiting other congregations so that I could be seek out spiritual people who weren't so petty. When I did that--u guessed it!! More criticism. Now, I was being accused of looking for a husband.-Give me a break. At the district assembly I made a point to go to the bethel meeting (grasping at straws at this point). At the bethel meeting, it was mainly "brothers" (I use the term loosely) and maybe about 4 sisters, including myself and my sister. When we all settled in-the brother conducting looked around the room and stared at the 4 sisters in the room and immediatley said; "Sisters, unless you are a nurse or have some medical training or background this meeting won't apply to you. We have no need for sisters at this time unless you will be applying with your mate. But you are welcome to stay to listen." At this point I was really fed up. The "society" really looks down upon women in the congregation and as far as I'm concerned-they are a bunch of chauvinists. Once, when I was supposed to give a "talk" with another sister at the Theocratic ministry school, I noticed 2 elders kept passing by me and staring. This happened like 3 times. Finally, one of them approached me and told me ,"If you're going to give a talk tonight, I'm going to have to ask you to go home and change your dress. It is much too short."
Because of incidences like these I started to read other materials outside of the jw books. And I opened myself to a world full of knowledge. I made a decision that I would go away to school to pursue a degree in radio/tv/film which is what I always wanted to do. I applied to my first school of choice and got accepted and I announced that I was moving out of state to go to school. Suddenly, I was "bad association". Since I was still pioneering at the time, one of my close friends threw me a going away party. Well, the congregation I had been going to for the last 15 years of my life-since I was a child, decided it wouldn't be a good idea to come. The few that did come; didn't even speak to me. They came and ate and left. Only 2 people wished me well in my endeavors. Since I left, I did research on my own-mostly via the internet and the freeminds website and found out that my intuition was right. The JW cult is full of %#$ and I need to run not walk away!
Of course I left out lots of other things, but time does not permit me to tell everything. I hope someone will get something out of my story. I appreciate being able to come to a forum like this. Good luck to you all!
Disheartened.