The night before, I went to bed very late. I almost never turned on the radio back then, and that night I was listening to a jazz station while I was reading in the kitchen. Finally, I took a drink from my beer, leaned back, closed my eyes and smiled, and I basked in the thought that life was pretty sweet... I had a lot of nice things in life to look forward to; nothing to mar the horizon... It was really hard to tear away from there to go to bed, it was a warm, woozy, happy night. To make it easier to leave, and completely out of character, I left the radio on overnight, so that I would be able to hear some more jazz as soon as I got up the next morning.
I didn't hear jazz the next morning. There was someone interviewing frantic people about a tower collapsing, and I was puzzled. International news? These were American voices, though. The only towers I was aware of were in NY, but I didn't spend a second considering them. It took a few minutes of watching TV to process what had happened. I have never been to NY, and don't know the skyline or anything about its architecture. I was trying to figure out why the anchors were talking about a tower collapsing, when there was obviously a tower standing there (albeit on fire). (I didn't know there were 2 towers originally!) The reporters were talking about up to 20,000 people being in the tower, and I was praying that they could all get out. Suddenly, the single tower began collapsing like a banana. I fell off the couch and onto my knees, horrified. A surreal moment, I had my hand clapped to my mouth. I was speechless. I was reeling. I had just seen (so I thought) 20,000 people die.
My husband did not see any of this, though he came in for a portion of the news afterward. He didn't seem to understand the measure of my upset, although he was still very disturbed. As each subsequent attack came (the Pentagon, and then the crash in Pennsylvania), it was like being dealt a body blow.
My JW neighbor came over. We just sat and watched. She didn't mention Armageddon. Like me, she had been crying. Another neighbor came over. We struggled for words to say.
But as stories came out later that day, and on subsequent days, of the heroism and twists of fate that prevented this attack from being 10x worse, I slowly, slowly began to feel thankful and hopeful again.
Today I am still squeamish about turning on the news: I actually pray for our country every time before I click on cnn.com. I still search for the stories of heroism that show that the human spirit is capable of overcoming evil even as great as what a terrorist can bring. I appreciate more deeply the hope of John 1:5... The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it.
bebu