Knowledge That Leads to Everlasting Life, I Mean Nervous Breakdown

by Perry 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  Perry

  euphemisn is exactly correct in his characterization stillajwexelder.

  But everyone knows that fault and responsibility are exclusive of one another. You have the perfect response in my opinion and one that I hope that I would display if I was an ex-elder. You realize that it is not your fault that people lost their families, but you still feel a sense of responsibility to help lift the shame burden that you assisted in placing on them. After all, elders did sit in the judgement seat. A simple phone call would go a long way toward someone's mental health who has lost such never-to-be-replaced priceless personal treasures.

  Please, if you do this, post the response here for all to share in. In fact, I would like to suggest that a special section be created on this board that would list all the wonderful stories that all of the ex-elder posters on this board could write. Think how powerful that would be for new comers and lurkers to see the truly apologetic deeds that elders do once they come to their senses.

  How many ex-elders are there here on this board that facilitated disfellowshippings? How many apologies could they collectively make....50? 75? 100? Of those, how many lives would be validated or even saved? After all, a disfellowshipping is tantamount to passing a death sentence and even the society intimated that it is a moderen replacement for stoning.

  Why don't all ex-elders who read this post do some soul searching and then do the right thing. I'm sure that it would be a huge eye-opener for word to get around in the JW community of how ex-elders act when they learn to do unto others....

  To all ex-elders: It is not your fault. But if it isn't your responsibility to try and right a wrong, whose is it?
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  CruithneLaLuna

  I totally forgive you. That is, I forgive the elders who did take part in df'ing me when, according to JW rules, it was appropriate. One of them was also the person through whom I initially became interested in "the Truth." I also forgive ... whoever needs to be forgiven for doing what they believed was right. As you say, you thought you were doing God's will at the time. That doesn't make what you did right, or fix the problems your actions may have caused, but it does mitigate your own responsibility somewhat.

  I got reinstated, and then walked away later and da'd myself - knowing that it would separate me from my children, not to mention all of my long-time friends. However, I would have compromised my integrity if I hadn't left, and if I had pretended to continue supporting the org in any way when I no longer agreed with it or saw it as a good thing. As to whether da'ing myself was necessary, I personally decided that it was. The JWs are so big on "taking a stand for the truth," if they had a smidgeon of humility they would realize that that can encompass (in a person's own mind and heart, at least, which they don't have to agree with) leaving as well as joining. Of course, they are closed to that viewpoint, but I felt it was necessary to present them with that challenge - especially my family and former friends. In effect, I said, "Yes! I am 'taking a stand for the truth' - by making it known that I have nothing to do with this religious organization and its activities, nor do I intend to, ever again."

  Anyways, I understand how you feel, to an extent. There are things I did in the past that I still feel badly about,and probably always will. I can only hope that the people who were adversely affected by my mistakes made subsequent decisions that enabled them to overcome those effects. Who knows, maybe they became stronger / more effective / happier, in the long run. Perhaps paradoxically, suffering isn't always a bad thing. I think its long-term results depend on how one chooses to react to it.

  Warm regards,

  Cruithne
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  bebu

  Stilla, I have to agree with Perry and these others. What a great deal of wrong you could undo--a whole fortress of trouble can be levelled simply by being humble--the true antithesis of the WTS.

  I am convinced that you will find your own healing happen as you reach out to heal others. From reading the boards, and even as CruithneLaLuna shows, people can forgive.

  You have my sincerest wishes and prayers!

  bebu
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  stillajwexelder

  thanks guys -- I also should mention -- I should probably do it before I myself and disfellowshipped for apostasy -- being on this board
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  Perry

  stillajwexelder,

  Please keep us posted. Thanks for your candor and good luck with everything.

  Perry
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  orangefatcat

  Perry a very interesting post... Who has the knowledge that leads to everylasting life, I mean Nervous Breakdown.

  From my own point of view and from the elders I personally knew, I find some elders do have hearts and wish that they would rather eat nails then disfellowshiip a person. And then on the the other hand you have elders who can hardly wait to pound that last nail in your coffin. I have dealt with both kinds.

  It is my feeling that the G.B. is heartless, they have no mercy for individuals in the halls. They are a group of men, most not married or married with no children. How do they tell elders to handle children in the cong. when they themselves never have dealt with them(Children). Most of these older men become grumpy crotchity and have very little patience for anyone. They sit in a room and deal with an organization they no longer run or rule. They can't. The rules are rules on a legal system. Very little is biblical anymore. They themselves live in their own world awaiting their heavenly reward. So they have give juristication to younger and strong minded men. The GB have taught them all they know. Elders meetings are not about being loving to the brothers anymore its wiping out people, for those who have not been regular at the meetings and service. They have no time for Christians who are having problems in the way of true mental illness. How could they, they know nothing of it as neither does the governing body. Oh yes they write article about it but they still don't have to deal with it, I don't blame the elders.

