I feel weird sharing this but figure it might help me to get some feedback

by SheilaM 10 Replies latest social entertainment

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  SheilaM

  We had a wonderful time at Ants graduation but of course my dysfunctional (no not JWs just dyfunctional )Sis the one I speak to, had to call to tell my Mother who had progressed Alzheimers, Lymphoma and has had a stroke had broke her hip and that during or after surgery she had a major heart attack.

  For my I am perplexed as to why this isn't a BLESSING, for two years I mourned the loss of my Mother. She has had fewer and fewer lucid moments the last year or so. So she was facing the cruelty of the disease plus the pain of progressive lymphoma.

  My siblings act as if my Mother was healthy and this tragic thing happend. They also have made them do three EEG's that show NO brain activity but is showing more and more seizures. They removed the respirator due to pnumonia but her respiration is only 5 breaths a minute.

  I had to have Thunder field phone calls due to the verbal crap my middle sis and brother would love to impart on me. For instance the day of my sons graduation my brother who I haven't talked to in 4 years or so calls "YO this is Ray, is Sheila there." Thunder says yes we are getting ready to watch Ant graduate from bootcamp." Ray says "so, whatever".....Thunder hung up on him.

  We have resolved to no longer answer the cell phone on vacation. They can not embrace joy they are tragedy vampires and they are rolicking it in right now. My poor oldest Sis is drawn into the fray because of her lack of boundaries.

  They are furious that I will not go down for the funeral but for me I have begun to heal from losing my Mom and I refuse to rip open the wound and start over.

  I have had some excellent advice on this from Shutter and XenaW but wanted to share with you all too.
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  arrowstar

  ((Sheila))

  I'm proud of you for drawing boundaries and refusing to be sucked into the black hole. You are a strong and wonderful woman. We are here for you.

  Lisa
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  happyout

  Sheila,

  First, my sympathy on the loss of your mother.

  Second, my sympathy on the crap your family is trying to put you through. Pretense is so unnecessary, especially when someone is gone. You don't have to accede to the wishes of your siblings (who don't sound like a picnic at the best of times), so try not to worry your head about it. Toxic people have no place in your life, whether they are related by blood, marriage, whatever. Let them crawl back to the hole they've been in for the last several years.

  That doesn't mean you have to have animosity. Simply accept that there are people not allowed in your life, and try to move on. I have had to do that (although admittedly not with my immediate family), and I think there are times in our lives when we all have to do it.

  My best to you always, you're a sweet person.

  Happyout
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  little witch

  Sheila,

  I am so sorry about your mother. Thanks for sharing this with us.

  My husband and I went through a similar situation two years ago, with his mom.

  His family is very disfunctional. They have been nothing but trouble for the past twenty years.

  I wont go into detail, but his whole family put us through torment.

  His mom became terminally ill, and this only made them worse.

  They faught over who got what, who she loved most, where she would stay, you name it.

  We quietly disengaged when his mother got really bad. It was just too hard to deal with grief, and BS

  at the same time.

  When she died, we did not go to the funeral. It would have been just another opportunity for them to

  harass us more. My husband arranged a private viewing to pay his last respects.

  They dont bother us anymore, and that is a big relief. If he runs into them at walmart or whatever, they try to jab him with, "You didnt even go to your own mothers funeral", but we just keep walking.

  It is sad, but worth it for the peace of our household. We are finally free of all that crap, and I pray you will be soon!

  Stay strong, I know you are doing the right thing for your family.
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  cruzanheart

  I think you're doing the right thing by distancing yourself, Sheila. You have grieved for your mom and will continue to do so, at your own pace and in your own way. Doesn't sound as though your family is very healthy to be around, so it's probably best to stay away. It won't do you any good to be in the middle of all that dysfunctional emotion.

  Hugs,

  Nina
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  Aztec

  Sheila, when my grandfather died I went to his memorial service but everyone understood that not all of us could be there. A few of my cousins could not make it because they have young families and travelling that far was just impossible. Add to it that my grandfather had been ill for years and barely recognisable as himself and I completely understood. You make your peace with it any way you can and don't feel guilted into anything. I have a few dramatic people in my family myself. Sometimes you have to focus on the living. I hope that doesn't sound cruel.

  ~Aztec
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  calamityjane

  Sheila sorry to hear of your mom, but I believe your doing the right thing. To put yourself into the hands of your tragedy loving family, I don't see why anyone would want to subject themselves to that kind of environment. I've been there in my life in other circumstances with my jw family, and I choose to stay away from something that will only bring me down. Some people love to feed on misery.

  I've never met you, but from your posts and Thunder's posts, I know you are a very loving family, and your doing the right thing.

  take care

  love

  cj
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  frenchbabyface

  (((SheilaM))) Thanks for sharing ...
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  SheilaM

  Thank you all so much for undestanding. I am doing OK and appreciate your support
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  mouthy

  Sheila ((((HUG)))my sympathy