You have time and options. Jws are in a prison of beliefs their mind must defend at all costs. Keep progressing steadily and only give them what they can take.
How do you tell your spouse you no longer believe in God?
by Darkknight757 33 Replies latest jw experiences
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DesirousOfChange
PETE: Rather than an saying I'm an Atheist (gasp) I call myself an "Enthusiastic Agnostic"
Interesting that my wife & I had some of this discussion on the way home from a funeral today. The deceased was an inactive/former JW friend from years ago. Her parents are still active JWs and very close friends of my mother, so we attended mainly for the parents who had just lost their daughter. Thus the conversation with the wife, since we offered and agreed with all the comfort of the future resurrection, etc etc.
I think we agreed on "agnostic". Wifey wanted to know the specific definition. (I'm not sure you can say it's that "specific" as it seems lots of people have lots of different ideas.) But, I think it's better than resigning oneself to being "atheist" (at least at this point in time).
Frankly, I rather be (re)convinced that there is a God, as I used to think of Him. A higher power that was destined to "fix everything" eventually at some time in the future. I don't like to face the fact that it's (likely) all on us humans to bail ourselves (and mankind) out of any predicament we get into, either individually or collectively. The other way was easier in many ways.
To summarize, I'd STFU! Why say anything that will be hurtful? Fake it while you can since you seem to have concluded that is the best way for now.
Baby steps on letting her awaken to TTATT (and all that other stuff that follows).
Doc
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berrygerry
"Honey, I don't believe in God, but I believe in you!"
"Honey, I don't believe in God, but I believe in you, and I believe in us!"
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Pete Zahut
I also told her that I will go to all the meetings with her no problem but not field service. She is also ok with this.
I guess for the time being Ill just keep up the act because I wouldnt want to devastate her by suddenly telling her I don't believe in God.(or at least the God of the bible)
Sometimes the most important thing to JW wives is that you're there to complete the picture so that she isn't in the position of being a widow by having an unbelieving mate.
When I stopped going to the meetings, my wife hated sitting there alone, but that was when she really started to pay attention to the things she had been raised with and had taken for granted to be true.
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Anders Andersen
Good point raised by some indeed, which I forgot to mention: be the best husband you can ever be.
Help your wife with everything, but especially the JW stuff if she wants.
Offer to join her for meetings, or drive her there if needed.
Cook on meeting evening, and clean the house if she is going and you are not.
It's possible your wife needs new reasons to continue loving you, so provide her with as many reasons as you can.
Why? Because (depending on how in your wife is), you are about to destroy her world. You leave her all alone forever in paradise. All alone as a spiritual widow.
She didn't sign up for this shit.
And, if you suddenly don't love God anymore, what about maybe you suddenly leave her???
She will feel insecure and need reassurance. This will be worse if she is born in....
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slimboyfat
I don't know, for most JWs I reckon the revelation that you don't believe in the WT is a more traumatic event than disbelief in God. Maybe it's different in more religious cultures. -
Rather Be the Hammer
I didn't tell.
I told him about the things I found out, 11 years ago. In order that would be: 607 BS err..BC. Watchtower NGO UN. Abuse within the Borg. I wondered about the FDS too, because it was an illustration. And so on....
Because I couldn't believe JW stuff anymore I would do fieldservice with the Bible only, no JW litterature. But after a while I couldn't talk to people about paradise (where the hell does the bible promise us a paradise in future?) and I didn't see the logic in talking to strangers about my belief, while the elders had told me not to share my thoughts with my brothers and sisters. I stopped giving answers at the meetings. I refused shepherd calls in our house.
(At that thime I told my brother about this stuff too. He (JW) told me to be wise and don't overreact and don't do a stupid thing (like writing a letter) or something. We already had two disfellowshipped siblings and if I would get out of the Borg it would complicate my relationship with other JW familymembers. So I did. I just faded. Only go to meetings (I also stopped going to one of the midweek meetings to make a point, ha, but then THEY stopped with that meeting too. 😂)
Anyway, so much for men being logic, and women about feelings, Anders Andersen. 😜What I found out is this: the people who REALLY study the bible and the WT dogmas, learn the truth very quickly. The zealous, the persons that want to prove a point to others and then find out they can't. The 'relaxed' JW may never get to that point.
So I never told anyone I don't believe anymore. If someone must know, I tell them that I have severe doubts about things, and that in the past ten years nothing has happened to make those doubts go away...and a lot to make those doubts worse.
In fact, I don't know if I believe in something, I'm just not interested anymore in all the blabla about the future. Life is NOW. Maybe there is a God, maybe not. Since I don't believe in hell, what's there to fear? And we'll die anyway, one way or another.
My husband has learned to live with this. We do best when we don't talk about religion. The last few years I sometimes can ask a question like: have you noticed the change in....'thoughts about evolution' 'thoughts about FDS and anointed' 'increase in memorial partakers' ? but he never notices these changes. 😳 And it seems that the other JW don't notice it either.
The best I can say is: hang on. Try to make clear that you want to fight for your marriage. It may take a couple of (hard) years. But if you want to stay together, she has no JW reason to leave; and if she is willing to leave without reason she would be as 'bad' (In JW-world) as you are and then there is no reason to leave anyway...
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Darkknight757
Anders Andersen3 hours ago
Good point raised by some indeed, which I forgot to mention: be the best husband you can ever be.
Help your wife with everything, but especially the JW stuff if she wants.
Offer to join her for meetings, or drive her there if needed.
Cook on meeting evening, and clean the house if she is going and you are not.
It's possible your wife needs new reasons to continue loving you, so provide her with as many reasons as you can.
Why? Because (depending on how in your wife is), you are about to destroy her world. You leave her all alone forever in paradise. All alone as a spiritual widow.
She didn't sign up for this shit.
And, if you suddenly don't love God anymore, what about maybe you suddenly leave her???
She will feel insecure and need reassurance. This will be worse if she is born in....
I've always done my best to support our family the best that I can by cooking/cleaning and doing nice things for her and now so more than ever because of the guilt I feel for telling her how I feel about the Wtbts. I think that has been a great help so she doesn't think that I'm abandoning her.
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Anders Andersen
Kudos to you for waking up, and being a good husband :-)
I hope I didn't imply you weren't doing any of the good stuff before :-p
Seems like a lot of us here with a spouse still in....hope they will all wake up soon....
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GodZoo
You open your mouth and say: "I no longer find reason to believe in God".
Easy as that..