A few months ago, at my last doctor’s visit, she strongly suggested I get off birth control pills to let my body go through menopause naturally. It took a few days for me to work this out. Although I really don’t want any more children, the idea that I could no longer have children saddened me. I would never again get to feel new life moving inside me or the excitement of seeing and holding that child for the first time. And while I have 5 wonderful sons, and I’ll always be Mom or as my oldest son has started to call me “Mother”, I’ll never be “Mommy” again. What a change it is, when we can make a decision for ourselves, to when the power to choose is gone.
For many weeks I felt terrible after getting off the pill. I think I have learned a little of what an addict feels when they try to kick the habit. It felt like the worst case of PMS and morning sickness all rolled into one. Hubby kept asking me if I was pregnant, but no I wasn’t.
I did some research on natural treatment and now I take a lot of herbs, minerals and vitamins. I think I take more pills than my 85 year old mother does. I asked her about menopause but she said it was so long ago, she doesn’t remember much about it.
Mood swings are so unpredictable. Sometimes I am laughing at something just like a giggling teenager. Other times the bitch switch can be turned on in an instance. And there are so many things that irritate me now. I can’t stand the sound of my hubby rocking in his chair, or the beat of my kid’s music. Sometimes I say to them, this won’t bother me tomorrow or next week, but right now it does so please quit doing it. I hear a song and I start crying. I have sobbed through movies. I was always such an easy to get along with person, now it seems like I’m always complaining about something. Who is this woman and when will she give me back my body? Hubby and boys spend a lot of time out in their garage.
And now when there are no crying babies to get up for, I can’t sleep all night anyway. I usually wake up about 3:00 a.m. and can’t get back to sleep. So I get up and unload the dishwasher, do other housework until I’m tired enough to go to sleep again. One night I slept from 11 to 5:30 and I felt so rested, it was unbelievable.
So hoping this isn’t too far off the wall for most of you. Any thoughts? Will life as I knew it ever return?
Sadie