About my ex wife, I am now really confused...

by Lapuce 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lapuce

  Well I guess this is a though one, but I will as you what do you think I sould do as it has been bugging me for for the past week.

  Here is, I've been divorced form my ex wife since July and seperated since the new year, I always liked here but could not stand all the bull from being DA'd as here friends and mine could not talk and meet anymore because of this. Now she wants me back (she is still a dub) and would like for me to go back and marry her again, this time at the kingdom hall and simply being incative, doing what I want but being with me, so all could be normal again, I know I would have to fake all again to be re-instated, and bullshit all until I get married, then do nothing just be a dub in title, so that I could be again with the one I love??? I never though about that, but I don't think its worth the price to fake it for a few months and get back with my ex which I always loved so much as well as my kids, just for the stability, she would let me do what I want she said, can I belive her??? why??? any input would be welcomed....

  Lapuce
• 

  avishai

  Wow. What a spot. How old are your kids? Ask her how if she would respect you living a lie? I dunno, man that's a tough one, thank god I did'nt marry a dub....
• 

  Gadget

  I tried to do this. I got df'd, and my girlfriend didn't. I spent 6 months trying to get reinstated, and in the end I realised I couldn't do it, I coiuldn't sit there in the hall listening to all the things they were saying, and then go brown nosing to try and get reinstated. Read my topic history and it will show how things went for me. And would it not be harder for you because you DA'd, and were not DF'd? Their questions would be much more on how you now feel about things, could you answer these and not make them suspicious? And if you fade/become inactive, would her friends not begin to shun you again anyway?
• 

  Satanus

  can I belive her???

  Of course you can't. But, since you still have feelings for her, and there are your kids, it certainly gets complicated. I personally would recommend a life of integrity to yourself, your needs, your desires.

  While i don't know your wife, i would guess that her feelings at the moment are making her say that. When her feelings change, so will what she says. Then there is always the elders' inputs to worry about. But, you be the judge, since it's your life.

  SS
• 

  JH

  Ask her if she would quit the JW's for you?
• 

  pettygrudger

  Well Lapuce, it sounds as if your ex is willing to bend alot of her religions rules in order to make this marriage work. This is very strange to me. She loves you, but she wishes you to live a lie and "appear" to be someone else just to keep up her appearances at the KH makes absolutely no sense.

  If you are willing to do this for her sake, more power to you. I have a feeling that more "conditions" will once again be placed on your relationship after you have made this step, and to me that isn't a fair or realistic life long marriage.

  There are children involved, so if its in their best interest - that's what really counts here. Sometimes as parents we must sacrifice for their benefit. Having a two-parent home is definitely towards the childrens best interest, unless that marriage is full of hostility and resentment, then it never works. Only you can know the right choice here, and my heart goes out to you!
• 

  Scully

  Lapuce

  (maybe she misses the sex?? and knows she's not Scripturally Free To Remarry?)

  If she loves you, she'll agree to go to a Justice of the Peace and have a civil wedding ceremony. Tell her that you aren't ready to be reinstated to be a JW again, but you care for her and the children and want the family to be whole again.

  You have to be honest with her and if she can't accept that you aren't ready to go back to JWs, then your life will be miserable as long as she is JW.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Special K

  Holy Cow , Lapuce..

  This Cult sure has driven in a stake between you two.

  If you two got back together, then what affect does this have on the kids..how old are they in all this.

  Do they have to do everything J.W.'s do.. no birthdays, holidays,

  Is she suggesting you come back and pretend to be someone else and not live true to yourself.. to live the life a lie...to not be the real you... Is she asking you to live a life in hiding of your true beliefs as they are right now.

  There are quite a few on the forum here who are living this life.. and they don't seem to be very happy.

  Alot of issues here.

  What if you asked her the same thing that she has asked you..Reframe the whole thing and turn it around... what would she say then.

  This is a real hard one Lapuce.. alot on the burner here , for sure..

  Keep us posted and here is a friendly hug just to let you know I care

  (((Lapuce))))

  sincerely

  Special K
• 

  Maverick

  Look, I have said this before, you can never go back. Men are terrible about this! We have selective memories and only remember the good things. As a man you need to be comfortable. How long will it last before you are sick of it and move out again. Then you have to start over with all the pain and suffering you went though the first time! You are not the first guy with kids to be divorced and you won't be the last. Make your life work for you. Maverick
• 

  Badger

  This is a bind...a lot of us who have gone through bust ups on the fringes of the organization can relate.

  How was you marriage before the searation? What was the major reason for the divorce? Has she said why she wants to get back together? Is that the actual reason she wants to get back together?

  After my wife left, I tried everything to get her back and was still open to trying to work it out until the very last moment. I realized she wasn't the one for me. That's a statement you have to find out is true or not.