Tonite , I was afraid of the feelings I might have passing thru the area where my Mom and Dad grew up , where all of my family still lives, and where my Mom is buried.
My son, Jake had a game in Natchitoches and we had to go right thru the area to get there. I decided at the last moment to stop my Grandfathers place. When he died it went to my Mom, but since she was dead before him, it goes to my sister and I.
I had a little cry when I stopped at my Mom's land, where she grew up and we went everyweekend to visit her parents.
The land is my inheritance that should have been my Mom's had she lived. The gate was locked and I got a picture of me and the kids standing by the Lazy B Ranch sign. I know that there will be a buyer for the over 450 acres soon and that sign will no longer be on the gate.
We were on our way to our oldest son's football game, they played in a college stadium in Natchitoches and played a AAA team, although they are only an A, barely that.
My son was sick , but made 18 tackles and although they lost , I was proud. I told him he was playing on the land that belonged to our Indian ancestors over 100 yrs ago. All of my kin people are right around that area. The college is right down by the river front, where they have the big Christmas Lights Festival, also right where the movie Steel Magnolias was filmed. My uncle was one of the real doctors that had a cameo in the movie.
I guess , going thru the place that I grew up around, going right past where my Mom is laid to rest , just hit me harder than I thought. But really , I felt close to her, I had some laughs at the things we used to do......like laughing so hard while she was driving home in her Lincoln, going 90, and got pulled over for speeding. Of course at first she blamed me for making her laugh so hard , but we decided to not tell Daddy about that ticket.....just things like that.
I enjoyed telling my little ones , who got to see the land and walk where I walked at their ages,,,,all about the things I did out there and how much their Grandmother loved that land,,,,, it really made me feel good.
Jake , didnt get to see it , he was already at the field when we got there, rode the bus with the team. But I did get to have a little talk with him before the game started and although he was sick as a dog with some kind of flu, he played anyway. I always love to watch him, look to the stands and see if his dad and I are watching him, , or is other family and friends are there to cheer him on, he smiles and waves just a little.
Being free from the borg to let my kids do the things they have always wanted to do brings me so much joy. The happiness they feel, the freedom they have, the childhoods that will not be lost , in so many ways makes up for what we lost.
It is amazing that all the pain you may have been thru in your life, when you look into your children's faces and see happiness , all the things in your own past seem to be easier to bear. I guess because you feel you are doing something for the child that you once were, by making sure that your children have what you didn't.
Well, this is long enough , just wanted to share some of my feelings about going back "down home", seeing the old stomping grounds and really understanding that life goes on,,,,,,,,and it goes fast. I think we should soak it in , take it all in everyday , life with our families and friends is a very precious thing.