by MissDaSilva 66 Replies latest jw friends
At the risk of repeating myself, shunning me has been a GIFT! The toxicity of many JWs was over the top. When they stopped talking to me, it felt like someone removed thumb screws.
Although I am not an advocate for DAing, I understand the need for closure that someone may have.
Let me add that fading without an explanation DRIVES PIMIS CRAZY! Without a target, they expend a lot of energy and ammunition so that is a good thing IMO.
Agreed ThomasMore, when I left all those years ago, having been from a well known family of Special Pioneers, Elders etc. etc, and having myself been well known in my Circuit and beyond, with a reputation for lots of Field Service, and being the very best of meeting attenders, it was a shock to many.
The time they spent, and the mental gymnastics they went through to find a reason, was a delight and a real laugh to see !
As there was no "sin", they eventually came up with the rumour that I had left to start my own religion ! When I heard that, I laughed and said "What a great idea ! There's $$$ in that ! ".
Of course, they could not admit to themselves that the reason was I had discovered that it was not "the truth", and worse, that it was founded upon, and maintained by lies.
My wife Zo and I have made such good friends in the JWs who have been so kind to us over the years. We have been through some really tough times together and our real friends have proven to be true friends in need.
This is why we stay physically in even though we are mentally out. We couldn’t consider being shunned by our closest friends.
There are some really great folks who are JWs, and even though the doctrine is wrong I will say it’s because of the Bible and trying to apply Christian principles and qualities is the reason why there are such good people in this cult.
So a big warning for those thinking of physically leaving hard exit which means you will be shunned by everyone still in. Think very carefully before you make that step, it’s very hard to get back and remove the shunning.
IMO far better to either fade soft exit with no shunning, or just become inactive and almost stay physically in, this is what Zo and I are doing.
Teddnzo , but those same good friends would drop you like a stone if you dissasociated. Is that true friendship. ? Yes l know that they do it out of ' love " but they won't care how much it hurts you or how your life goes after that. In fact if your life takes a downward turn it will be your own fault for leaving. Not because your friends are now ignoring you .
So it's working you stay in out of fear.
Jan from Tam
I don’t blame them for that. I blame the men who thought up this evil practice of shunning. They are still real friends who will be there for you but they have been deceived. We have to keep that in mind.
I know of somebody recently his name is James Treadwell, his nickname was Bob in Bethel dinning room in London. He has just been disfellowshiped I think it’s because he is obviously gay.
Everyone really likes him he is such a great guy. I’ve heard people say “it’s harder on us than it is on him” I think it’s hard on everyone but particularly for the one being shunned.
I can think of so many others over the years, really good people who for one reason or another they have left the organisation.
Some say we just have to wait for them to come back then we can talk to them again, but they truth is they are now coming back.
Never*
I meant to say never coming back
Those men who thought up this evil practice really have caused so much misery and break up of families and friends.
And then to openly lie about it and say “it’s only spiritual things we don’t talk about but we will talk about other things” this is a lie. Unless we will have new light doing a U turn and say we can talk to them just not about spiritual things.
So we are trapped by men long since dead who thought up this evil practice of shunning someone just because they no longer share your interpretation of the Bible.
I don’t blame my life long friends who are such good people. I blame the evil men who thought up this evil insanity.
The best thing we could all do is ignore it. That’s what Zo and I do. We are JW lite and will still talk to any old friends who leave the organisation and tell them we are staying JW lite for the good friends that are still in. Some who have left have said they wished they did the same as us.
If Elders come to talk to you about why you still talk to those who were announced as no longer a JW then tell them I thought we had new light saying just don’t talk about spiritual things? I can show you the video here listen to this….
Tednzo, so basically you all just use each other for your own purposes? with friends like that who needs enemies?
Those are not real friends and you are not a real friend to those people because you are just using them so you are not alone and have to find real friends that love you warts and all.
The org only has the power because people like you gave them that power. Years ago when shunning was first implemented people as a whole could have had nothing to do with it. Not give money or go to a kh and see how quick that policy would have changed. But because all jw's care more about the org/society and their own standing than they do God they allow any nonsense handed down by some evil men in NY.
The people on this board (and elsewhere) who have been subjected to shunning and all the other jw nonsense and left because they had the integrity to believe that truth is more important than following men because it is the easier thing to do are the real heroes today.
In most cases they lost everything simply for believing differently.
What would it take for you to say enough? What could the gb ask of you that you wouldn't do? What if shunning wasn't held over your head? Would you have the balls to say no then?
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities (Attributed to Voltaire)
Carla
with you 100%
Teddnzo, I completely understand what you are saying. You've gotten some grief here from posters, but I think the majority will agree that YOU should do what is good/best for YOU. We have close family who are PIMO, and they stay "IN" for much the same reasons that you state. They find it is a good social network and their choice of lifestyle does not conflict with JW ideals. Still, they strongly disagree with some JW standards. I know if it came to a life-or-death situation, they would agree to a transfusion. They sent their kids to college (though I will add that all but one are no longer JWs).
My wife and I have considered this more than once. We surely would have preferred not to lose our network of (though they be conditional) friends. But we agree with your statement that these people are "trapped" -- Captives of the Cult. Our choice to not do so was more based on the fact that we feared others would base their adherence to the Cult on the basis that we appeared to be doing the same. We do not want to give the appearance that we are good, toe-the-line, devout JWs. There is just too much crap in the JW system that is WRONG. It will need many more serious changes before we can give tacit approval.
I’ve decided to disassociate from the JW organisation.
I cannot be part of a community that blatantly rejects the sacrifice of Jesus in that demonic memorial ritual. Amazing what information you find when you start researching.
I’m writing my letter and posting it to the Kingdom Hall this morning.
Feels so right. God bless you all. 🙏🎄🌺
Bold, brave and gutsy move that should inspire others to reject all nonsense in every way, shape and form.
TTWSYF
