so yesterday i was driving down the freeway talking on the phone with my jw mom. i asked when she and my dad would want to go out to dinner with me and my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. she tells me 'your father and i can't share a meal with you. b/c of choices that you made' the choice she is talking about is the letter of disassociation i wrote 3 years ago. i HAD to leave i had to get out. the witnesses are stiffling. not only that they preach about not being prejucided but they are prejuiced against anyone who thinks differently then they do. i had an abusive childhood. i was frequently beat by my mother for not keeping the house clean, or not doing things the way she wanted them done. my father, a minesterial servant, covered up for her. we frequently had bethelites spend the night at our house and they saw what was going on. no one said a word. she was never talked to about it from any of our 'loving' elders. now why is that? so now i've left. and i am finally happy. i no longer want to kill myself every day. i have the freedom to think what i want. to say what i want and not have to worry about the impression i am giving off. of course this has come with certain sacrifices. my older sister (who lives at the watchtower educational center in patterson w/ her husband) used to be my best friend. but i haven't talked to her in 3 years b/c her husband told her she isn't allowed to call me and she listens. my brother (who is in china somewhere doing underground work) won't speak to me, and no longer considers me a part of the family. so how do i get over trying? how do i stop trying to still be the good little girl my parents want me to be? how do i stop feeling guilty about leaving? how do i stop caring that people who said that they loved me will no longer talk to me? i don't understand how a supposedly loving organization rips families apart and no one has a problem with it.
a little intro
by proudassmonkey 17 Replies latest jw friends
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bikerchic
(((proudassmonkey!)))
so how do i get over trying? how do i stop trying to still be the good little girl my parents want me to be? how do i stop feeling guilty about leaving? how do i stop caring that people who said that they loved me will no longer talk to me? i don't understand how a supposedly loving organization rips families apart and no one has a problem with it.
There are no easy answers to these questions. So many of us XJW's have been asking the same questions and seeking the answers. I can tell you that you will find some answers here on this forum by some very caring and loving people, but sad to say you won't find all the answers. You will also find comfort here in the way of replacing your present abusive family with those who really care and are able to show genuine love that the JW's can only "talk" about having.
It may be that you should consider getting therapy to help you get over the great loss of family. It would give you a different perspective on the whole cult so you can see that it is them not you who are dammaged goods. I don't mean to sound so angry but I can feel the pain you are going through and it makes me angry that parents can do such things to their children all in the name of a "loving organization"........it makes me want to puke!
Best wishes on your journey out!
Kate
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nilfun
Welcome!
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teejay
Hello, Proudassmonkey (cool name, btw) and welcome to the board!
You didn't say how old you are. It only matters in the context of your current delima because, if you're still young and trying to get your life started, those issues can be tough enough all by themselves, and having to deal with leaving a life-long religion can make life even more complicated.
Knowing as little as I do about you, my best advice for you is for you to keep an open mind, give yourself plenty of time to get over all the fun you had In The Truth (<---- that was a joke), and educate yourself as much as you can about the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.
This site is a valuable source of information and emotional support. Feel free to vent! Jgnat started a thread yesterday that you might want to look at: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/58215/1.ashx
And sites like http://www.freeminds.org/ are dedicated to providing a wealth of information about the Society's history, the fallacies of Wt teachings, as well as experiences that come from people who were on the inside -- even former elders and Bethelites.
I promise you, the more of the REAL truth you learn about the Watchtower Society, the less and less guilt you will feel. Sorry about the headaches the religion gave you, but by questioning now you're saving yourself a lot of grief later.
Glad you made it here. Hope you stick around.
Peace, tj
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garybuss
Welcome! You wrote:
i don't understand how a supposedly loving organization rips families apart and no one has a problem with it.
I have a problem with it. LOTS of us do. Lots of people who were never Witnesses have a problem with it too.
Rejection is harder to accept than abuse isn't it? It can be done though. The first step for me was to quit being hurt and start being pissed. Then disfellowship each and every one of THEM, and shun THEM! GaryB
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drwtsn32
Welcome, proudassmonkey!
A lot of people will be able to sympathize with your experiences. I hope you enjoy your stay here on JWD.
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arrowstar
Welcome!!
Lisa
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oldcrowwoman
Welcome
You have come to the right place for support. And to validate the pain you are experiencing.
I have a listening ear and I will serve a of tea to comfort your soul.
OCW
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oldcrowwoman
Welcome
You have come to the right place for support. And to validate the pain you are experiencing.
I have a listening ear and I will serve a of tea to comfort your soul.
OCW
