Phantom Stranger-I totally agree. I tried getting a bit more forceful about things with my sister a couple of years ago and it just didn't work. (We talk/email/see each other although she's *supposed* to be shunning me) It shut her down completely and our relationship was cut off for almost a year until I apologized and told her I wouldn't push any more.
As our friend Hawkaw says, "Subtle subversion!!!!" I just wish I was a bit better at it.