Thanks for all of your comments, ranging from serious to facetious (or facetious to serious).
The situation has to do with dumping and being dumped, as a lover and as a friend. This time, I am the dumpee. It is quite interesting how in a very short length of time, the story one hears from the other party can go from wanting to spend the rest of our lives together, to essentially "there is no room for you in my life." When this person wanted me, or thought she did, she conveyed the best love lines and sweet nothings that anyone has ever offered me. What I have experienced, therefore, has been something like the Amazon River being diverted into a new channel, with my little hamlet on the banks left high and dry. Where did my fishing industry go?
What I am having the most trouble with is not being let go as a lover, but being shut off and shut out completely. This person dripped and dripped until I decided I liked the water, then turned on the fire hydrant for a while (expressing intent never to turn it off), and then suddenly spun the valve completely shut. Actually, it was in two stages: 1. "Here are the reasons why we can't be lovers any longer, but we can try being best friends again (as we were previously);" then 2. (a week or so later) "Here are the reasons why we can't have an active friendship any longer." Of course, the other party explains kindly why all of this change is necessary, in order for her needs, wants, whims, and general agenda in life to be fulfilled.
I did something similar to someone else, feeling it was necessary, almost exactly eleven years ago.
Last night, I indulged in a prayer ritual, and while I was in Sacred Space, I could feel nothing negative whatsoever toward my former lover. I was able only to bless her and wish her well, to hope and pray for her happiness and fulfillment. Although my ego is taunting me, calilng me a weakling, wimp, etc. - evidently expecting me to react angrily to being hurt - I think the ego is just being its bad little self, and while I can let it throw its tantrums internally, I don't have to manifest them externally. Maybe the ego can learn the lesson that all of that ranting and thrashing doesn't acomplish anything good for anyone.
Regarding karma, I don't know if I believe in it exactly as propounded by a given religion or philosophy, but it is interesting how often life serves as our teacher. Whether it is God, spirit guides, our own subconscious, or "chance" that determines that we need to learn from a taste of our own medicine, sometimes things do work to that effect, almost uncannily (as they say).
Cruithne
