by Dimples 10 Replies latest social humour
....you read in the paper that one of the JW's you knew died and you are either disfellowshipped or disassociated?
Do you mourn all alone for them, do you send a card to the family anonymously, or do you just leave things alone? I feel bad and wish I could do something but then I have to realize that I didn't shun them, they chose to shun me. How do you all feel about this situation and how do you handle it?
I haven't been through it yet... but I guess it depends on you.
If you want back in ignore any advice of mine.
If you are comfortable with your existence outside the WTS, then send cards to those you care for. Many may be ignored... but you may help make a difference with someone who remebers that those who leave are not all "of the devil".
Condolences.
Write it 'as if' you WERE going to send it. Then don't. Or, wait until later. Just wait a little while and send it without your name.
Respectfully, is it really important where the well wishes come from?
sKally
Hi Dimples
Ya know, I used to read the obits for awhile, looking for JW announcements...even did an occasional search on the local newspaper website. There have been a few that I've known for many many years, and I felt like sending their family a card...but I didn't.
How I felt? Sad, but they rejected me, so why should I force myself in on them, at a time of grief?
I'd be interested in your perspective; perhaps I've become a bit callous?
Craig
Hi Craig,
I must say I do agree with you. I feel sad as well when I see that a JW I knew has died but I do have to realize that they are the ones shunning me. I guess it's best to just leave things alone. Why should I put myself in a situation for them to talk or criticize my efforts?
Thanks for your post
Dimples
To the rest of you....
Thanks for the replies, you all have been very helpful.
Dimples
The second last jw funeral we went to got us DA'd
The last jw funeral we went to, was uncomfortable for us due to the hypocrasy and or disdain shown to us.
There have been opportunities since to attend other funerals, but CJ and I do have some pride, and to walk into the KH and be treated like lepers, or in the reverse, to be treated warmly by some who can't be bothered to look at us in public,........................who needs that BS.
We'll send a card, for whatever that is worth.
a friend of mine went thru this and asked me the same question.
I asked her why she was still playing by JW rules....
she said she only wanted to be respectful of someone elses' beliefs...
I asked her IF she DID respect the beliefs of JWs...
she said NO!.... their beliefs were wrong and dangerous and an affront to God!
so then I asked her why she doesn't just send a sympathy card like anyone else on this planet would in the case of a death of someone who had once been a friend?
you have every right to send a card as they do to throw it away or read it. You don't have to send the card withthe motive of trying to comfort them so much as you can send it with the motive of honoring the memory of the beloved deceased. You have as much right to do that as anyone by virtue of the fact that you knew and loved them too.
at some point in all our lives we stop being an XJW and start being just a human who has had the experience of once being a JW....
Ravyn
I am inclined to agree with Rayvn.
I haven't experienced this yet persay--but I did experience a jw baby shower I was explicitly NOT invited to. (Death/birth different but equal yes no?) Anyway I sent the card (with my phone number and a request that they call me when they needed a babysitter) and a gift. Did I get anythiing back? Nope. Was I expecting to? I dunno, I did expect at least a thank you card, but I guess not. Does it hurt. Hell yes. (especially since I am not df or da.) But did I do the right thing. I think I did. Regardless of how they feel about me, my feelings for them have not changed one bit. I think it's important they be reminded of that during big life-altering events like this.
I remember so many times as a kid, or while I was still in talking about DF and DA people like they didn't care, and how could they be so cold to turn their backs on us? When all we did was love them! (I know laughable now) but I did take their silence to mean they stopped caring and wanted nothing to do with us simply because of how we believed.
Now being on the otherside, I don't want them to ever think I stopped carring about them simply because of what they believe. I don't agree with what they believe, and find what they believe to be harmful and dangerous...but I will never hate THEM because of it. Nor will I stop caring for them.
Therefore, while I have never experienced a funeral situation like this, I know already how I would react. They would get a card with my deepest sympathy and respect, and a promise to be there for them should they ever feel the need to talk.
I am still here. If they want me they can find me. I want it to always be PERFECTLY OBVIOUS who cut out who. If they want to play petty games so be it. I will not.
The last dub funeral I went to, I sat in the front row. Do what you feel is right by you, not some stupid rules
made up to protect the braindead.
Write the card, sign it and send it. We are above the crap now.
Steve