  The problem is not the elders the problem rests with whats being told to them. I remember times my father comming home from elders meetings crying. He tried always to show mercy other elders were eager to crush the iron fist. My father died young and I think much of it was brought on by congregational problems. I am sure there are several elders and ex elders who were good like my dad.

  My uncle a elder during the 70's and part of the 80,s was a perverse man, my dad never knew how evil his brother was. My father loved his brother so much. However his brother was a liar and a schemer and led my father to believe that Jehovah's spirit was no longer upon his cong. He blamed other elders for all the wrong doing. Yet it was no on else it was him. Here he was a pedoephile. And he never thought he would be caught. Well Well. he was and he went to prison. He deserved it and much more. And the cong. was dissolved. This is an instance where an elder is heartless, liar, and every thing you can think off. May he rot for what he did.

  Elders are good and bad and come from all forms of life. A decesent man would feel terrible for having to disfellowship or reprimand a person. Oh some people deserve of course like in the case of my terrible uncle.

  But I can see how a good man can be destroyed internally because its not human to act as a judge against another. That is Gods work. Mathew 7:1

  This is how I feel and would never intent to upset or hurt any one on this board.

  Orangefatcat.
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  ESTEE

  Argh! I empathize ...

  When I was still a dub, and I started remembering my abuse, I landed in the hospital.

  I was visited by dubs who told me, "Whoever looks behind them is not well suited for the Kingdom of Gawd" ... I took that to mean I was an unsuitable candidate for the NewSystemTM ... because I looked at my abuse issues. Shite!

  Now I know ... It is because the dubs completely enable every kind of dysfunction ...more than that ... they encourage it! That is the only way they keep their control over ya! If we stayed co-dependent ... it is the only way to survive dub-dumb ...

  Another way to survive is to leave!!! After all ... I read somewhere ... The truth will set ya freeeee!!!!

  ESTEE
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  Perry

  Hi Orangefatacat,

  I enjoyed your response very much. Just wanted to expand a bit.

  The problem is not the elders the problem rests with whats being told to them.

  I think everyone here realizes the elders are not at fault here. After all, the mind control doesn't label people....it affects all equally. This issue is whether or not elders are responsible for the terrible consequences resulting from their judicial rulings whose sole purpose is to destroy lives, families, and relationships. AKA keeping the cong. clean. - puke

  For instance, if a judge pronounces a guilty sentence on an individual who is later found to be innocent; it would be a travesty if the judge simply said to himself, " I have no fault or responsibility in this matter because it was the faulty information supplied to me by the district attorney that caused this problem". At that, he simply forgets about it and leaves the innocent man in prison.

  Alternatively, the same judge could also reason, "that idiot D.A. gave me bad information and caused me to harm an innocent man. It may not be my fault, but I'll be damned if I don't try and make it right".

  Ex-Elders or at least elders who have come to appreciate that sentencing someone to a lifetime of banishment is not approiate for smoking, sex before marriage, or trying to save their life by following the reccomendations of a doctor on the blood issue, etc.; are in a similar situation.

  Any ex-elder or current elder who has come to his senses and does not do what he can to reverse the sentences that deliver such excruciating pain to recipients would be just as reprehensible as the judge illustrated at first above.
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  Euphemism

  I'm sorry, Perry, but your analogy is seriously flawed.

  You're positing a situation where the laws are fair, and there was an error in their application. When the truth is revealed, the error will be corrected.

  Unfortunately, that's not the case with the WT judicial system. The problem is with the "laws" themselves. The elder can't go back and reverse the disfellowshipping.

  The fact is, all of us were perpetrators, just as we were all victims. I don't think that there are any of us who can say that we never shunned a disfellowshipped person, or judged someone else for exercising their conscience, or contributed in some way to the Watchtower's network of social pressure. Some of us may have done more harm than others. And many of us, as part of our healing process, may try to make amends in some way. But I think it's counter-productive to point the finger and try to shift the responsibility onto ex-elders, or any other particular group of people.
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Here we go, thanks Perry...btw:

  Elders always do the society's dirty work while believing it is God's work. Otherwise they would be psychopathic as opposed to just deceived. However, as they say in business; It may not be your fault but it is your responsibility.

  I think this says plenty, wouldn't anyone agree?

  No problem with Perry's analogy, overall, but sometimes things get overlooked.

  So much information.

  Anyways, it's interesting nonetheless that we are discussing this matter.

  But Perry's comments, which I 'quoted' above, say plenty, wouldn't you say?