Ending Relationships

by oldcrowwoman 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  oldcrowwoman

  "It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship---with friends, loved ones, or work relationship.

  Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes it may appear easier to let the other person take responsibility for ending the relationship.

  We may be tempted to take a passive approach. Instead of saying how we feel, what we want or don't want, or what we intend to do, we may begin sabotaging the relationship, hoping to force the other person to do the difficult work.

  Those are ways to end relationships, but they are not the cleanest or easiest ways.

  As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness, We are not being loving, gentle, or kind by avoiding the truth, if we know the truth.

  We are not sparing the others's feelings by sabotaging the the relationship instead of accepting the end or the change, and doing something about it. We are prolonging and increasing the pain and discomfort--for the other person and ourselves.

  If we know it is time to terminate a relationship, say that.

  Endings are never easy, but endings are not made easy by sabotage, indirectness, and lying about what we want and need to do.

  Say what you need to say, in honesty and love, when it is time. If we are trusting and listening to ourselves, we will know what to say and when to say it."

  Today, I will remember that honesty and directness will increase my self-esteem. Help me let go of my fear about owning my power to take care of myself in all my relationships.

  "The Language of letting go by Melody Beattie"

  Old Crow
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  StinkyPantz

  OCW-

  As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness

  I don't think I agree with this. Why should you have to directly tell the person you are ending the relationship? I suppose if this is exclusively speaking of romantic or familial relationships, then yes; but if we are talking about everyday friendships then fading can be done harmlessly. Sometimes people just grow apart.
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  oldcrowwoman

  In my past my way was this John Wayne image riding off into the sunset and leave relationships up in the air. No closure.

  True their relationships that have faded for me. An those for me lack of committment or maybe it was'nt healthy for me.

  There are no right or wrong way in endings. Whats important for me is closure and I prefer it to be clean on my part. People who come into my life were teachers, to teach something about myself. They are mirrors of self.

  Old Crow
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  TresHappy

  Letting go of relationships, particularly those I wanted to keep going, was always difficult for me. I remember in the WT having "good" friends until I left it. I am sure if I popped in at a KH, I would be love bombed by them. Most people who knew me now just remember me - barely. Mind you, these are very nice people, just deceived by that ol' nasty Society. I now only talk to one person in the JW's. She's on her way out, so I am hopeful she'll join me on this side of the tracks.

  The harder ones are those of friends of many years, who simply do just grow apart. I decided to try and find some of old chums via the Internet. I have found a few and I have to say all were glad to hear from me again. We now have plans to meet again (if I ever get to their home state) and I would love that. But some people you have in your life will never be there again. I have learned to let go and start another journey. That's what this is, isn't it?
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  tinkerbell82

  ((((OCW)))) you have no idea how timely this post is for me. thank you.
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  frenchbabyface

  Yeah ... Honesty (better than anything : I mean give me the map that I can escape !!!)

  OldCrowWoman : I love your Nickname !!!
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  Lady Lee

  (((crow)))

  I love Melody Beattie/s work

  I'm with you on the honest and the need for closure.

  Without the closure I wind up with a lot of unresolved feelings which take a lot longer to resolve than if something had been said.

  Sadly sometimes there is no opportunity for that closure but when there is I try to take it
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  rocketman

  It's over.
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  Happythoughts

  bye bye
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  oldcrowwoman

  Sorry Happy whatever you posted does'nt show up. square box with x in the cornor.

  The other piece for me with ending or not ending relationships hits my abandonment issues. I personally don't deal well with people going away and not say anything. I can handle it when its direct. I may not like hearing but I can respect it. And move on.

  I've had experiences those feelings on this site. All of sudden a person I had a connection with leaves and not knowing why they left. With certain people allowed myself to be vulnerable sharing parts of my story. I have to work on myself with my shame. I realize it has to do with their stuff.

  But it does'nt change the feelings.

  This thread is an ongoing issue with me. I had mentioned before, I am closing with a 8 yr relationship Womyn's spirituality group. Eight years is a long term relationship. I have received many gifts and healing over the years. Its time for me to move on.

  I have a meeting with one who orignated the group. To check when its a good time to pull every one together to make the closure. This is a huge piece for me right now. I have alot mixed feelings. Saying good bye is never easy.

  Old Crow