I interviewed once for a job that required shorthand. I have no clue how to do that. I lied. So when the CEO asked how fast I was, I told the truth. I said "I can speed-write." He said he'd give me a test right then. So he started reading the newspaper.
I said, "Hold it! That's not how that goes. First, you tell me who its to and I have a rolodex so I don't write it out. Next you start talking and saying things like UMMM and HMMMM. Then you talk some more and say scratch that. When you do that kind of stuff, thats s when I catch up!"
He laughed and hired me.