Fornication......*blushing*

by d0rkyd00d 48 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Abaddon

  This was a few pages back, but I had to respond.

  First thing is that desire to have sex is 100% natural. It is only made the object of guilt and fear by conditioning.

  Secondly, sex is only dangerous if you don't take precautions. If you don't use contraception, specifically condoms, you are asking for trouble. Having babies too young is not right, but it usually happens because people don't use contraception.

  I know from personal experience that condoms are not 100% effective, so would recommend using condoms and the pill if possible. That cuts down the chance of pregnancy if a condom fails. If you are going to have sex read up on contraceptive methods; you get driver ed, you should give yourself contraception ed.

  However, even if you're on the pill, never have sex without a condom until you are in a stable trusting relationship and both you and your partner have passed two HIV tests at three month intervals.

  That's the 'doing it safely' bit, so you are doing all you can to protect yourself from disease or pregnancy.

  As to the rest, well, in my opinion waiting to have sex until you are married is stupid. You are sixteen, if you have sex when you are ready you won't rush to get married, and rushing to get married so you can have sex is stupid.

  You need to date and learn what you like in partners and what you don't like, learn how you should be treated and how to treat someone. You are just begining to know yourself a 16, and will carry on learning about yourself the rest of your life, making huge steps up through your early twenties - and that's the earliest you should think about getting married. Anything before is stupid, unless you are very very very lucky.

  At somepoint in that you will want to have sex. There is only one first time. Don't waste it. Be safe. And enjoy it. It doesn't have to be with the perfect person the first time, although they might seem to be. It IS FAR BETTER if you really feel for the person. But that doesn't mean you are a bad person if you end up having recreational sex. Sex is wonderful. Just be smart, be safe, don't hurry, only do what you want to do, don't let anyone piss on your heart, and don't piss on anyone else's heart.

  All the best
• 

  GatoCat

  I have been in that situation, counting the days until the vistor comes and then breathing a HUGH sigh of relief too many times.

  Slow learner?
• 

  slipnslidemaster

  There is only one first time. Don't waste it. Be safe. And enjoy it. It doesn't have to be with the perfect person the first time, although they might seem to be. It IS FAR BETTER if you really feel for the person.

  Yes, you only have one first time. Make sure it is with someone that you really care about and make sure that you will look back on it fondly. Not bumbling around in some car or drunk or "by accident".

  GatoCat, one time is too many. That's my intelligent reply.

  My unintelligent reply is: F' you.

  Slipnslidemaster: Doin' the humpty hump...just doin' the humpty hump...
• 

  Mulan

  Dorky, You are 16. Too young for sex. Emotionally too young.
• 

  GatoCat

  My unintelligent reply is: F' you.

  I have to agree... unintelligent is the word, all right. You should consider holding off f'ing anybody.
• 

  jezebel1104

  dorkydood,
• 

  JanH

  Yikes, I can't imagine anyone considering "wait until marriage" a half intelligent answer. Old books may have their places, but for advice about sex, it's hard to imagine any source worse than the Bible.

  Who in their right minds would start living with, and even worse, marrying someone before getting to know each other? Sexual incompatibility is a sad discovery after getting married.

  Generally, I agree with the other advice here. Sexually transmitted diseases is one concern, pregancy certainly another.

  The most important is, I think, what is the right reason for wanting to have sex. Except the obvious, I mean: at your age hormones are raging like hell To not be a virgin anymore, to brag to your mates, are all bad reasons.

  The good reasons include having a girlfriend you like being with, and you both develop a strong desire to have sex with each other. When you both want to have sex, that is the right time.

  I think this "losing virginity so it has to be all right" concern is mostly a girl thing. Surely, it means a lot at the time to "have done it". But a slightly cumbersome and embarrasing first sexual experience doeasn't really mean much after some time. If you and your partner trust each other, you can have lots of great time together, sexually and otherwise.

  - Jan
  --
  Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. [Ambrose Bierce, The Devil´s Dictionary, 1911]
• 

  d0rkyd00d

  Thank you guys for all the great responses. I do think sex after marriage is a bit old fashion, and as somebody said, it is "conditioned", instilled into us, that before marriage it is wrong. Thank you for all your comments. I certainly appreciate the contraceptive advice. I will definitely make sure that my first time, whenever it may be, is with protection in more than one way, and that my partner is safe. Thank you all once again.

  "No cool quote yet. but i'll think of one soon."
• 

  patio34

  Dood,

  I'm a 54 year old grandma and won't say what I think about extra-marital sex (note the difference between that and pre-marital sex).

  However, having left the WTBS 3 months ago, I'm trying to figure out who I really am as you mentioned you are. Without some authority telling me every decision I should make, it's a challenge to 'reinvent' myself.

  That's what we all have to do after deciding the Bible or the WTS does not have authority over our lives.

  A good question is 'is this who I really want to be?' For instance, you might want to ask yourself 'do i really want to take a chance on bringing a new life into the world?' 'Do I want to be a responsible person with values?'

  It's up to you to decide what your values are and how you want to live your life. Just do it responsibly, safely, without hurting anyone else.

  Also, consider what is in your best, long-term interest. What's in your partner's best interest?

  Peace,

  Pat
• 

  thinkers wife

  Dood,
  You have really gotten a lot of excellent advice on this.
  I just want to say that I am so impressed with your maturity and insight. You seem like a very reasonable and thoughtful young guy. I wish you had been around when I was sixteen!!
  I have faith that you will make the right choices and grow into a person who will benefit society!!!
  Just keep on maturing and growing.
  I am also of the group that thinks being intimate with the person you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with is very important! Before marriage. But only responsibly. And not just darting around gratifying yourself. You seem to have an excellent grip on the proper mind set!!
  TW