by nevaagain 26 Replies latest jw friends
my old mum got religion when i was 9 years old.
i was taken out of school prayer assembly each morning from age 11---but i accepted the whole thing because "we" were in it--so it must be right. got baptised--at 14----with my dad and several of my mates . left school at 15--went pioneering on and off till i was 21. married a born in at 20--so i could have sex at last.
by 23 i just knew i was annointed-----nooo----i mean--atheist. that was the end of my career in the cult.
As far as the meetings they were long and boring and the information was very dry. I dont see that as a detriment to myself though.
I see it as a throw back to what everyone was doing in previous centuries. People trudged to church, sat on hard wooden pews and listened to a dried up stick of a minister threaten them with the flames of hell.
If you come from a European or American background then that is exactly what your forefathers and mothers did as children.
It just seemed more antiquated to us compared to other chidlren of our time.
As for the field service that was cruel and unusual punishment!
Especially considering the fact that as it turns out, it was all for a really crappy religion that no one who really looks in to it could be proud of.
Like Sofia Lose, I grew up surrounded by JW family. But my remembrances of it are not fond.
It was okay (except for the meetings and beatings) until I reached school. That was when my depression really started. Being tortured at school and home (sibling), not being allowed to excel, no friends. The JW kids didn't like me because I was a 'goody 2 shoes', and the worldly kids, well some of them wanted to be friends, but ahahaha, RIGHT! And let's not forget the "Malawi torture nightmares".
The only place to 'achieve' was the TMS and assembly work. I fled as soon as I was old enough. I was never a JW adult, but if I had stayed with it ... I just can't imagine the drudgery and servitude. Sad, so sad.
Not good, long drawn out days sitting at Kingdom Halls or Assemblies which logically to a child was irreverent, boring and tiresome. Is it any wonder you see so many kids getting restless causing an disturbance, then the parent hauling the kid back of the Hall for a spanking. Spanking is encouraged by the way by JW theology.
Being pressured to go out in service to bank up your hours then brag if you placed a piece of literature. and be identified by non-jws school mates.
Then again there is the issue of being kept out of secular activities such sports, birthdays, Christmas , Halloween.
To be a JWS as a child is tough, no wonder many kids that grew up in this religion eventually left it.
Reflectively thinking I would say at least 75 % of the ones who I grew up with left, including myself.
One of my good friends growing up, and still is till this day, would fall asleep during EVERY meeting, lol. Both of our families were in the "truth", and i was born in, and his family got in when he was like 5 years old. So, we were both young in the truth, together. He was never baptized, and never "excelled" in the "truth", but my dumbass was baptized at like 13, or some stupid age like that.
Anyway, i just wanted to share this stupid/funny story about my friend and his younger brother. Whenever they got to the Kingdom Hall, they were always wide awake, jumping around, hanging out with all us kids, before the meetings started. As soon as the opening songs last note was sung, my friend and his younger brother, would be OUT LIKE LIGHTS, lol. I mean sleeping, solid, out cold, lol. It didnt matter if they were in the front row, or back row, they were drooling and snoring, lol. Their mother never gave a shit, but their father would TRY to wake em up, but being that they were 2 of 7 kids, most of the time they werent woken up.
Then, as soon as the final songs lastnote was sung, and then the prayer, BAM!!!!!, they were WIDE AWAKE! Lol, up and talking, and running around, wide eyed, and not skipping a beat. Of course, growing up, especially since my Dad was an Elder, they were looked at as not being spiritually strong. It didnt matter to me, and 30 years later, i am still great friends with them.
This wasnt a story about my childhood, and the feelings i felt growing up, and all that, which i have much to say, but i just wanted to share a funny story about my friend and growing up in the Kingdom Hall, lol.
It was miserable. My grandma died when I was five from not taking a blood transfusion. Then I started school and was constantly humiliated during holiday times, such as when kids gave me Valentines and I had nothing to give them in return. I excelled in some classes and won awards, but my parents refused to come to awards night. It was a minor miracle I did well in school, since I was kept out late on meeting nights due to some dipsh*t always calling an elders meeting. I did homework as late as eleven PM under the Kingdumb Hell parking lights.
Then came the terrifying nightmares, of persecution, torture and what I called my "demon dreams." They were so frightening and vivid. I laid frozen in fear on meeting nights.
When I became a teenager, my father would inspect me before I could get in the car for the meeting, was my skirt too short, were my shoes scuffed at all, did I have a run in my panty hose? l had to set the example and make my dad look good. I was an only child, so there was nobody to play with or talk to. I became a loner (and still am) and developed trouble with my self esteem. The stress led to anorexia and my weight dropped to 98 lbs because I stopped eating.
This didn't mean I got to stay home from meetings, even when the panic attacks started.
Needless to say, I moved out to my own apartment the minute I was able. Saddest thing is, my parents still cannot figure out why I stopped going to meetings. My mother started in about it recently, and I reminded her the stress of those meetings nearly killed me, so why would I put myself through that again?
The constant fear mongering that the world is going to destroyed soon with most of all of its inhabitants has detrimental psychological effects onto children and adults alike as well.
Over a long period of time this can really hurt people causing depression, stress, anxiety.
Add that to the imposing guilt the WTS places onto people to personally distribute their contrived deceptive message through its own publications and you have a real potpourri of psychological dysfunction.
This was a little more intensified back in the late 1960's and 70's with 1975 as the probable date for that to occur and sadly I knew of some young teens who killed themselves out of their built up fear and anxiety.
They believe it because this what their parents are feeding them so it must therefore be true .
Just terrible memories growing up in the Borg. Especially when it came to the holiday season. Being left out of everything the class did or being told who you could or could not befriend.
On top of that were those horrible, hateful, dreadful magazines and books. Those images of people being burned alive at the big 'A'. Images of the ground swallowing people up by the dozens, fear-mongering conventions. Just terrible, terrible things for a child to endure at such a young age. Terrible childhoods of the people in the Borg.
It freakin sucked. I could see all the lying and double standards, but wasn't allowed to point it out.
I was told to 'make the truth my own', which I took to mean scrutinizing it to the point of eliminating doubts...so I tried, but it didn't hold up too well when I kicked the tires, ya know?
As a side note, is that phrase still a part of modern JW jargon? I haven't heard it in quite a while. If it's been retired, maybe it was costing the Org more than it helped...
Holidays are more-or-less ruined for me. I now have the freedom to 'celebrate' whatever I like, I just don't have the emotional connection that would make me want to. In a way, it's easier, since I don't have any pre-conceived notion of the 'right' or 'wrong' way to do Christmas or birthdays, or whatever.
Although, the cognitive distortions imposed upon me as a kid sent me into therapy as an adult, which made things infinitely better for me and my kids....
I can't recommend it enough, for those of us still carrying JW baggage.
I wanted OUT at age 14. I wasn't "allowed" to no longer attend (dad was an Elder).
The way I was treated in the congregation as a young person was despicable. The way I was treated has affected me to this day. I don't trust too many people (actually, only my spouse) . I was treated better by my "worldly" friends at school.
The only good that came out of being a JW, is I met my spouse and now have our wonderful kids. Now we are all FREE!
