by NEWWORLDSLACKER 16 Replies latest jw friends
This is something that I have come to realise about myself over the years, but I have never been sure if it is my dub upbringing or just a part of my character. One on one or two I'm OK, three to six I start feeling uncomfortable, almost isolated, like I'm scrutinizing myself form outside. Anything more than 6 and I fade out completely. I hate crowds, like at sporting events etc.
Therapy could probably sort it - but who wants to be normal anyway.
G
I've always experienced some social awkwardness. I was raised as an only child of older parents, and most of my relatives were older too. There's more to the story, but that gives everyone a basis for nodding and saying, "I understand...." At least it will put you on the right track.
I've gotten a lot better about this over time, and esp. in recent times, since leaving the JWs. I still feel some anxiety about what others think of me, what they may speculate about my motives, etc. (Sometimes I want them to be perceptive, and sometimes I want them to NOT know what I'm up to. I expect I am relatively normal, in these regards.) HOWVER, I don't agonize over such things as much as I used to. If someone doesn't like me - whether it's 'cause they misunderstand me, or 'cause they understand me too well - shrug, there are plenty more people in the world, and not everyone is going to like anyone, approve of him/her, etc.
Social anxiety or "awkwardness," as I put it) is something that one can get over, with effort. A little cognitive therapy on oneself (with or without professional help) tends to work wonders, Over Time.
Spending time in the JW camp doesn't help with this. I think (based somewhat on personal experience) that if a person has psychological / emotional problems, being a JW is a good way to make it much harder to get over them, and/or to encourage them to grow - soemtimes to the point that they can consume and destroy a person. That's one of the reasons why I know the religion is not truly "from God," where "God" means any divinity that I consider worthy of my worship.
Regards,
Cruithne
I think Nosferatu hit the nail on the head :
After I left, I made quite a few friends. However, when I'd get these friends all together, depression would hit me. I would feel that I didn't belong with them, and I should really go home.
Thats it exactly , the feeling like you shouldnt be there and you feel as though you may need to run .
Great comments from you all , thanks again
NwS
Yep, I've got it too. Who knows for sure how it would be without that JW past. I don't think anyone can deny that the ingrained 'stay separate' way of life is a big part of the problem though.
This is a very good topic. In my case, I do feel that my JW past will always play a big part in my social interactions. With the JW's, I was given a good foundation to overcome my shyness and was encouraged to read the bible from cover-to-cover; something I don't think I would have ever done in any other circumstance. Who knows?
It was hard believing that anyone away from the organization could ever care about me. In my secular work, I was respected for my JW beliefs and when I stopped going, the respect didn't change. I realized that I was a good person, not because I was a JW, but because I could relate to people. I enjoyed letting an elder know that my personality was shaped by my parents and not the JW dogma. Hell, I know elders that lie and get respect because they haven't been caught or benefit from all the double-standards. Even the distinction that I receive from workmates in comparison to other JWs is not satisfying enough though. People outside the organization are not blinded by the delusion that JWs have about themselves and it has been hard to find myself somewhere in this world. I belonged to something for so long. Where do I go from here?
People leave the organization for different reasons and I think that has a big influence on how they deal with this issue. I didn't need the organization to come up with 'new light' concerning the separating of the sheep and goats. All I am saying is that I didn't judge people while I was a witness and now that I am not, I still don't judge anyone. I think that mindset is what is helping me overcome my issues in social situations.
I find social situations a bit difficult, I thinks its 'cause I didn't have friends growing up b/c there were no other JW kid's besides my sister.
People outside the organization are not blinded by the delusion that JWs have about themselves and it has been hard to find myself somewhere in this world. I belonged to something for so long. Where do I go from here?
Great thread, and I thought the above quote was an excellent summary of why ex-JWs find it so hard to manage in the big bad world we never thought we'd be a part of.
We were used to being part of Something Big. We represented the Sovereign of the Universe in the Universal Issue of Jehovah's Sovereignty. And we knew that we were not alone, we were part of a Worldwide Brotherhood in settling that all-important issue. Meanwhile, the rest of the world were set to be destroyed at Armageddon, while we knew we had the chance of Everlasting Life Forever on a Paradise Earth.
How can you top that? No wonder life seems so ordinary and un-inspiring in comparision.
