by Warren Wilson 10 Replies latest jw experiences
I have been clear now for 22 years but I am still obsessed. After going on and on about my experiences to friends and family I have finally realised that no one is interested.
They have won. No one cares about my PTSD or my suicide attempts or my alcohosm.
I have no one to talk to about this but I really need to get the infection out of my system because it is killing me.
You've said it well: clinging to the bad experiences is a killer.
Sadly, learning how to "let go" seems contrary to our intuition and we tell ourselves that it just can't be done. We tell ourselves that the resentments and the hatreds are just too damn deep.
We don't listen to the only ones who really care because they tell us to simply "let it go!" What do they know anyway?
But the solution, the freedom, the restoration of sanity is truly that simple: Let It Go. When you let it go their power over your life ends.
They have won. No one cares about my PTSD or my suicide attempts or my alcohosm.
I have no one to talk to about this but I really need to get the infection out of my system because it is killing me.
Maybe they do care about you, but they may not have the skills to provide you with the support that you need. If you are talking PTSD (any reason why you call it that?), we are talking about a condition that is treated by people who are professionally trained to help patients with it. Unless your family is made of psychologists, psychiatrists or clinical social workers, they just can't have the skills to provide the help that you might need.
Have you reached out to any mental health professional? If not, I'd suggest you try. If you have, please tell your mental health professional that something might not be working.
If professional support is not an alternative to you (sometimes it's just not available or affordable), the next best thing is trying online support groups, such as the ones you find in a place like Daily Strength (not endorsing it, just suggesting it).
If online communities don't cut it, try reading some literature on the matter. There are plenty of self-help books that can be useful.
I hope you find the peace you might need.
A good therapist can be invaluable. Get one that specializes in Compound PTSD and Cult Exiting. I have recently found my best therapist that helped me with issues 6 years ago. It is like peeling an onion, one layer at a time.
I actually was relieved when I found out it was PTSD instead of me just being fucking crazy. Address the cause, and the other issues may just go away.
Good luck,
JK
We all have periods in our life when we need professional help.
check for helpline phone numbers who will redirect you if they feel it is appropriate.
there is no need for anyone in this day and age to feel that they have to tough it out or whatever.
Get some help which means advice and support in coping with a difficult situation.
Step one: get your addiction to alcohol treated, @Warren Wilson. There is no way you could even attempt to address the negative thinking patterns and PTSD while your brain is in an altered state. And I know what you're thinking: "there were times when I did sober up, and even then, I still couldn't cope with the depression and bitterness I feel toward what Watchtower did to me." Please bear in mind that alcoholism truly does change your brain. If you've done brief stints of detox and been able to blow clean on a breathalyzer, your brain wouldn't have actually been clear. That takes months, even a year, before at a cellular level you're completely clear brain-wise. There are neurological changes at different levels - particularly the amygdala - which really need to be retrained and reprogrammed (hope that doesn't sound like cult speak for "brainwashing"!).
There's so much that goes into this, and white knuckling it for 28 days is far from clean and sober. You need to commit to this and get some local support. AA might be the best place to start. Look up local meeting places and times and rock up. It doesn't even matter if you're drunk upon arrival. The folks there GET it, and they're not there to judge. If you can muster up the courage, you can even take the podium and speak your mind of why you're in this state. It can be emotional, but simultaneously liberating to bear your broken soul and know you're being heard.
Get yourself a sponsor while you're there - it's all free. You need all the understanding and care that you can get when embarking on this path, @Warren Wilson. Deep down, I believe you're still salvageable and can turn this thing around. But it has to start with a physically healthy mind. Only then will the emotional resolutions follow.
+1 for what wmeubyjh said, spot on, really good advice. Get the drugs sorted it really helps you get perspective on ones other life problems. I was a drinker a few years ago, even when I thought I as sober, I clearly wasn’t when I think about some of the things I did and said. Deprioritise the cult, work on the drink (having said that , there are so Many parallels between AA and jw , I find it quite funny). I am an alcoholic that doesn’t regularly drink, and it feels great, great that I know how to manage it now, not that it’s not a problem. AA brings you into contact with people who have learned to manage, not overcome.
importantly, it gives us perspective , you are not defined by the cult you joined, you have choices ..
Warren please remember this is not a mental-health helpline. If you are feeling unsafe or at risk of harming yourself you need to contact the relevant health services in your own locality. Please do so.
@kramer Thanks for sharing. Four years sober this August for myself :).
@Warren Wilson Trust me, if I wasn't clear from substance/alcohol abuse when I woke up, it might have been a very different story. Clarity will give you the first tool you need to address your PTSD.
Best wishes.
A life coach might help too. They focus on the future and not the past as therapists do.
