I got the same crap going on in my household. Remember my son the 18 year old did the do with elders daughter well she gets df and he is no longer a pub ( oh joy) He now tells me he and her are getting married I went nuts No not here Is this the crap (cleaned up ) they tell you at the KH are they making you do this . What about college? He says they will be engaged for a while untill he gets things together. I told him i've never hear of engagements lasting 10 years. As long as you live here college is a must full time or part time with a parttime job. those are the rules here or see ya!! HE enrolled last week. I'm keeping a close watch. Girlfreind came over last week and I think she was just glad to have someone to talk to .I did give her a big hug I no she is going through a lot at home the DF thing and told her she can always talk to me . Just no surprises like weddings . Enjoy your youth. Remember she went to them and told what was goin on between her and my son. And now she is treated like S#%%#@t
Marrying Young
by Descender 42 Replies latest jw experiences
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Frannie Banannie
Print out a copy of this thread and send it to him anonymously.....
Frannie B
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undercover
Some of the best advise that I got was from an elder. He told me(going very much against the company line of course) to enjoy youth. Enjoy the freedom and strength that you have. Don't get tied down with one girl. Get the things you want. Get a nice car. Get a cool stereo. Travel and see places that you always wanted to see. He told me to look at the people that I knew that got married at 18 or 20. Do they look happy? Would you be happy dragging a 2 year old around everywhere you go and you haven't even been out of your parents house 2 whole years yet? Not once did he mention pioneering or serving Jehovah. He was straight up and honest. He knew that a lot of people didn't go into pioneering. Why force the issue. He just didn't want people to marry badly and then be miserable. He knew from experience. He married young, had several kids and never got the car he wanted, never went to places he wanted to see and was miserable with his wife. I listened to him and didn't get married until my late 20s. Looking back on that, I sometimes wonder if I was even ready then. But I did have a cool car.
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BeautifulGarbage
I have never heard of anyone younger than my Mom. Dad 19, Mom 14, both JWs. Though, my Mom was not baptised.
22 years of disaster. My birth being the exception, of course.
I also have two female cousins, sisters (not the JW kind, though they are THAT too) that married JW brothers at 15 and 17. Haven't seen them in years because of shunning, but hear that they are still married. I suppose they are as happily married as JW's CAN be.
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William Penwell
undercover,
I hear you. I was there but I got bad advise from an elder. Said that if we could not leave each other alone that maybe we should get married. Biggest mistake as I was stuck in a loveless marriage for 18 years tell it broke up. Its being 9 years alone and the last few years I have never being happier.
Will
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Stacy Smith
I was 16 when a horny MS picked me to be his bride. My reputation wasn't spotless so I know he wanted me for a bride mainly for the sexual attraction. He hung around all the time and I didn't have the skills to get rid of him at first. Everyone thought it was so wonderful, where is your ring they'd ask.
So anyway I did chase him away eventually. I'm in college and he has an 18 year old bride without a clue and he is a nightime janitor so he can pioneer. Of course he's on the hotlist to be an elder.
Slim pickings for the sisters so of course they usually go for younger guys. Bad plan, she won't respect him.
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Victorian sky
I'm sorry about your brother. I'm in the 'take him to a strip club for a lap dance' club. If that's too racey, take him on a trip, just the two of you, or send him on a month long trip to Europe if you can afford it. Travel taught me so much. If he's by himself it will make him think. If he's with you at least you two can strengthen your bond. I say, get him to experience as much as possible between now and the wedding we hope won't happen. I'd be careful about bad mouthing this girl or her family to him, if he thinks you're against the wedding he may stubbornly go through with it. I would focus on helping him to grow as much as possible. He's got no job, why not send his horny butt on an extended vacation to where ever you can afford. If you live in the US, send him across the country to states he's never been to. I learned a lot about life in New York City. What 18 year old would turn down an all expense paid trip? Of course hide your motives, you can even call it a pre-wedding gift! He'd be away from the desperate older JW and her crazy family and he'd be forced to stop, look around and hopefully live a little. Don't know if this sounds corny, but if you do this, buy him a travel journal, that way he can write down his feelings. He'd be forced to address his doubts, at least to himself. After the trip, he'd never forget what you did for him. Hopefully, he'll come to his senses, if not, he knows his older brother loved him enough to try. Good Luck! - V Sky
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Descender
Thanks for the replies. My brothers girlfriend is currently 19. I think that it is slim pickings in the surrounding congregations like Stacy Smith mentioned, therefore the girls start scoping out the younger brothers so they can get an early lead on cultivating the upcoming crop I guess.
Anyway, I think I'll do like Lady Lee mentioned and make an earning to debt ratio chart for him using average prices of things in the area just to show him what kind of lifestyle changes he's in for. He is used to living in our parents house, which is far above the average witness residence, mainly because my father has never been a witness and was very driven to provide a good life for his family.
My parents are both against him getting married; my father more so than my mother, but my brother has told them that, "he's going to go through with it no matter what and if they are not willing to help then maybe he'll just disown them." This is his first girlfriend, first time holding hands, first time kissing, first anything as far as girls go, which seems like a waste of some good youth to me.
Since my brother has not had normal teen-age socialization for three years or so now, he still has the mindset of a 14 year old and expects everything to fall into his lap without him having to work for it. Any educational or life goals he used to have are gone, replaced by one goal: getting married. Maybe I'll ask him to make himself a list of goals that he wants to complete within ten years and tell him to only include himself in his goals, so they can be personal.
Well, it's a start
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kitties_and_horses_oh_my!
I know it seems like he's not at all ready for marriage, but I think dooming a marriage merely because one is 18 isn't good either....I was married at 18, my dh was 21, and we will be married 7 years next year. I was a super-strict dub, he was a lot more laid back, and we both left the org a year ago. A lot in common with your brother. My parents were really against us getting married, but we loved each other, we've worked hard at it, and our marriage is the one thing in my life that I am the most proud of and happy about.Oh, btw, my dh didn't have a college degree either - makes good money now - and I'm back in school while working two part-time jobs (one of which is janitorial at nights). I just don't think anyone else can truly predict the course a marriage will take. It's up to the two involved. Oh, one more thing - I was a fifth generation dub, more like 90 years of witnesses in my family. I am happier now than I have ever been and I owe 99% of that to my husband.
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Francois
The real problem dealing with him is that he is thinking emotionally when he needs to be thinking rationally. If you can get that concept through to him, that that is what he's doing, and get him to understand the foolishness of basing life-altering and defining decisions on emotions you've got a chance. If he continues making his decisions on emotions, you're fried and so is he.
This is one of the real dangers of the absurd "no sex until after marriage" bullshit. It is all built up to be this idealistic land of sugar and honey and it's not until after the marriage a few months that reality sets in and then all hell breaks loose. Unfortunately by then sperm meets egg and there is no chain so unbreakable as a baby, no matter how much the in-laws hate your guts.
This is a recipe for total, unmitigated, full-blown, fail-safe disaster. Get him in the car with a full tank of gas. Get him on the freeway and start talking. Let him talk his own ears off too if he wants. Don't get off the expressway until you're out of gas. That should be about 300 miles. Fill up. Drive back home still talking. Do not get angry. If you get angry, you loose.
That's my advice and it's worth what you paid for it.
Frank Tyrrell